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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I’m so upset about an old snowsuit, tell me to get a grip.

261 replies

GarethKeenanInvestigates · 05/01/2022 17:41

My snowsuit from when I was a baby 42 years ago has been worn by my 3 children too, from my 19 year old down to my 17 month old who was still wearing it. I caught a seam on something last week and it ripped.

My mother in law is great at sewing and fixing things, dh asked if she could fix the seam.

He went there at lunch to pick something up and she handed him a new snowsuit she had bought for dd as she had chucked mine in the bin as it was old and she thought she would replace it Sad

I’m not angry at her at all. It was a 42 year old mothercare snowsuit that’s been through 4 children (it was still in good condition though and quite retro and cool). She doesn’t know it was
sentimental to me, We should have said not to throw it if she couldn’t fix it.

To anyone else it was a bit of old shit but it’s was one of the only things I had left. My mum died when I was little, my dad is now 85 and in a care home with dementia, we’ve totally lost him
now, who he was has gone. At the start of his dementia, he started chucking away so much stuff and I didn’t know. So many family photos, videos all gone.

He’d always kept that snowsuit though as my mum bought it the day she found out she was pregnant with me, and he remembered laughing at her because she had bought it in 1 year old size rather than newborn because she was in such an excited flap on the way home from the dr. He loved seeing my older two in it. My littlest dd, he was too far gone to even register.

Plus, I had it in my head that if I was ever l lucky enough to have a grandchild one day, I’d be that annoying gran who passed it down.

I need to get a bloody grip, don’t I. It’s a fucking snowsuit, not a royal christening gown.

OP posts:
PicaK · 05/01/2022 19:27

Oh no - I ticked yabu cos you were saying you shouldn't be upset. And it was really special so I thought you deserved to be.

HunterGatherer · 05/01/2022 19:30

Could you upload a photo here or at least describe it to us? I have 2 in the attic, You never know!

ThePlumVan · 05/01/2022 19:30

I flipping love how much you loved your snowsuit Grin

Nothing useful to add, but there’s nothing wrong with feeling gutted now, I completely get it and would feel the same. Maybe the new snowsuit can take up the mantle x

DontJumpInTheFountain · 05/01/2022 19:32

I don't think you need to get a grip, I think you are acting admirably. You sound like such a lovely person OP, being able to recognise a genuine mistake even though it has upset you so much.

GarethKeenanInvestigates · 05/01/2022 19:35

Agh, I re registered after changing my email address, I can’t post a photo.

Shiny red with a big dark blue number 1 on the chest. Fluffy white on the inside. It was very cool.

OP posts:
GarethKeenanInvestigates · 05/01/2022 19:36

The label was lost long ago, but it was mothercare.

OP posts:
NoSquirrels · 05/01/2022 19:37

Oh OP. These things are tough.

One day, when your first grandchild arrives and it’s snowsuit season, get a seamstress to create a new ‘old’ snowsuit to pass on. Flowers

Tinsellittis · 05/01/2022 19:44

If the bin hasn’t been collected could it be retrieved?

diddl · 05/01/2022 19:46

I think that is a really odd thing for your MIL to do tbh.

If someone gave me something to mend & I couldn't I would give it back to them.

They might want to ask someone else for one thing.

Do you think she might have made a botch of trying to mend it?

gsaoej · 05/01/2022 19:48

I think it’s an accident all round. She tried to do something nice for you by replacing it and you/dh forgot to let her know it had sentimental value.

PyongyangKipperbang · 05/01/2022 19:50

We have a snowsuit (also mothercare!) bought for my eldest 32 years ago and each of my six have worn it. I am saving it in case any grandchildren come along and I would be utterly heartbroken if anything happened to it.

I dont think you need to get a grip at all. I would be in pieces!

Decemberly · 05/01/2022 19:51

Oh OP, I’m exactly the same. I also lost a parent in childhood and I just think that it does ~something~ to you in terms of the way you feel about material possessions that have links to your lost loved one and memories of them. My sister feels it too, we know the things we find nostalgic are beyond ridiculous sometimes.

I’m sorry this happened to you, I’d feel heartbroken too. And I know it’s not the point of your post, but I think you are being very kind about your mother-in-law throwing it out - despite the fact she thought she was doing a good thing, I doubt that I could hope to be so gracious in the same circumstances.

UsernameInTheTown · 05/01/2022 19:52
Flowers
Ducksurprise · 05/01/2022 19:53

Actually can't read any replies, read yours though, not convinced my reply is helpful but I am heartbroken for you. I'm normal team MIL, but this is thoughtless and unkind. If you wanted to throw it away you wouldn't have asked for it to be repaired. Only saving grace is dh realised how bad it was.

Hunderland · 05/01/2022 19:55

YANBU.

I cleared out lots of DD clothes that didn't fit her any more, Ted Baker dresses, Joules jacket and much, much more. It was in a big box to sort out.

DH took it all to the tip.

Reader, I cried.

Sad
workingtheusername · 05/01/2022 20:09

@GarethKeenanInvestigates

I don’t blame her, it was totally my fault for for not telling her it meant a lot to me.
I disagree it wasn't hers to throw away. You have a right to be upset and it's very kind hearted of you not to be upset with mil.
TobyMory · 05/01/2022 20:14

Aside from anything else I hate it when people throw things like this out. So wasteful. I mean there are so many people struggling and the charity shops take rags. I never throw old clothes away.

St0rmTr00per · 05/01/2022 20:14

i think you should at least mention it OP. to stop anything similar ever happening again if she thinks its ok to throw other peoples belongings away when asked to fix them. Also you dont blame her now but when your DGC come along you may feel resentful and it will then be too late to bring it up. So mentioning now will give her the time to apologise.

CaptainMyCaptain · 05/01/2022 20:17

She had no right to throw away anything that belonged to you and had sentimental value. Unfortunately, some people don't understand things like this. My DH doesn't understand why I keep my mother's sewing machine from 1954 (it still works) but he would be a dead man if he got rid of it.

duckme · 05/01/2022 20:22

Oh my god, I can't talk you around because I would be utterly devastated. I'm happy that you hold your mother in law no Ill will, I'm not sure I would be so forgiving.

Spudbitch · 05/01/2022 20:22

Aww that's horrible but maybe it's a mysterious way of encouraging you moving forward and maybe you could look at it in a positive way as in things are just things not people and your memories are more important. It was time to bury the snowsuit and make new memories perhaps x

duckme · 05/01/2022 20:23

@PotteringAlong

Why don’t you get that lovely photo made into a cushion? Or a collection of that photo and photos of all your children wearing it? Flowers
A lovely idea!
duckme · 05/01/2022 20:26

@Hunderland

YANBU.

I cleared out lots of DD clothes that didn't fit her any more, Ted Baker dresses, Joules jacket and much, much more. It was in a big box to sort out.

DH took it all to the tip.

Reader, I cried.

Sad

I sold my children's pram on eBay. Sobbed as it went. A year later -both children well outgrown a pram by now- I found the buyer on eBay and bought it back. For more than I sold it for. For it to go straight up the loft. Fucking mental!
Livebythecoast · 05/01/2022 20:35

Oh OP, that is so sad and I understand about sentimental value of things. Memories attach us to certain people... when my DD was one, my DM was diagnosed with terminal cancer aged 59. The Easter before she died she bought my DD a poncho with spring flowers on. My DD turned 18 this Christmas and we still have the poncho. My DD doesn't remember my mum but understands the meaning behind it and that her Nanny, gone too soon, bought it for her.
Flowers

Rhannion · 05/01/2022 20:40

That’s really sad and I would feel the same.