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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I’m so upset about an old snowsuit, tell me to get a grip.

261 replies

GarethKeenanInvestigates · 05/01/2022 17:41

My snowsuit from when I was a baby 42 years ago has been worn by my 3 children too, from my 19 year old down to my 17 month old who was still wearing it. I caught a seam on something last week and it ripped.

My mother in law is great at sewing and fixing things, dh asked if she could fix the seam.

He went there at lunch to pick something up and she handed him a new snowsuit she had bought for dd as she had chucked mine in the bin as it was old and she thought she would replace it Sad

I’m not angry at her at all. It was a 42 year old mothercare snowsuit that’s been through 4 children (it was still in good condition though and quite retro and cool). She doesn’t know it was
sentimental to me, We should have said not to throw it if she couldn’t fix it.

To anyone else it was a bit of old shit but it’s was one of the only things I had left. My mum died when I was little, my dad is now 85 and in a care home with dementia, we’ve totally lost him
now, who he was has gone. At the start of his dementia, he started chucking away so much stuff and I didn’t know. So many family photos, videos all gone.

He’d always kept that snowsuit though as my mum bought it the day she found out she was pregnant with me, and he remembered laughing at her because she had bought it in 1 year old size rather than newborn because she was in such an excited flap on the way home from the dr. He loved seeing my older two in it. My littlest dd, he was too far gone to even register.

Plus, I had it in my head that if I was ever l lucky enough to have a grandchild one day, I’d be that annoying gran who passed it down.

I need to get a bloody grip, don’t I. It’s a fucking snowsuit, not a royal christening gown.

OP posts:
Lovelydovey · 05/01/2022 18:52

We passed on clothes and blankets that MiL and DM knitted to our nephews and nieces while they were both still alive. I’m gutted now that they’ve both gone that I didn’t keep anything to pass on my grandchildren (even though that is likely 20-30 years away). I have to rely on the memories I have and remember that they are getting use from others, which is what they would want.

Not the same situation at all, but sympathising with you. These things often have more sentimental than practical meaning and it can hurt when they are gone.

AmIgoinghomeforXmas · 05/01/2022 18:53

It is an outdoor all in one item of clothing for babies that is padded and worn when it is cold outside.

Tellmeagain · 05/01/2022 18:53

You don't need to get a grip at all. Feel as sad as you need to about the snowsuit and everything is represents.

The photo collage sounds like a great idea.

katkitty · 05/01/2022 18:53

when you found out was it too late to get it out the bin

Alwayswonderedwhy · 05/01/2022 18:55

I would be really upset too. Could you ask her to get it out of the bin if it's not been collected. She really should've asked before throwing it out.

Pegasushaswings · 05/01/2022 18:57

have you got a photo OP? I buy and sell vintage kids clothes so I may be able to track one down for you?

casinoroyale4ever · 05/01/2022 18:58

oh that's sad, and thoughtless of your MIL - you think the request to get it properly fixed would've clued her in to it not being like anything else but perhaps it was time to let it go? You have all the photos and the memories in your head.

I realised a while ago that it's better to document memories electronically rather than hold onto stuff.

Russelhobskettle · 05/01/2022 18:59

@Theunamedcat

Look on ebay? I had one for my daughter from a charity shop that was genuinely years old and still in fantastic condition
Why would Op do that?
Russelhobskettle · 05/01/2022 19:00

@AutumnAlmanack

What on earth is a snowsuit?
Google is your friend.
Rodion · 05/01/2022 19:00

Oh what a shame Flowers

Maybe try and focus on being glad that all your children did get a chance to be photographed in it (imagine how sad you'd be if this happened before your youngest got a chance to wear it, or before you got a photo) and then make the photo display of everyone in the snowsuit become 'the special thing'.

SickOfItNoww · 05/01/2022 19:02

I'd be absolutely livid at MIL and tell her so!

inheritancetrack · 05/01/2022 19:02

You are quite entitled to be heartbroken, anyone would feel the same.

