MIL ‘can’t babysit on her own’

[GoldfingersFinger]

DH has just dropped in conversation that SIL wants him to go over to hers (half an hour each way away) to help his mother babysit her two kids (4 and 18months) when she goes away with her partner for the weekend in a week or so’s time. MIL is making the journey from elsewhere to stay at theirs that weekend but apparently DIL is concerned she wouldn’t be able to manage on her own (MIL raised 4 in quick succession, isn’t old and is completely independent but she is on her own).

Apparently DIL can’t take the kids away with them because the kids wouldn’t go for a babysitter at the hotel. I wouldn’t speculate that they wouldn’t actually contemplate such an option as it would cost money.

We have two children (8 and 6 months) of our own. He would be away for at least 3 hours over their bed time and for a while before.

So what would you say if posed with such a request?

Obviously SIL didn’t ask me about this and

Well his sister can ask him to go-doesn't mean that he has to.

Is he asking you for "permission" Op?

If it was just for company for his mum it wouldn't have to be over bed time would it?

If he decides not to go-what then?

Will SIL cancel her weekend away?

If not, she's not really that worried about her mum coping is she?

What are DH thoughts on this?

Is he happy to help or does he think SIL is taking the piss?

Loads of unanswered questions.

@MissLucyEyelesbarrow yes all good

She knew I was ill. She came to look at me so yes, I still remember that
Really? came to look at you?
You seem to harbour resentment towards your SIL which tbf seems a tad irrational.
Move on, stop trying to control your DH, do neither of you ever go out in the evening?

What a huge fuss about DH being away from home for three hours.

All this is about is OP hating her SIL. Nothing else.

It's absolutely bizarre to kick off about having to put one's own 8 year old and baby to bed. I can't believe that if DH was going to be out for any other reason, that OP would be acting so pathetically. All the single mums on this board must be rolling their eyes.

Are you actually concerned about putting your own children to bed ? DOes your DH do it every night? You haven't answered the question. ALso, I think it is nice that he goes to spend time with his mum, the SIL won't be there so it's really not about her. It's a few hours! Sometimes I wonder how people get up in the morning with the ridiculous amount of angst people work themselves up into about absolutely nothing.

All this is about is OP hating her SIL

I was just going to post this. You can always tell.

Wow this thread has taken a turn, people accusing the OP of “facilitating his closeness to his family” and others calling posters cunts

Wowowowow

Chill it's a one off !
I'd go with him and let the cousins play for a bit in the afternoon.
However, I don't hate my family like every one mumsnet ......

I do love the emotive words: hating, kicking off, irrational. All very descriptive when I have just asked a question and said I see both sides.

Clearly there's no love lost between you and SIL. I wouldn't be rushing to do her any favours. However she's asked her brother and her mother to help. So it's your DH who has to square it with you and his mum.

I wouldn't be happy with the request because of her entitled and unsupportive behaviour, but also wouldn't come in-between your DH's relationship with his family.

Of course she didn't. although it's not you she should have asked, it's your husband. But of course she suggested it to your MIL and got her to ask your DH, knowing full well he'd find it harder to say no to helping his poor old mum than saying 'Fuck off cheeky cow' to his sister.

The trouble with that scenario, @SeeMyLanyardAndWeepBitch, is that it SIL did ask OP's DH.

It wouldn't bother me. My husband and I both have our own lives - I'm happy to do bedtime for a couple of days on my own, and vice versa.

Nearly 200 comments on and still
OP hasn't answered why she can't do bedtime and is her DH never slowed out in the evenings?
Imagine a man posting that he doesn't want his wife helping her mother 🤷🏼‍♀️

It's a few hours, he's not going for the whole weekend! I don't see a problem with it, although I concede that the SIL sounds a bit selfish.

You sound bitter that SIL doesn't help you - so why should you help her?!

There's a huge difference in a grandmother raising HER OWN children vs looking after someone else's very young toddlers.

You scoff that she can't cope, but seem not to be able to put one of your own children to bed on your own??? Presumably your 8 year old doesn't need help?

Get a grip. Your husband should just ignore your selfishness and go help his mum for an evening.

[quote GoldfingersFinger]@Onthedunes has framed it perfectly. Couldn’t have said it better.[/quote]
Then it's a shame you didn't frame it like that in the op, which left the majority of posters completely confused about what your complaint was actually about.,

@Puffalicious

I think there’s quite a difference between raising your own children then 20-30 years later babysitting two grandchildren so young. I don’t think my mum would be able to do a whole weekend with two under 5, despite having four children herself

And why would that be? I'm sure your mum is perfectly capable. Whether she wants to is a different matter, but it's an insult to say she wouldn't be able to do it. Are you implying that her ideas are outdated? I think if you've had 4 kids you're capable of looking after anyone's kids, except if you're physically unable to. I can't stand this dismissal of the older generation.

I’m a granny, albeit an older one, who does quite a bit of one-off small-child/baby care, and I don’t mind admitting that I’d find a whole weekend with two of that age, on my own, utterly knackering.

I’d be only too glad of an extra pair of hands and eyes for a few hours.

This whole scenario is really strange. Why is a weekend away from these children so necessary but funds cannot be found. There's nothing worse than expecting free childcare. The sil needs to sort herself out.

I'd send SIL the link for a good babysitting site. She can hire someone to help MIL for a few hours.

Actually, this is what I did when I went away on a work trip for 4 days and my mother looked after my then 18 month old. I hired a babysitter for a few hours so my DM could have some time off to recharge.

Is your mil wanting the help or sil not trusting her. Tbh it's totally different raising your own children to putting someone else's in bed in a strange house. Your mil is older now so might be very nervous. Sil needs to pay for overnight sitter

I wouldn’t have a problem with him helping his mum for a few hours

You still haven't said what the actual problem is OP despite being asked several times? You don't seem to be particularly worried about coping with your own children alone for 3 hours so again, what is the issue here?

@3scape

This whole scenario is really strange. Why is a weekend away from these children so necessary but funds cannot be found. There's nothing worse than expecting free childcare. The sil needs to sort herself out.

We don't know that SIL "expected free child care". Maybe MIL offered it.

I do find it odd that DH is being effectively 'redeployed' from being useful with his own two children, leaving Op alone with them, to be with another two children who would otherwise be looked after by one (capable) person. I'd be a bit pissed off and I'm a lone mother who has done bedtime alone with three for the last seven years.
Op, could DH take your 8 year old with him? That seems like a better division of labour to me!