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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To want to knock her lights out?

416 replies

AngryMumOfTwo · 07/01/2022 07:52

Hi,

I've nc'ed to be anon with this.

I'm quite upset because this note was stuck to our door overnight.

A bit of background. We've moved into this privately rented flat about 4 years ago, when our daughter was only 1. She is now 5. We have just had our second (and last) over Christmas. Like all newborns, she cries at night sometimes. She isn't too bad to be honest, at least we didn't think she was. Our oldest did cry a lot.

We get along with most people who live here. We're generally quiet and private as is all the other residents. Over 50% of them are elderly, though this isn't a retirement block of flats. We're the youngest, but there are others not much older then us.

We don't know who left the note. It is obviously unsigned. We have our suspicions but that's all. If they had knocked on the door and spoken to us, that wouldn't be a problem.

For their own sake, they better hope I don't find out who it is. I'm furious. It's horrid. The residents we've spoken to over the last few days have said how lovely she is but no noise complaints. Our immediate neighbours and the lady directly below are nice people so I don't think it's them.

I'm not sure what else I can really do about this. I had to vent my anger somewhere, sorry. My partner is angry but also found it amusing.

OP posts:

gettingolderbutcooler · 08/01/2022 07:49

I'd keep the note and replace it with one on your door that says:
Thank goodness you have clearly written your abusive message. So that if there's more the police will be able to see that it it is clear harassment.

Offmyfence · 08/01/2022 07:54

@Tamagotchimom

The letter does show that the writer is lacking in class and they really should have come to you directly. I do empathise and it must be very tough, the letter is very unpleasant. However, I don't agree with the notion that other residents should have to simply suffer in silence especially if they have work the next day/are elderly and want to live in peace. This is something you must have considered prior to moving into an apartment block with small children? I'm guessing whoever wrote it wrote the letter after being sleep deprived and probably acted irrationally as a result.

Surely the person writing it should have considered moving into a block of flats could result in hearing neighbours noise before they moved in?

Surely they'd be better suited to living in a detached house, far away from other people?

Offmyfence · 08/01/2022 07:55

@thenewduchessoflapland

Any of your neighbours got a teenage daughter?

Honestly that looks like something my teenage daughter would write in that exact style however this looks like it's been dictated slightly by their parent's/parent.

I agree, writing like a young person but wording like an adult.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 08/01/2022 07:57

If you want to reply, I like @Millionairesshortbreadshort’s response.

Doesn’t have to be written by someone who lives in the building. Could be a teenager visiting granny hearing/hearing of your crying baby. I would have done things for my grandparents if I perceived an issue (albeit not penning a poison letter).

WeAreTheHeroes · 08/01/2022 08:06

Surely everyone knows babies cry? There's other noise which is much worse.

Original poster

AngryMumOfTwo · 08/01/2022 08:26

@DreamTheMoors

Yes I think there is a gay couple that live here. They're one of the residents we don't really see/speak to.

A few have had family over for the Christmas period, including teenagers. I'm unaware if anyone stayed over or if they're still here. We've been a bit preoccupied, obviously.

I might leave a note, along with a photocopy of this one, on the main entrance to the building, with a polite response. My partner agrees with everyone who's said to kill them with kindness.

I read the note to my baby. She just laughed 🤣 if only she understood it, she would probably laugh loud enough for the person to hear 🤣🤣

OP posts:

lashesandflashes · 08/01/2022 09:11

I would also take up drums

RockinHorseShit · 08/01/2022 10:33

I disagree that it's a young persons writing only, it could be either, my 85 yo DF writes like that & he'd also use the term breeding/breeders about family with large families. He's military & I think it's a term used there. I also agree it's used by 40+ gay men as I know a few who use it, though definitely more tongue in cheek than this note.

Someone tagged me & asked why report to police, but I've forgotten who & can't see it now. In answer, it comes under antisocial behaviour & harassment. In our experience it won't be a one off note, so logging it with the police as soon as it starts is probably a sensible idea. The abusive tone of the note would mean they take it seriously

I agree with leaving the note for all to see too, pretty sure anyone seeing it would be disgusted with the writer, not you

alisonsattic · 08/01/2022 10:46

That's such a shockingly terrible note. So full of hate. Just horrible.

I agree with some of the other posters that your neighbours do very much need to be made aware that one of them is predisposed to bring so nasty. Strength and support in numbers I think.

