Is there an age your mum sort of starts caring less?

[Feeldoublemyage]

I’ve noticed it over the last few years, first in silly little ways-always sent me small gifts on my birthday, advent calendar at Christmas (I live abroad) doesn’t anymore, barely gives any birthday money when she sees me etc. The main thing is just the lack of caring/suppprt. When I had my Dd, she barely helped or offered any advice, if I’d message about anything, you’d mainly say could I ask me friends, well I could, but would love some support off her too.
The most upsetting has been when she texts to ask how I am, if I say I’m not that great that day (have long covid for almost two years, mainly ok, but with relapses which aren’t great) I barely mention it, but if I do, she then doesn’t even reply to that message, but will message a week later all bright and breezy as if all is ok. Is it that she just can’t be bothered? Because I now have a Dd, I feel I’m very different and can’t imagine not being there for her.
Is anyone else’s mum like this? Is it an age thing?

Worrying about adult kids is agonising. Because you can do nothing. You can't control anything, you can't interfere, and your offspring are far less likely to listen to anything you say without judgement, as they did when they were children.

Seriously, my DDs are in their mid 30s and their problems cause me far more anxiety than they did when they lived at home.

I have to appear somewhat detached from them, because if I got as involved as I want to, and as I would when they were teens, they'd be horrified and annoyed. So I have to bottle it up and have sleepless nights instead. Knowing, of course, that it's what parents of adults need to do rather than a helicopter and insert themselves too much into their kids' and their partners' lives.

I'm the other way round OP my mum and dad live abroad. I send them an advent calendar every year, Easter cookies, Xmas and birthday gifts, the odd box of chocs or something small. Often the postage costs more than the gift ! I also send really lovely cards for every occasion. I miss them and know they really appreciate it.
They do send me birthday money though which I appreciate.

I completely agree @saraclara. You think, when they're little, that it's hard work. But nothing prepares you for what it's like as they get older. And when you can't make it better for them.

@saraclara

Worrying about adult kids is agonising. Because you can do nothing. You can't control anything, you can't interfere, and your offspring are far less likely to listen to anything you say without judgement, as they did when they were children.

Seriously, my DDs are in their mid 30s and their problems cause me far more anxiety than they did when they lived at home.

I have to appear somewhat detached from them, because if I got as involved as I want to, and as I would when they were teens, they'd be horrified and annoyed. So I have to bottle it up and have sleepless nights instead. Knowing, of course, that it's what parents of adults need to do rather than a helicopter and insert themselves too much into their kids' and their partners' lives.

@saraclara. Oh dear, that really scares me. Mine are teens so I hear every minute detail of their problems right now and still find it hard to help them sometimes. Knowing they’re not happy and not being able to help at all must be worse!

DH and I (late 40’s) actually haven’t shared any problems with our parents for years, partly to protect them and partly because we know they can’t really help! Although I did share something with my Dad recently and now he won’t stop ringing me with suggestions. He’s 83 and in poor health so I’m not sure I did the right thing burdening him- but I think he’s rather enjoying telling me what to do, tbh. He’s always been quite bossy.🤣