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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I’m so upset about an old snowsuit, tell me to get a grip.

261 replies

GarethKeenanInvestigates · 05/01/2022 17:41

My snowsuit from when I was a baby 42 years ago has been worn by my 3 children too, from my 19 year old down to my 17 month old who was still wearing it. I caught a seam on something last week and it ripped.

My mother in law is great at sewing and fixing things, dh asked if she could fix the seam.

He went there at lunch to pick something up and she handed him a new snowsuit she had bought for dd as she had chucked mine in the bin as it was old and she thought she would replace it Sad

I’m not angry at her at all. It was a 42 year old mothercare snowsuit that’s been through 4 children (it was still in good condition though and quite retro and cool). She doesn’t know it was
sentimental to me, We should have said not to throw it if she couldn’t fix it.

To anyone else it was a bit of old shit but it’s was one of the only things I had left. My mum died when I was little, my dad is now 85 and in a care home with dementia, we’ve totally lost him
now, who he was has gone. At the start of his dementia, he started chucking away so much stuff and I didn’t know. So many family photos, videos all gone.

He’d always kept that snowsuit though as my mum bought it the day she found out she was pregnant with me, and he remembered laughing at her because she had bought it in 1 year old size rather than newborn because she was in such an excited flap on the way home from the dr. He loved seeing my older two in it. My littlest dd, he was too far gone to even register.

Plus, I had it in my head that if I was ever l lucky enough to have a grandchild one day, I’d be that annoying gran who passed it down.

I need to get a bloody grip, don’t I. It’s a fucking snowsuit, not a royal christening gown.

OP posts:
Cam2020 · 05/01/2022 18:02

YANBU. Flowers

Xiaoxiong · 05/01/2022 18:05

YANBU at all Thanks I agree with everyone else, can you do a little photo wall or collage with all the snowsuit photos? the one with you and your parents, and all your DC photos too. That would be so lovely and you would get to see them all every day. A good thing to come out of this unfortunate misunderstanding with your MIL.

SavoyCabbage · 05/01/2022 18:05

Oh my god, you aren't a twat at all. I'd have been devastated. I don't think you have to tell people not to throw things away that aren't theirs. I can almost understand her thinking 'I'll just buy a new one' but throwing the other one away is ridiculous.

MaryShelley1818 · 05/01/2022 18:06

I'm so sad for you reading that OP 😢
Of course YANBU xx

the80sweregreat · 05/01/2022 18:10

Not read the whole thread.
I would be upset too, she should have asked you first , it wasn't her property
I'd go through the bins maybe ?
I am one to throw things out, but some things have memories and are sentimental.

IbizaToTheNorfolkBroads · 05/01/2022 18:12

You’re not being unreasonable at all, but your MiL should but have thrown it away without asking you.

“The Repair Shop” has made 100s hours of tv around people’s sentiment and family history about seemingly very ordinary things.

DDad died nearly 30 years ago. I still have his PJs, they remind me of us all piling into my parents bed on Saturday mornings.

GarethKeenanInvestigates · 05/01/2022 18:19

That’s a lovely idea about the photos. I’ll do that.

OP posts:
GarethKeenanInvestigates · 05/01/2022 18:19

@IbizaToTheNorfolkBroads that’s a lovely memory of your dad.

OP posts:
the80sweregreat · 05/01/2022 18:20

True about the repair shop programme, some things on there look beyond help , yet they mean so much to the people , memories of using the item or the person that owned it.
The snowsuit reminds you of your children being little and innocent and warm and safe.

PersonaNonGarter · 05/01/2022 18:25

I feel emotional just reading this. Definitely photo in nice frame time. Big fuss. YANBU at all. Flowers

As someone who struggles with de-cluttering and has cleared out several relatives houses after death, one tiny tiny ray of sunshine is that someone else has thrown the suit out. I know, that’s not what you would have done but the suit would have to get thrown out one day - and you didn’t have to do it and neither did you leave it behind for someone else. Small consolation.

myyellowcar · 05/01/2022 18:28

I know you aren’t annoyed with her but it’s really terrible that she threw it away without checking. Given it’s age and the fact you’d sent it for repairs it should have been clear it was a potentially special item.

