@Emerald5hamrock
Your situation is different, it doesn't seem like she was very nurturing anyway, not helping with you or her DGD when she was born, blatantly ignoring you if you're ill.
It's like grieving when you don't get the DM you deserve one who puts you first.
I think you should try ignoring her if the self absortion is hurting you, she won't change.
But the OP lives in a different country to her mother, so what kind of help could she realistically have offered? And, as is noted so frequently on here, advice about baby care often alters so much between generations that 'advice' across the generations can often be fall askew, or seem well-intentioned but wrong, especially if this is all happening via text and phone. (If I look at the advice my mother was reading in baby books in the early 70s when I was born, it bears very little resemblance to what I was being advised to do when DS was born in 2011.
OP, I sympathise, but I have the opposite problem with my own mother, so hear me out, and it might reconcile you slightly to yours my mother is ONLY interested in me and my siblings when we're down, troubled, ill, unlucky etc. It's the only time she seems engaged and interested. This doesn't just extend to her children, but to all her relationships she's always surrounded herself with the unwell, unfortunate and needy, by choice, because it makes her feel needed and powerful -- but you can literally feel her switch off on the phone if you call her in a good mood, feeling positive about something, or to share a piece of good news.
It's as if her mindset goes 'Oh, well you don't need me, so, if you've got X.' As if, having always thought of herself as an unlucky, unsuccessful person, she doesn't see us as hers unless we mirror the way she's always thought of herself.
I get that you're feeling rejected, but honestly, the other way around (where you're only interesting if you're unwell, dumped, fired, struggling etc) is also pretty unprepossessing.