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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I’m so upset about an old snowsuit, tell me to get a grip.

261 replies

GarethKeenanInvestigates · 05/01/2022 17:41

My snowsuit from when I was a baby 42 years ago has been worn by my 3 children too, from my 19 year old down to my 17 month old who was still wearing it. I caught a seam on something last week and it ripped.

My mother in law is great at sewing and fixing things, dh asked if she could fix the seam.

He went there at lunch to pick something up and she handed him a new snowsuit she had bought for dd as she had chucked mine in the bin as it was old and she thought she would replace it Sad

I’m not angry at her at all. It was a 42 year old mothercare snowsuit that’s been through 4 children (it was still in good condition though and quite retro and cool). She doesn’t know it was
sentimental to me, We should have said not to throw it if she couldn’t fix it.

To anyone else it was a bit of old shit but it’s was one of the only things I had left. My mum died when I was little, my dad is now 85 and in a care home with dementia, we’ve totally lost him
now, who he was has gone. At the start of his dementia, he started chucking away so much stuff and I didn’t know. So many family photos, videos all gone.

He’d always kept that snowsuit though as my mum bought it the day she found out she was pregnant with me, and he remembered laughing at her because she had bought it in 1 year old size rather than newborn because she was in such an excited flap on the way home from the dr. He loved seeing my older two in it. My littlest dd, he was too far gone to even register.

Plus, I had it in my head that if I was ever l lucky enough to have a grandchild one day, I’d be that annoying gran who passed it down.

I need to get a bloody grip, don’t I. It’s a fucking snowsuit, not a royal christening gown.

OP posts:
harriethoyle · 05/01/2022 20:40

@GarethKeenanInvestigates

Dh knew I would be gutted, so he asked straight away if it was still in the bin. She threw it out at the weekend, bins went monday morning.

@Pegasushaswings ah thank you but it wouldn’t be the same Smile

I’m getting to grips with my dad and grieving losing him at the moment (he’s still ‘here’ physically, but dementia is fucking evil, who he was is gone).

I’d still be gutted if my dad was fine, but it would be easier. It just feels like another loss on top of what’s been a very hard year with him.

@GarethKeenanInvestigates I lost my mum 18 months ago and my dad has advanced dementia. Their old dog is on his last legs and I'm dreading the day he goes. It sounds so stupid but the links slipping away one by one is so very difficult to deal with... solidarity Flowers
ilovesushi · 05/01/2022 20:41

I would be sad too, but I am glad you are not upset at MIL. She ought to have checked but I don't think there is any way she could have suspected it had sentimental value. It has brought you lots of joy and has wonderful memories attached to it. You still have those memories, you didn't lose those. They are the precious part of this not the item itself. xxx

Thehop · 05/01/2022 20:43

Can you get a collage made, or hang up pictures of you all in it, and one of the baby in his new one and hope to smile one day at the story?

Perhaps make sure the tale is passed down through the children with the new snowsuit? Make the tradition twist and turn but still exist?

I’m so sorry, I have nothing of my childhood and totally understand how you feel. Small things to others become the whole world x

andysgirl22 · 05/01/2022 20:47

I'm so sorry this happened OP. Really don't have anything of use to add just giving a handhold and a hug. Also it is very sweet that all of you wore it i find that awesome x

RedHelenB · 05/01/2022 20:48

Your children or their spouses might not have wanted to dress any babies they had in such an old snowsuit, especially if it was beyond repair.

You have the memories, you have the photos. Try not to dwell on this, it's just a piece of clothing.

TheLovelinessOfBaublyDemons · 05/01/2022 20:48

@AutumnAlmanack

What on earth is a snowsuit?
An all in one that you wear in the snow.
shoopashoop · 05/01/2022 20:52

Aw noo. I feel gutted for you. What was it like?

shoopashoop · 05/01/2022 20:54

Oh sorry just seen your PP!

LunaMuffinTop · 05/01/2022 20:55

Oh OP I’m so sorry I could’ve cried for you reading your OP YANBU it was special to you and held a lot of happy memories so I can understand why your so upset about it I’m 32 and still have my bunny teddy from when I was a baby I would be so upset if someone threw it out it might be just a piece of junk to someone else but it's the memories that it holds that make it so special and irreplaceable.

debbs77 · 05/01/2022 20:56

Oh I'm so sorry. That is truly heartbreaking

CoastalWave · 05/01/2022 21:14

I genuinely don't understand why on earth you didn't tell her how important it was to you??! How did you manage to miss that bit out?!

Mind you, I still wouldn't expect anyone to bin something of mine without asking/checking first. That actually is pretty out of order - wasn't hers to bin in the first place.

