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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Snooping neighbor has cut the top off my tree so he can get a better view into my garden. How should I approach this with him

256 replies

mug2018 · 07/01/2022 08:56

I'll start off by saying that I live in a really lovely close, where my neighbors are in red supportive & kind (I'm a recently divorced single mum)
My Nextdoor neighbors are generally really kind. Pop round to feed the cat when I'm away, put my bins out, help me with jobs I'm stuck with etc. However, Mr Neighbors is so unbelievably nosy. For example, when I was sunbathing on my trampoline he text me to check I was ok as he had 'noticed' I'd been asleep for a while 😳
He regularly comments on what I've been doing when I've been in my garden 😣
On a number of occasions I've directly told him to stop nosing into my garden, and also in front of his wife (she told him off too) (he looks out of their upstairs, spare room window)
I have a tree that I'm growing to try to mask his view. I was away for a few days over Christmas and having come home, I see it's been cut to the level of the top of the 6ft fence. It's not s massive tree but it will help when (if it ever is allowed) to grow.
I'm amused but equally fuming.
My partner is going to build a canopy over my patio in the spring that will mask his view, but for gods sack ... this has now pissed me off.
How would you approach this. They are generally really nice and kind people, but this is just a step over the mark 😩

OP posts:
RocketFire7 · 07/01/2022 20:55

@purpleme12

We believed that the fence was going to be unsightly significantly higher than others in the area, and would ruin the ambiance and appearance of the neighbourhood. It would therefore have damaged house prices.

Fortunately we held an emergency meeting as a community and instructed the homeworker to stop work immediately.

purpleme12 · 07/01/2022 21:00

God really sound so stuck up!

Interesting how there is no answer as to how high it is.

Original poster
mug2018 · 07/01/2022 21:43

Bloody hell - can't believe The Sun have picked this up. Not sure they are sun readers but part of me hoped they are.
They're currently away but I'll be straight round when they get back
And No, my daughter is well aware that this is not acceptable and no I'm no a passive parent

OP posts:
Original poster
mug2018 · 07/01/2022 21:44

@purpleme12 the fence is 6 ft

OP posts:
purpleme12 · 07/01/2022 21:48

So fully legal then

prettybird · 07/01/2022 21:49

Private property in the UK is just that: private property Confused. Unless it is in the deeds or against local authority planning regulations, then even a "self-styled Home Owners Association" couldn't instruct another homeowner to stop work, just because it might reduce the value of the properties Hmm

purpleme12 · 07/01/2022 21:54

@prettybird

Private property in the UK is just that: private property Confused. Unless it is in the deeds or against local authority planning regulations, then even a "self-styled Home Owners Association" couldn't instruct another homeowner to stop work, just because it might reduce the value of the properties Hmm
👍
heyitsthistle · 07/01/2022 21:54

I would be straight round (when the wife is there!) and berate him. How dare he cut your tree!

I'm happy to hear you're assertive and not passive. Makes a change from most Mumsnet threads! Good luck, and let us know how you get on.

2bazookas · 07/01/2022 21:55

Just mention to his wife that her husband is SUCH a sweetie, always keeping a close eye on your safety whenever you're out in the garden.

prettybird · 07/01/2022 21:58

6 ft is a perfectly reasonable height for a fence - I thought that when you posted up the picture of the butchered tree Wink

TossieFleacake · 07/01/2022 21:59

@RocketFire7

Honestly, get over yourself.
Emergency meetings to lord it up over your neighbours ... other people do not have to abide by what you deem acceptable.

billy1966 · 07/01/2022 22:07

It is absolutely clear from the photo the OP posted that the fence is NOT more than 6ft and the pear tree is a very modest height.

The neighbour is a perverted CF who has most likely destroyed the tree.

This is one of those situations where the nuclear option should be firmly applied via the authorities.

TheUsualChaos · 07/01/2022 22:20

I'd be absolutely fuming about the tree. Not only has he wrecked it and he had no right to touch it but with the history of spying it is going way, way too far. You need to start keep a log of everything and be prepared to go to the police. I would also be asking them to pay for a new tree as your one is now never going to reach the height and shape you wanted it to as he's lopped off all the main branches.

unwicked · 07/01/2022 22:39

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

RocketFire7 · 08/01/2022 00:11

@TossieFleacake

We were very clear with the neighbour that the only option should they continue with the fence building would be legal action under nuisance laws.

The emergency meeting was attended by all neighbours and decided that to allow the fence to go ahead would damage the ambiance and house prices of the area.