ZenNudist · 05/01/2022 18:29

I'm sorry but I can't imagine keeping a tatty snow suit for 42 years. I guess I'm not sentimental. At the point it was ripped it was probably time to say good bye.

SleepingStandingUp · 05/01/2022 18:30

I'm sorry op, glad you've got the photos and the memories. Not sure everyone piling trying to make you angry with your MIL is helping.

GarethKeenanInvestigates · 05/01/2022 18:34

I do get your point but it wasn’t tatty! it was in great condition, my children only wore it for
the time it fitted them and for the weather, a few
months each.

I caught the seam on something in the car and tore it.

OP posts:
Camembear · 05/01/2022 18:34

It was special because of the memories and nobody can take those away from you.

ItsFuckingJuneDadQuickHide · 05/01/2022 18:35

God, I feel so sad for you, I'd be in bits TBH. It's the sentimental value, irreplaceable

GarethKeenanInvestigates · 05/01/2022 18:36

@SleepingStandingUp

I'm sorry op, glad you've got the photos and the memories. Not sure everyone piling trying to make you angry with your MIL is helping.
Yeah, there was no way she would have known it was sentimental just because it was old. I often buy vintage items from ebay or charity shops, as far as she would have known, it was something like that.

She’s very kind to me, I wouldn’t make her feel bad.

OP posts:
LittleGwyneth · 05/01/2022 18:39

I would be in bits. You're not being silly. The sadness will fade, but you're more than entitled to feel it now. Flowers

Anycrispsleft · 05/01/2022 18:40

I agree with you that your MIL has done nothing wrong, but that doesn't mean you can't be upset. That sounds like a lovely thing.

My dad did the same when he got Alzheimer's. Threw out all my old teddy bears and books that were up in the loft.

Fangdrew · 05/01/2022 18:43

Oh this is sad. Brought tears to my eyes reading about your excited Mum buying it for you 😢

You are absolutely not being unreasonable but I suspect your MIL just had no idea of the sentimental value it held for you. She probably meant well but should have asked before chucking it. I’d have shed a few tears if I was you too x

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 05/01/2022 18:44

As someone who struggles with de-cluttering and has cleared out several relatives houses after death, one tiny tiny ray of sunshine is that someone else has thrown the suit out. I know, that’s not what you would have done but the suit would have to get thrown out one day - and you didn’t have to do it and neither did you leave it behind for someone else. Small consolation.

I wouldn't personally find that any consolation, though. If it were an entire room chock-full of OP's massive collection of 'international snowsuits through the ages', there would indeed come a time when they would have to be got rid of to reclaim the space; but one snowsuit in a baby's size?

Surely, after OP is gone, her children would either also treasure the snowsuit and its long-term family memories (I can only speak for myself, but certain special things that were particularly very precious to my Mum & Dad are also now precious to me by connection) and find a small safe space for it; or they would not be bothered, get rid of it as 'Mum's memory but not ours' and there would be nobody still living to be upset about that.

Newnamefor2022 · 05/01/2022 18:44

Binning it was a silly thing to do. You wouldn't have asked her to mend it if it hadn't been important to you! Flowers

Fraternaltwin · 05/01/2022 18:45

Your snowsuit is every bit as important as a royal christening gown. My daughter’s snowsuit is still in the loft. She’s nearly 24!

I would be upset about this too 💐

OhGingleBells · 05/01/2022 18:51

Oh that’s really sad OP. I can imagine how upsetting it must be particularly with your dad’s dementia, it’s such an awful disease.

Although it’s nowhere near the same I think you should keep hold of the new snowsuit your MIL bought your DD and save that for your future grandchildren (and any further DC you may have!) Eventually it will become its own sentimental item, and along with the pictures of you and your DC in the original snowsuit you can tell them the whole story, obviously saying how sweet it was for your MIL to buy a new snowsuit when the other one ripped.

AutumnAlmanack · 05/01/2022 18:51

What on earth is a snowsuit?

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