It could be worse. DH's phone broke and we lost all of DS's first month of photos (I was ill) - every single one. I literally have not one photograph of him being a newborn.

At least you have photos?!

Tilltheend99 · 05/01/2022 21:15

YANBU and you brought a tear to my eye reading that.

My mother passed away before my DD was born but she had saved lots of our baby clothes (including mothercare) in a trunk for us.

I think it was lovely that your children were able to wear it and the memory it held for your father is also very special.

Maybe you could get one of those multiple photo frames and put photos of all your DCs wearing it. Pick an item you bought for your DCs that you can pass down to the grandchildren as a new tradition.

I would have been in bits too. Your MIL wasn’t to know though. Flowers

VeganVampire · 05/01/2022 21:21

Is there a tiny chance that the bins haven't been collected yet? Monday was a bank holiday and here means ttat everything is a few days late - can you pop round now with a torch and some gloves and have a discreet rummage, just in case?

GarethKeenanInvestigates · 05/01/2022 21:21

@CoastalWave

I genuinely don't understand why on earth you didn't tell her how important it was to you??! How did you manage to miss that bit out?!

Mind you, I still wouldn't expect anyone to bin something of mine without asking/checking first. That actually is pretty out of order - wasn't hers to bin in the first place.

It could be worse. DH's phone broke and we lost all of DS's first month of photos (I was ill) - every single one. I literally have not one photograph of him being a newborn.

At least you have photos?!

I know, I could kick myself.

But it was still in good nick, it was just a seam that had come open - it wasn’t a rip on the fabric, so I never, ever imagined she would throw it away. For. someone as good at sewing as she is, it was a five min job to fix.

OP posts:
GarethKeenanInvestigates · 05/01/2022 21:22

@VeganVampire

Is there a tiny chance that the bins haven't been collected yet? Monday was a bank holiday and here means ttat everything is a few days late - can you pop round now with a torch and some gloves and have a discreet rummage, just in case?
Our bins still went monday, they are in the same area.
OP posts:
MrsDeaconClaybourne · 05/01/2022 21:23

I'm generally quite unsentimental about "stuff" but I don't think you AB at all U. The snowsuit sounds gorgeous and I completely get what it meant to you. Hope sharing the memories has made you feel a bit better.

PP's suggestions about photos are great I think Flowers

marmee · 05/01/2022 21:28

Not silly at all - you should write out all the memories for your dcs and potential gcs just like you have so beautifully for us, to explain the photo.

whatsupluckyducky · 05/01/2022 21:29

I would feel exactly the same. Just cherish the lovely memories xx

JaffaCake70 · 05/01/2022 21:36

I don't understand why MIL took it upon herself to chuck it out? Yes buy a new one, but why would you throw the one that's been sent to be sewn away? She had no right to do that.

I think I would be quite annoyed. I think you're handling it far better than I would.

TheOriginalEmu · 05/01/2022 21:42

Ah OP, I’d be sad too. My kids dad accidentally threw the bag away with the clothes I was saving from my first born (first outfit and a special dress) and I was gutted. I didn’t have many newborn photos of her due to a camera mishap so I wanted those reminders. It still stings a bit, he didn’t mean to, I know that it’s just an unfortunate situation, ♥️

LauderSyme · 05/01/2022 21:43

I don't feel that you need to get a grip, I think it is absolutely fine to be so gutted by this. You are allowing yourself to really experience the profound and heartfelt emotions embodied by the snowsuit and it's loss. It must be very painful and I am sorry that you are having to go through this. But it is also a very healthy emotional response and is a way of honouring your feelings of love and loss Flowers

Happymum12345 · 05/01/2022 21:43

I’m so very sorry this has happened. I can imagine how upset you are.
I like the idea that others have come up with about the photos of you all wearing the snowsuit.

HikingforScenery · 05/01/2022 21:49

Aww that’s so sad.
It was really really rude of your mil to throw it away without asking you. Unless she ruined it somehow and is just trying to hide it.
Did your DH know what it meant to you? Did he say anything to her?

WaltzingTilda · 05/01/2022 21:51

I am so sorry OP, it is very sad indeed. I'd be gutted too. I have no words of wisdom, sending you a virtual hug 🤗Flowers

Catsstillrock · 05/01/2022 21:56

Your feelings are completely valid OP. No you don’t need to be told to get a grip. Give you self the time and space to feel sad about it.

I think you or your husband Ned to tell MIL what it meant to you and how upset you are too.

Sure she made a mistake but she needs to know that her over stepping here has cost you something that meant a lot, and have a chance to say sorry.