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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Anyone join me in being really angry theyre a single parent?

346 replies

coodawoodashooda · 08/01/2022 18:04

Today I have been in such a bad mood and that's why. I can't shake it off. Bastard and his meagre child maintenance that wouldn't even buy a bloody pair of shoes. All the friendships that I have lost. I am so lonely, fed up, skint and angry. Anyone else?

OP posts:
SunsetsAndLollypops · 08/01/2022 18:12

Me too

Porfre · 08/01/2022 18:13

YANBU

Original poster
coodawoodashooda · 08/01/2022 18:15

Bastards. And the law does absolutely nothing to punish them for their baatarding behaviour. Meanwhile i get more fat, knackered and lonely. I don't understand why society is so accepting of men who behave like this.

OP posts:
RedCandyApple · 08/01/2022 18:16

Yes I hate it, sick of hearing people say how much they love being a single parent as it makes me feel worse like something wrong with me for not “loving it” my ex doesn’t see our children AT ALL pays NO maintenance, has never done a school run, never had them overnight I never get a single break, I’m on my own with 4 and it’s bloody damn hard. I commented on a Facebook group I’m on about how hard it is doing it all alone and got so many comments from people telling me they know how I feel as their partner works all day/ away 🙄

OhWhyNot · 08/01/2022 18:19

I fed up of ds being horrible to me and feeling me how great his dad is

Yet I am always here. I don’t piss off because it suits me. Told him a few home truths yesterday I am past caring about being nice and thoughtful about his dad when his dad is so awful to me

I hate that we always have to rise above and always be nice

I’m done with that it hasn’t helped peddling a lie

OhWhyNot · 08/01/2022 18:20

*telling me

Marmelace · 08/01/2022 18:20

Never, the relief I could breathe in peace once I'd got rid and he got a gf. He isolated me for 12 years, felt I lived in a cage. It was bloody hard work with 3 sons, he did fuck all, gave fuck all. I did everything. He took me to court to see them. Given every other weekend, youngest was 8mnths at time, he's 16 now, they stayed at his twice. I'm 50 now and it has made me very strong. Sending you love for what it is worth.

Piemam · 08/01/2022 18:22

Yeah, the entitlement and neglect of own kids fecking sucks

Marmelace · 08/01/2022 18:23

It never felt like that at the time, I felt lost and betrayed that he could abandon them so easy and leave then without. Tears, anger, went through the whole range of negative emotions. The loneliness was crippled, and having to hide my despair from my boys whilst smiling and trying to be positive for them was so hard.

CiaoForDiNiaoSaur · 08/01/2022 18:25

I totally hear you. Ex pays no maintenence at all. CSA are shit. He only has them when it's convenient for him, didn't matter if i was meant to be at work/sick.

BUT. And I don't know how your DC are, but mine are teens now. And they know. They know who's always been there for them, physically. Mentally. Financially. They know which parent went without new clothes/ food to make sure they had what they needed. They remember which parent tucked them into bed and read them a airy despite the fact they could hardly stand up because they were sick.

It sucks. I've been angry on and off for years. But the dc know. And they've told me they appreciate every thing I've done. And they have no respect at all for their father.

Disclaimer. I never told them he didn't pay maintenance, until they made a comment about him saying I should have bought them something or other (a ps4 iirc) and I snapped and pointed out he pays nothing for them and therefore has no say in what I spend money on.

LeifSan · 08/01/2022 18:31

I confess today I felt really grumpy when I winced at the cost of the food shop. Ex pays not a penny and is fucking useless and a self-absorbed drama queen who thinks he has a hard life despite not working in years and doing fuck all parenting. Actually had the nerve to call me up and complain about being jealous our son is closer to me a while back.

Outside of that dick and the resentment at his total lack of living in reality I enjoy parenting. So really it’s about as much distance as possible from him and enjoy my time as a real parent.

thefourgp · 08/01/2022 18:32

“I don’t understand why society is so accepting of men who behave like this.”

I don’t understand it either. I hate that my ex is enabled to be an absent father by his family, friends and new girlfriend.

It sucks OP. It really, truly, sucks. I get so angry at being the responsible one all the time while he gets to just do whatever the fuck he wants.

RamsayBoltonsConscience · 08/01/2022 18:33

I've been there and felt that, however, my ds is 22 now. He's about to move away as he's just got his first graduate job. He's a fantastic young man and I did that. I raised him singlehandedly from the time he was 5. It was bloody hard but we're here now. He wouldn't give his father the time of day, his father wouldn't know what he looks like as he hasn't seen him since he was 14. I'm more angry that the CMS is totally useless and I refuse to let them close my case as the ex owes about £5K. I know that I'll never get it but the fact that they can't just write it off gives me some satisfaction!