I'd let them see the letter somehow

Whatayear81 · 08/01/2022 11:22

Why the focus on age and gender?

There’s nasty old men
Nasty old women
Nasty young teen male
Nasty young teen female

🤷‍♀️

Whatayear81 · 08/01/2022 11:23

And as for the forensic analysis of the handwriting…seriously?!

Skeumorph · 08/01/2022 11:26

I think also it's just the bitchyness of it, it comes across as a female. Perhaps she is younger?

I totally disagree, the utter aggression and dismissiveness of it - so male. And the term breeders - older man.

Impotent, furious, entitled older man who is red faced with fury that anything to do with a.younger people and b. females - so crying babies score 11/10 - would dare to step one foot out of line in his building

PAFMO · 08/01/2022 11:58

@Whatayear81

And as for the forensic analysis of the handwriting…seriously?!

Because those of us who work in the sector have offered an opinion. I'm a teacher now, so see 200 teenagers' writing. I'm an English teacher, and the syntax and lexical choices of the writer suggest either not a native speaker (strange sentence word order) or someone who thought too carefully (and thus the note reads very unnaturally) about their choices. Before I became a teacher I worked in another sector where analysis of text was a big part of my job. Before that I did a specialisation in forensic linguistics following my degree.

That note was written by a teenager or a fairly young (pre- 40) adult.

Harvey3 · 08/01/2022 12:03

That's a child's handwriting, probably around 11 or 12. They also can't write in straight lines on the paper - you would think an adult would be able to. Just a practical joke by some kids, doubt their parents know about it at all. I wouldn't worry - congratulations on your new baby.

PAFMO · 08/01/2022 12:05

@Harvey3

It's been copied out "in best" as well from an original which was probably less neat. It was written slowly. I'm willing to bet the pen strokes on the paper are heavier than you'd think because of the careful and slow re-copying.

maddy68 · 08/01/2022 12:08

I would say. Thank you for the kind offer of overnight babysitting it's nice to have understanding neighbours who acknowledge how sleep deprived we are due to a crying baby.

If you would arrange a suitable date please let me know and thanks again

Onlinedilema · 08/01/2022 12:10

Wow that is vile.

SmolCat · 08/01/2022 12:22

I disagree that it's a young persons writing only, it could be either, my 85 yo DF writes like that
@RockinHorseShit I would bet a tenner it’s a young person. 85year olds write in cursive but it’s of a different kind. This is quite ‘modern schooling’ cursive.

Camembear · 08/01/2022 13:19

Would photocopy it and put it in the entrance hall to shame them.

RockinHorseShit · 08/01/2022 13:37

@RockinHorseShit I would bet a tenner it’s a young person. 85year olds write in cursive but it’s of a different kind. This is quite ‘modern schooling’ cursive.

I do get what you are saying, but in my experience disability/painful hands & foggy thinking can also have this effect. Plus DF, though very intelligent, wasn't great in school & probably would have been diagnosed with something to explain the disparity between his written skills & thinking these days. So yes, I'd guess there's a high probability that it's a younger person (teen DD writes like this too, though she would never use the term "breeders) but I don't think it's set in stone

NotAnotherPushyMum · 08/01/2022 13:45

Another one (teacher) who thinks it’s a teenager. They way they join the descenders and the s is quite distinctive.

Spudbitch · 08/01/2022 15:10

I would make copies of the note and along with a note from you post it through every door saying I have just given birth I am very upset that someone would post this anonymously I am very sorry if a newborn crying is keeping anyone awake I will do my best to calm them but sadly babies do cry. I did not move in just to breed and it is offensive to say so, If anyone would like a chat or can offer any advice please contact me I am a friendly nice person and would hate to think my innocent baby is upsetting anyone or something just so everyone knows. And yes this person is a total arsehole but perhaps have mental health issues such as dementia or something.

Whatayear81 · 08/01/2022 15:24

@Spudbitch

Two young children One of which a newborn

All the effort involved in this.
The sender will be smirking to him/herself thinking of all the effort he’s made the OP go to

mbosnz · 08/01/2022 15:42

I'd leave a return note on the door, with a baby's dummy attached.

To Brave Anonymous Kind Regards,

Baby says she's done with this, and you can have it, for when you next have to spit the dummy.

Cheers.

OVienna · 08/01/2022 15:48

@mbosnz