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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think this restaurant Bill split should have been done differently?

339 replies

2020too · 04/01/2022 19:01

My Mom treated me to a restaurant voucher for Christmas as we tend to buy experiences rather than items.

She deliberately picked this restaurant as is a lovely place and I also get 33% off because of where I work - she saw this as stretching the money further.

We have an annually occuring meet up in the lull between Christmas and NYE with 2 couples from our hobby group non-specified as it might be outing

We meet up with them every few months for a meal and drinks at various places as well as seeing them frequently for hobbying. We rally enjoy their company.

It was one of other couple's pick of venue last week. They suggested this restaurant in the group chat, and I said great because my discount would apply and so we booked in mid December for last week.

As we sat down for the meal, I told my DH to remind me to use the voucher when the bill cane as I'm likely to forget - my menopause isn't serving my brain well . The others commented on what a nice present and then conversation turned to their Christmas presents etc.

Now for the sums

The bill for 3 couples was £450.

My discount brought it diwn to £300.

£345 with the tip.

£115 per couple.

One of the others reminded me about my voucher .

So to me that meant we had £65 to pay.

Someone spoke up and said, okay so that's 345 less the voucher = 295 to pay, let's call it £100 per couple, yeah.

So that's what we did

I bloody know I need to work in my assertiveness kills and I absolutely won't be addressing the issue, as I'm not a boat rocker. I also am aware that I didn't explicitly say that this was just for me and DH, because in no way would I have thought anyone would have thought elsewise.

YANBU: most people wouldn't have included the voucher as a joint contribution?

YABU they were totally reasonable to deduct the voucher off the total bill before dividing into thirds.

Never had any Bill splitting problems before with these, and £35 inequality wouldn't stop me socialising with them again. I'm just a very bit Confused

OP posts:
Phyllis321 · 04/01/2022 20:17

YANBU - but like another poster I wouldn’t have used a voucher in a shared meal scenario, precisely because of potential misunderstandings.

Fireatseaparks · 04/01/2022 20:17

OP, it was a misunderstanding, don't lose friends over this.

I also wouldn't try and use a voucher for your own meal when you're splitting the bill. I'm clearly in the minority, but I think it's poor form.

longtompot · 04/01/2022 20:18

Yanbu but you should have either used it for just you and your dh at another time, or told the group it was a present for you so you would just be using it on yours and your dhs part of the meal. The discount was plenty enough for them.

Kitkat151 · 04/01/2022 20:19

@lap90

Tbh, I wouldn't have used a giftcard in this scenario.
Me neither....it should have been used when OP was there With DH only
Dentistlakes · 04/01/2022 20:20

That’s ridiculous. Of course your voucher shouldn’t have counted towards their meal. They were lucky enough to have a discount due to you, they were very rude to use your voucher to reduce their bill too.

wineandsprite · 04/01/2022 20:20

Fuckers stole your Christmas present.

givethatbabyaname · 04/01/2022 20:21

Seems I’m in a minority, but I would have no problem sharing a Christmas gift with my friends. The 33% discount is great, it applies to the bill. But if someone gave me £100 to use at The Ivy, and then friends randomly chose The Ivy for a group meet with friends AND I spoke about the voucher with them, I would expect to share it with them. They’re friends 🤷‍♀️

If I wanted to keep it for myself, I would have not brought it up at all, or just pulled it out when time came to settle my share of the bill. Neither of those things would be a big deal, or deceptive, or any of anyone else’s business.

To me it’s like a pot luck dinner where you turn up with a whole bunch of gifted M&S food as your contribution when everyone else as cooked their own, telling everyone you paid nothing for it, then not sharing it with others. Either don’t say it was free, or don’t bring it.

Fireatseaparks · 04/01/2022 20:22

I am blown away by the sheer volume of people who can't understand how someone literally announcing 'I have a voucher for this place' couldn't POSSIBLY have meant it was only for her, her MEAN friends completely took advantage, OF COURSE she only meant it was for her.

Lesson learnt. Don't take advice from the majority of users on this site!

wineandsprite · 04/01/2022 20:23

To me it’s like a pot luck dinner where you turn up with a whole bunch of gifted M&S food as your contribution when everyone else as cooked their own, telling everyone you paid nothing for it, then not sharing it with others. Either don’t say it was free, or don’t bring it

How do you work that one out?
In your scenario, OP isn't down any money. She is 50 quid lighter now though.