GarethKeenanInvestigates · 05/01/2022 19:03

Dh knew I would be gutted, so he asked straight
away if it was still in the bin. She threw it out at the weekend, bins went monday morning.

@Pegasushaswings ah thank you but it wouldn’t be the same Smile

I’m getting to grips with my dad and grieving losing him at the moment (he’s still ‘here’ physically, but dementia is fucking evil, who he was is gone).

I’d still be gutted if my dad was fine, but it would be easier. It just feels like another loss on top of what’s been a very hard year with him.

OP posts:
betwixtlives · 05/01/2022 19:03

Oh no that’s so frustrating, I’d be so sad Sad

casinoroyale4ever · 05/01/2022 19:04

dementia is absolutely awful, much sympathy. Sounds like you need to think of some things to pick yourself up mentally if you can, it's a horrible disease.

LittleDoritt · 05/01/2022 19:05

I'm gutted for you. I bet the royals don't value their christening gown any more than you valued your snowsuit. You have every right to be heartbroken.

Gertie75 · 05/01/2022 19:06

Have the bins definitely been emptied?
Monday was a Bank Holiday so they may be collecting them on a different day.

MrsToadflax · 05/01/2022 19:08

You are incredibly calm! I would have been livid. I know you say it's fine, but your MIL had no right to throw it out without checking first. I hope your DH made it clear how devastated you'd be, so she never makes assumptions again.

Gagagardener · 05/01/2022 19:08

17:51Yummayumma

It’s easy to get upset about stuff like that even when you know you’re being a bit silly. She’d probably be mortified if she knew how much it meant to you.
This

3luckystars · 05/01/2022 19:11

I wouldn’t give up hope. I would ring the bin company and ask them is there any hope at all that they separate out the clothes. It was only a few days ago.

I’d say she made a balls of it and had to throw it out. That’s my feeling about it. Would it make you feel better if you knew that she wrecked it with the sewing machine and had to throw it out?

Does she know now how sentimental you were about it, did your husband tell her?

I’d love to see a photo of it too. I’m so so sorry this happened. I understand. My mother threw away all my sons baby clothes and I was absolutely devastated and still get upset thinking about it.
My parents are hoarders and their entire house is full of shit, but I left a bag of his things there and she threw them all out that day. I still can’t understand how she could do such a thing.

It’s understandable you are upset. I’m so sorry this happened.

SpiderinaWingMirror · 05/01/2022 19:12

Yanbu. I have bits of frankly tat that I have moved from house to house as a reminder of things

GarethKeenanInvestigates · 05/01/2022 19:12

@Gagagardener

17:51Yummayumma

It’s easy to get upset about stuff like that even when you know you’re being a bit silly. She’d probably be mortified if she knew how much it meant to you.
This

Oh she would. I mean dh asked when she had thrown it out, but didn’t say anything else, he didn’t know what to say until he’d told me.

She’s a nice person and has been really good to me over the years, I wouldn’t tell her. The only point in that would be to make her feel bad, which I wouldn’t do.

I’ve never told her about the snowsuit, I doubt she even clocked my children wore the same one, I have huge age gaps!

OP posts:
Holothane · 05/01/2022 19:13

I understand completely your pain she was out of order.

ColourBeautiful · 05/01/2022 19:22

Remember the memories are with you, and your children. Not in the actual item.

Your mil did not intentionally try to hurt you.

Try to focus and reframe on the fact that you and your children all enjoyed that snowsuit your mum bought when she was so excited! That will always stay with you, those feeling can’t be thrown away.Flowers

All the best OP!

BDavis · 05/01/2022 19:26

@GarethKeenanInvestigates Oh OP Flowers if you’re a sentimental twat then so am I! I’m absolutely gutted for you just reading this! Try to see the positives - how beautiful that you have pictures of all your babies wearing something that clearly meant so much to your lovely mum and dad too 😊 buying that first item of clothing is always so exciting ❤️

And I’m really sorry to hear about your Dad ❤️ Ive been there with a loved one too. Losing them before they’re really gone is absolutely heartbreaking Flowers