Anyone join me in being really angry theyre a single parent?

[coodawoodashooda]

Today I have been in such a bad mood and that's why. I can't shake it off. Bastard and his meagre child maintenance that wouldn't even buy a bloody pair of shoes. All the friendships that I have lost. I am so lonely, fed up, skint and angry. Anyone else?

I love and hate it in equal measure.

I love that it's me that does everything for her but I also hate that it is.

When I need a break I don't get one and ExH moans he never gets a lie-in he gets more opportunities than me

I was very angry he got away with it all. Its been 14 years and he still doesn't support them in anyway...but has the wife who buys him everything he wants and he gets to be pretend sick and do nothing all day...I on the other hand work several jobs and pay for everything for my 2 ds...
But 1 ds is planning uni this year and is taking his driving test in a week after getting a job to help me pay for the lessons... the other ds plays football and is pretty good. We've had some major lows and highs but I can honestly say I'm happier and we have a home we love and a great relationship.

Part of me is still angry he gets to pretend that he has had any say in how they've grown into these amazing young men that I'm so proud of!

YES!!!!!!!!!! So glad someone else said it!!!!

I prefer it...because I can support myself and don't really care about what my ex is doing. As someone else said I suppose the dream is a perfect relationship, but as it stands, I'm happier doing it on my own.

Yes I have moments of feeling like this. Today has been one of them. I resent the fact I cannot go to the cinema or theatre ior any work events as I have no support nearby. I wonder if my health can take another 10 years of this.

This thread is a very good warning advert for not having kids with someone useless! Were they always useless or did something change when babies came along? I totally agree about why it is socially acceptable, dad's always abandoning their children whilst if mothers did the same it would be neglect! Utter double standards. Single parents are incredible.

The damage its done to my career pisses me off. The fact that he did everything wrong and yet karma has not bitten him at all, the poor girl he shagged seems to have suffered more than him which isnt fair.

@Perfect28

This thread is a very good warning advert for not having kids with someone useless! Were they always useless or did something change when babies came along? I totally agree about why it is socially acceptable, dad's always abandoning their children whilst if mothers did the same it would be neglect! Utter double standards. Single parents are incredible.

He was always useless and all the red flags were there the problem is when you’re ovaries are clicking, you want children I suppose you overlook these things, make allowances etc etc the only saving grace in all of this is that I am one of these people who wouldn’t have a child until there was £10k in the savings account and the day in my own house and I was established in my career and i’d already got my masters. He and his behaviour are pretty much Irrelevant but i do take his money and i enjoy spending it.

Yanbu.

Single parents are super heros imho. Often raising grounded hard-working beautiful humans, despite the additional hard work emotionally and physically. I take my hat off to you guys.

At the risk of pissing people off, no. I fucking love it and not a day goes by when I don’t feel grateful that I am no longer in my shit marriage.

I’m sorry if that’s triggering or sounds smug but it’s god’s truth.

I am collectively pissed off on behalf of all of us who don’t get enough money or support and whom society still treats as inferior and I hear your anger but I can’t share it. The relief and the freedom is still such a buzz, seven years on.

What can I say….

@OhWhyNot that is my worst thing atm. DC absolutely LIVE for the 1 day a week they see him. They idolise him. He lives with his parents so it's 3 adults vs 2 kids. They never have to do something they don't want. They do exactly as they want all day with the 3 adults facilitating it. He takes them out to shop or park,one at a time. And does fuck all else.

That said, I (and subsequently they) are so much happier without him here. Life is more relaxed, no treading on eggshells. We have a much nicer time.

I don’t have it as hard as many I acknowledge that he is in ds life and pays maintenance

But that doesn’t take away that I pick up the pieces and also feel like I’m the emotional punch bag

I agree with the impact on my career. How could I train with all the added work I would have to do at home and not be there when ds needed me so much as he was broken

Ds is horrible to me and it really hurts (yes I know that it’s because he feels safe but the disrespect and looking down as I’m not financially successful is so hurtful he doesn’t even acknowledge my birthday or Christmas card makes me feel really sad what did I do to deserve this)

To be honest, I just feel huge relief.