I don’t think this is an unusual thing. When we lived in the US, the HOA would hold regular inspections of things like grass length, paint colour, number of cars parked in driveways etc with contractors being employed at the occupiers’ expense to remove/remedy any issues.

There were also regular HOA meetings to discuss any breaches of the rules that has been noticed. I recall one neighbour receiving a visit from contractors (at their expense) to remove garden chips that were not a permitted colour!

purpleme12 · 08/01/2022 00:14

Wow lucky people living whenever that is in America....!

youvegottenminuteslynn · 08/01/2022 00:19

[quote RocketFire7]@TossieFleacake

We were very clear with the neighbour that the only option should they continue with the fence building would be legal action under nuisance laws.

The emergency meeting was attended by all neighbours and decided that to allow the fence to go ahead would damage the ambiance and house prices of the area.

I don’t think this is an unusual thing. When we lived in the US, the HOA would hold regular inspections of things like grass length, paint colour, number of cars parked in driveways etc with contractors being employed at the occupiers’ expense to remove/remedy any issues.

There were also regular HOA meetings to discuss any breaches of the rules that has been noticed. I recall one neighbour receiving a visit from contractors (at their expense) to remove garden chips that were not a permitted colour![/quote]
I recall one neighbour receiving a visit from contractors (at their expense) to remove garden chips that were not a permitted colour!
Do you personally think this is a reasonable thing to do? To chastise and make demands about the colour of chips used on someone's private property?

RocketFire7 · 08/01/2022 00:35

@youvegottenminuteslynn

I think it is reasonable, yes. It ensures a level of consistency across the neighbourhood and increases house valuations.

The other issue is that if you allow people to use different coloured chips, they will then move on to more serious breaches.

BeagleBeagled · 08/01/2022 00:36

I think rocket is taking the piss, surely 🤔.

purpleme12 · 08/01/2022 00:39

@BeagleBeagled

I think rocket is taking the piss, surely 🤔.
She must be I guess
youvegottenminuteslynn · 08/01/2022 01:03

[quote RocketFire7]@youvegottenminuteslynn

I think it is reasonable, yes. It ensures a level of consistency across the neighbourhood and increases house valuations.

The other issue is that if you allow people to use different coloured chips, they will then move on to more serious breaches.[/quote]
A slippery slope from different colour chips to the gun crime plaguing American isn't it? Oh wait, you mean REALLY serious crimes like the wrong colour door. Imagine!

countrygirl99 · 08/01/2022 04:59

[quote RocketFire7]@sueelleker

The purpose of Home Owners’ Associations is to ensure that neighbourhoods uphold high standards, and ultimately to preserve home value.

In the U.K., there are often issues with neighbours making inappropriate alternations to their plots or simply behaving in an uncouth manner not in keeping with the ambiance of the neighbourhood.

Frankly, we’d benefit from HOAs enforcing strict rules in the U.K. We were able to take emergency action with the neighbour building a high fence through neighbourhood pressure, but I suspect many will not br as fortunate.[/quote]
Shades of Harper Valley PTA.

countrygirl99 · 08/01/2022 05:07

@Rocketfire7 thankfully the UK really is a freedom loving country.

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 08/01/2022 07:12

[quote RocketFire7]@TossieFleacake

We were very clear with the neighbour that the only option should they continue with the fence building would be legal action under nuisance laws.

The emergency meeting was attended by all neighbours and decided that to allow the fence to go ahead would damage the ambiance and house prices of the area.

I don’t think this is an unusual thing. When we lived in the US, the HOA would hold regular inspections of things like grass length, paint colour, number of cars parked in driveways etc with contractors being employed at the occupiers’ expense to remove/remedy any issues.

There were also regular HOA meetings to discuss any breaches of the rules that has been noticed. I recall one neighbour receiving a visit from contractors (at their expense) to remove garden chips that were not a permitted colour![/quote]
Land of the free!

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 08/01/2022 07:23

@diddl

"For example, when I was sunbathing on my trampoline he text me to check I was ok as he had 'noticed' I'd been asleep for a while"

And you carried on being nice & gave them a key to your house?Hmm

This has red flags all over it...

He clearly has been watching you... With the comment about falling asleep on the trampoline...

And then thought it OK to message you...

Then has cut down YOUR tree to facilitate better access...

I would immediately change your locks and don't ever let him/wife have access...

He is someone who clearly breeches boundaries.

I think it highly likely he will jave snooped in your house - he will probably justify it as 'well OP has given me keys to keep an eye on the place.'

I would be worried he has set up tiny cameras inside to watch you... I'd defibitely check any grilles /secret places in your bathroom /bedroom.

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