Cuddlemequick · 08/01/2022 18:35

@ohwhynot I hear you

LJAKS · 08/01/2022 18:37

I'm sorry you're going through that. I'm a single parent but I love it tbh as ExH was a parasite. I also have a supportive family which makes all the difference.

YungDumbThrills · 08/01/2022 18:44

I'm three months in, and this is not how I imagined our lives to be like. Estranged husband doesn't give a shit about anything but his new piece, spends maybe 4 hours a week with DS and parades selfies on Facebook like he's dad of the year. Complaining that he can't afford to feed himself, yet has left me with the house, DS, 6 animals and myself to feed, keep warm and clothe. Had enough already.

FanGirlX · 08/01/2022 18:45

Ex DP is such a bone idle, waste of space. It's better that he's gone. I now only have one toddler to look after 😀.

He doesn't pay maintenance but I earn more than him and funded him anyway. I have a claim in with the CMS but if I do get anything, I'll stick it all in a savings account for DD to have when she's older.

TimBoothseyes · 08/01/2022 18:52

I felt the same. It's a fucking hard slog but the rewards will come. For me that day came on my DD's graduation. She posted a picture of her in her cap and gown and 10 minutes later got an irate phone call from her father demanding to know why he hadn't been invited to the ceremony. Her reply was ..."you've shown fuck all interest in my life up until now, made zero sacrifices. Mum got me this far you had nothing to do with it. Oh and by the way it just shows you for what you are when the first words out of you your mouth are "why wasn't I invited" and not "congratulations darling I'm so proud of you" ".

FatPatsCat · 08/01/2022 18:59

I cannot agree with you all enough! I cannot wait to get to the teenage years like a PP said, when the DC will finally know

Iamkmackered1979 · 08/01/2022 19:05

I’ve been a single parent twice. And I actually prefer it. Ideally a lovely partner home of my own etc would be the dream but I earn my own money, have a small tax credit top up but all bills are budgeted on my wage so if things change I can manage. It’s tight and I don’t rely on either ex at all. But I’m 100 times happier and free so as much as it’s hard and you feel like your kids don’t have everything they need sometimes it’s better mentally and my kids are happy and settled they know they’ll get what they need and it’s worked for and earned it just a takes a bit longer.

LeifSan · 08/01/2022 19:07

@FatPatsCat

I cannot agree with you all enough! I cannot wait to get to the teenage years like a PP said, when the DC will finally know
I’m at that stage now and we’re really close. He knows what his dad is like and as a consequence as he counties into his teens is basically polite which is a shame but I understand. I’ve never bad mouthed his dad, in fact i’ve said until i’m blue in the face that his dad loves him but has issues.

The great news is my son is a really happy teen and he actually said to me a while back (unprompted!) that i’m the best parent it’s possible to get and i’m all he needs parent wise. Was lovely after so many years of hard slog and sacrifice. Hang in there!!!

NewYearNewMinty · 08/01/2022 19:08

Tbf my ex isn't as bad as many of the men described here...he sees DD twice a week and pays the required amount of maintenance, but he doesn't truly put her her first and never goes above and beyond for her.

She left school this year. Leavers Hoody, Yearbook, Prom ticket, dress and all the associated expense...he paid for her prom ticket and gave her £20 for drinks on the night. Everything else was down to me despite the fact I've not been working as given up work to care my parents. No offer to do the late night 15 mile round trip to pick her up either.

This year we'll have all the uni open days...not interested. That's two 300+ round trips with overnight hotels and 4 trips to London potentially...all my time and money.

This is all adding insult to injury as my half of the settlement went entirely on housing myself and our daughter, whilst he shacked up with the first woman who'd have him via OLD and is still sitting on 6 figures.

To cap it all I've just discovered that DD has left our Netflix account open round there and the cheeky fucker is using it!

Sowhatifiam · 08/01/2022 19:12

Done it for nearly 15 years. Not a penny in maintenance. I will be working till I drop dead in some form or another because I have sod all pension and no means of paying in to one with 3 kids to support. I am exhausted by life and sometimes wish I wouldn’t keep on waking up. So, I work hard to see the positives and allow my self that not waking up thought as an indulgence every now and again. It’s shit.

user1471453601 · 08/01/2022 19:19

Sorry, but I was a single parent for most of DDs 51 years. I liked it. I never asked for or wanted a penny from her father. It just never occurred to me to ask. He didn't see her, and that was also fine with me.

DD hasn't seemed to miss a father figure in her life, either. She has never expressed a desire to know anything about him.

I was lucky. I could, and did, work to support us, with massive help from my Mum, who loved my daughter, and the feeling was reciprocated.

I'm sorry, opening poster, that you are feeling so sad. But that's not how it works for all single parents

RedCandyApple · 08/01/2022 19:21

No one said it was all single parents? If you’re happy being a single parent then good for you but this thread isn’t about that...

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