At least Ds is growing up kind, honest and decent without input of shabby values from ex.

I don't hate it. I am not angry at being a single parent household.

I am angry that I deal with the fallout of his carousel of girlfriends, who usually end up giving me shit because he has convinced them I am desperate to have him back.

I am angry at the impact its had on the kids. I am angry that he has decided civid doesn't exist and the kids are finally pissed off at having step siblings thrust on them, a new 'step mum' every year that they don't want to bother with him. It hurts them.

I am angry that his mother has never bothered with them, but keeps gossiping about the kids, which comes back via the kids cousin. Dd is 18 and really close to her cousin, also 18 and it appears mil likes neither of them.

And people say "you should pick better" I was married to this man for 15 years. For 13 we were very happy. He worked for himself and did the majority of childcare and all the cooking and plenty of housework. He was super hands on. Then he decided that, for no reason, I must be cheating on him so started following me, hacking my phone, reading all my messages. He never found any evidence, because there was non. Then he started forcing me to have sex because (and I quote) 'I need sex because then I feel like you are mine and I have claimed you back from whoever else you are shagging'. So essentially like a dog pissing on a lamppost.

His mother and father are in the verge of splitting because his dad is so disgusted with his behaviour its causing them problems.

It simply turned out exh was only a good dad to kids if he was in a relationship with the kids mother.

@ohwhynot I would in your situation be very direct with your son.

• I am not financially successful because I couldn't retrain because I was looking after you and making sure you were OK when your dad fucked off
• I expect you to speak to me respectfully as I am the parent raising you
• It is my birthday next week and I want you to put thought into a card and small gift

Etc I say similar to my kids and it does make them think.

Can I add that all those threads where people say you shouldn't moan about the cost of childcare "we" accepted it was going to wipe out "my" salary but I needed to go to work for my sanity PISSES ME OFF in my house there is no WE just an I and I cannot accept paying my ENTIRE SALERY in childcare costs because if I did WE WOULD HAVE NO FOOD no roof over our heads no car no nothing £6.93 a week for two growing boys pays for NOTHING

@RedCandyApple so in your view I'm not allowed to post on a public forum?

I have been
It’s not working at the moment. He is kicking back and being horrible. I am feeling sorry for myself (but understand why)

Can’t be the strong positive single mum all the time

"You should pick better" I literally married a man who played the long game EVERYONE says how nice he is even his own son who he abandoned "due to covid" "because I'm tired" "moving house" "helping a mate" basically doing everything BUT see his own kids everytime he drops him I pick him up everytime he "apologises" it's like bye mom see ya then back again HE LIED I HATE HIM and we are back again

I hate the fact that no-one has my back not ever im the one supporting everyone my ex got arrested he fucking rang ME for support I went mental he got really upset at me telling me he thought I would be kinder as "we have kids together" fuck off just fuck off

user147145360 many of us on here at times will be fine being a single parent some not

This thread is quite easy to understand it’s for those expressing they are struggling or angry or sad

Let us have our space

@ohwhynot it's very hard, I do understand and it's hugely unfair. I hope for your sake he comes out of it. How old is he? Can he go and live with his dad for a bit?

[quote user1471453601]@RedCandyApple so in your view I'm not allowed to post on a public forum?[/quote]
No one said that, I said this thread is not about you loving it, trust me there has been COUNTLESS “I love being a single mum” threads but no one really speaks about how hard it is and the struggles, you wouldn’t come on a thread about someone struggling with parenting and say how much you love it and how easy it is? So why do it on this one

@OhWhyNot

user147145360 many of us on here at times will be fine being a single parent some not

This thread is quite easy to understand it’s for those expressing they are struggling or angry or sad

Let us have our space

Exactly, why post on a thread for people struggling to say how easy it is for you and how much you love it, know your audience.

I'm angry at the patriarchal society we live in, that allows men to get away with abandoning their children, and then demonizes the mothers who are doing a less than perfect job of it even though they are the ones actually dedicating their entire lives to these kids who usually have the fathers bloody surname because it's 'tradition' from the days when women And children where literally the property of the menfolk