Am I being unreasonable to be upset about my husbands attitude?

[emmysworld]

Morning everyone.

I'd like to know if I'm being unreasonable please.

I recently came into a very large amount of money, and I wanted to use a little bit of it to treat my husband and toddler to a family holiday soon.

I have discussed it with my husband many times and have said I'd really love to go to the Maldives (or somewhere similar) I went many times as a child and I think my toddler would absolutely love the open space, water and exploring.

I asked my husband this morning "if it's okay I think I'm going to go ahead and book the Maldives" already feeling like I'm treading on egg shells as I always do...and he turned around to me and said he has a problem with it and it's not okay but it's my money. He said the flight will be a nightmare with a toddler (I've flown alone with our toddler many times) and I think he's just being really ungrateful and spiteful because I'm paying for something for us.

I feel like I shouldn't even have to ask for permission to book a holiday (providing all is okay with his work etc)

I've also offered to buy our family car as we don't have one at the moment, as it's my money I'd like to buy a 4x4 but again he's being nasty About it and saying he would feel embarrassed driving it and it's a sh*t car...rather than being grateful for the fact we will have a car to get us from A-B without the need to hire one anymore.

I just feel like I can't win. Im trying to do nice things for us and I feel like his attitude is a slap in the face.. I may as well put the money towards a divorce at this rate. He's made me cry so many times.

Thanks.

Dear god, if you are as rich as you say you are then just leave him.

You say he earns good money OP so presumably you already had the means as a family to have the nice car and holiday, even before your own finances changed?

From experience, I'd imagine the resulting tantrum means he's taken your suggestions as an accusation that he didn't think of them himself. You have bruised his fragile male ego. If I were you I'd buy myself the car, enjoy the holiday with my toddler and start divorce proceedings when I got home.

I was married to one like that, the egg shell scenario, everything you do is wrong but he could do the same thing and it's right. As someone mentioned it is abusive behaviour also cohesive behaviour. My brother left me some money and my husband and I share it together, had it been my first husband he would have been just like, yours is being. You shouldn't be walking around on eggshells it's not right. If he was like this before you came into the money I'd say it's control. If it's only since the money I would say it might have made him feel that you don't need him to provide for you, maybe it just makes him feel a bit insecure. It's only my opinion I'm no marital expert. If you would like to chat to get things off your chest I'd be happy for you to email me.

I don't think it's about having her own money.

Op states that 'we are in the top earners'. As in both of them. Sounds like they have always had plenty of money.

Op states that 'we are in the top earners'. As in both of them. Sounds like they have always had plenty of money

Which makes this thread all the more confusing

Toxic masculinity at its finest, what a neanderthal. Tell him to fuck off back to reddit with the rest of the incels.

Your husband is horrible. Invest in your future happiness by getting a divorce.

@RampantIvy

I would talk to a solicitor now about ring fencing your inheritance.

OP, talk to a solicitor now. I can recommend an excellent family law specialist in London if you like. I would have liked to use her for my divorce many years ago but she had previously done some work for my ex. You can be sure she put me in touch with somebody very good though!

Everyone saying she should just get a divorce because they are 'rich' how is it ever that simple? Why is money the biggest factor when you have emotions and a child involved?

I'm not saying I disagree that the guy is a d**k, he is. But it may be they can communicate better and work it out. If not then her reason for divorce shouldn't be because she has the money to it should be because she's unhappy and knows she deserves better (which OP I believe you do deserve better but you need to decide that for yourself!).

I noticed a few people mention your last post which I hadn't initially seen. I say this from a kind place - It's been on my mind for hours I'm really concerned you lost your dad and didn't have the support of your husband and he's treating you like this now too. I went through something similar and was in an awful place but luckily had support. I really hope you have a good network of friends and/or family around you to make this decision particularly when you have had a very tough year. If you need support or someone to just listen do DM me! @emmysworld

Who said she should divorce because she is rich.

But that she should divorce because she is married to an abusive alcoholic who makes her miserable. Who was vile to her whilst grieving her father and a long list of other reasons. There's also another thread.

They are saying that because she has money, the choice to leave is (in a practical sense) much easier than it would be if she was a sahm with little/no income or savings. Which is true.

The child is the biggest reason she should go.

No one is saying she should divorce because she’s rich. But on plenty of other threads women have to desperately work out if they can survive, put a roof over their childrens heads and food in their mouth. If the op has money, then she just has to leave this man (it doesn’t sound like there is any reason at all to try and work things out with him or to hope that’s possible), so it’s more straightforward. Isn’t that obvious?