Musicalmaestro · 04/01/2022 20:23

I think cornflakegirl's message to send is perfect.

I think it's probably a misunderstanding complicated by a few glasses of wine at the time. I am useless at maths and have to admit I generally just let someone work out the bill at group meals and pay up whatever is suggested. However I would definitely want to rectify the mistake when it was pointed out.

TeachesOfPeaches · 04/01/2022 20:24

I would have used the voucher another time and not in a big group scenario

NowWhatUsernameShallIHave · 04/01/2022 20:24

You should’ve spoken up but to be honest I wouldn’t use a gift card with friends

Enough4me · 04/01/2022 20:27

@Fireatseaparks, but do you think they set out to use the voucher when OP says they're normally nice friends?

I had an option to withdraw topcashback money for a voucher for a Christmas meal with cousins, but had already bought their Christmas presents so held back as I'll use at a time when it's just my smaller group (partner & DCs). I knew that if I had a voucher it could look like I had a freebie or discount and I would have felt awkward in putting it down instead of cash just for our meals.

Kshhuxnxk · 04/01/2022 20:28

We have a voucher (Christmas Gift) and will be using it when we go with another couple. We'll just put it towards the total bill so presumably that's what the other couples thought would happen.

GreenFridays · 04/01/2022 20:29

I think it was simply a misunderstanding. They probably understood you saying you have a voucher as a voucher to add to the bill. You shouldn’t have used it in a group setting, hence it confusing matters

Thatsplentyjack · 04/01/2022 20:33

That's so cheeky! You should have had to speak up OP, who would expect to be able to use someone's Christmas present like that, and for BOTH couple to do it without question is really weird!

Pinot4me · 04/01/2022 20:37

Something similar happened to me once… my friend and I had been talking about having a spa day together as a treat. My husband bought me a voucher for Christmas which exceeded the value of the spa day. (£150 voucher - spa day cost pp £100) My friend came with me and just assumed that the difference figure meant that she should pay less… so she paid £50 at check in.
We are good friends. It was awkward. I said nothing but was peeved when we stayed for a meal and drinks afterwards and split the restaurant bill 50/50. So the whole day cost her £50 less than me.
This was years ago. I look back on it now and can’t believe I let it happen.
We live and learn!

ThePlumVan · 04/01/2022 20:41

We all know the voucher should have come off your share HOWEVER I think announcing it to the group the way you did, it kind of become public property (runs & hides!).

Pugdogmom · 04/01/2022 20:43

Yes, you should have spoken up, or not used it at a group meal, and appears there was a misunderstanding. I would put this down to experience. I wouldn't be asking them for money, no matter how annoying it is, unless they have a history of being CFs. You should have said at the time.

SquirrelFan · 04/01/2022 20:44

I agree with @SenselessUbiquity and @givethatbabyaname. If you bring a voucher to a meal and ask people to remind you about it, it's implying that you're going to share it - and why wouldn't you? Treating your friends is perfectly normal. The cupcake analogy is spot on.

rookiemere · 04/01/2022 20:46

I don't think your friends stiffed you intentionally OP, bill splitting is awkward and they may have misunderstood how you got the vouchers.
I don't think you should have used them when you were in a group as it would have been odd for you to be paying a different amount.

HTH1 · 04/01/2022 20:47

@TheFlis12345

Did you explain that it was a voucher you had been given as a gift by your mum? Otherwise they may have thought it was something impersonal related to your discount?
I thought the same. Better not to use vouchers when with others because of these issues.
OnlyAFleshWound · 04/01/2022 20:47

I cannot believe some posters suggesting you message them now and ask for the money back. Fucking hell.

SenselessUbiquity · 04/01/2022 20:49

@OnlyAFleshWound

I cannot believe some posters suggesting you message them now and ask for the money back. Fucking hell.
I know, right. Mega cringe. You might get a list back of every coffee they ever bought you, or every time you jumped out of a cab at your place and couldn't find a tenner and they just waved you off
2020too · 04/01/2022 20:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.