AIBU to think this restaurant Bill split should have been done differently?

[2020too]

My Mom treated me to a restaurant voucher for Christmas as we tend to buy experiences rather than items.

She deliberately picked this restaurant as is a lovely place and I also get 33% off because of where I work - she saw this as stretching the money further.

We have an annually occuring meet up in the lull between Christmas and NYE with 2 couples from our hobby group non-specified as it might be outing

We meet up with them every few months for a meal and drinks at various places as well as seeing them frequently for hobbying. We rally enjoy their company.

It was one of other couple's pick of venue last week. They suggested this restaurant in the group chat, and I said great because my discount would apply and so we booked in mid December for last week.

As we sat down for the meal, I told my DH to remind me to use the voucher when the bill cane as I'm likely to forget - my menopause isn't serving my brain well . The others commented on what a nice present and then conversation turned to their Christmas presents etc.

Now for the sums

The bill for 3 couples was £450.

My discount brought it diwn to £300.

£345 with the tip.

£115 per couple.

One of the others reminded me about my voucher .

So to me that meant we had £65 to pay.

Someone spoke up and said, okay so that's 345 less the voucher = 295 to pay, let's call it £100 per couple, yeah.

So that's what we did

I bloody know I need to work in my assertiveness kills and I absolutely won't be addressing the issue, as I'm not a boat rocker. I also am aware that I didn't explicitly say that this was just for me and DH, because in no way would I have thought anyone would have thought elsewise.

YANBU: most people wouldn't have included the voucher as a joint contribution?

YABU they were totally reasonable to deduct the voucher off the total bill before dividing into thirds.

Never had any Bill splitting problems before with these, and £35 inequality wouldn't stop me socialising with them again. I'm just a very bit

@2020too

Cheeky feckers. Sadly in this situation you'll have to take it on the chain and assert yourself better if the same thing happens again.

I hate splitting bills sometimes

I remember once I ended up paying more by splitting than if I had just paid for my own meal and drink.

@MeredithGreyishblue but what kind of service even warrants a £50 tip for a 2 hour meal? Why do they deserve more than servers who work in cheaper places getting £3 tip for the same time frame? They are paid proper wages like everyone else, a tip should be a little bonus, not a windfall surely? I always tip a few pounds unless it was bad service but I don’t have the money to subsidise peoples wages on top. I’m aware there will be thinking I can’t afford to eat in better places. I can. But I’m not flush. And I’m not an employer. And I hate an ‘optional gratuity’ added automatically to the bill. It’s hardly optional.

YANBU to use your voucher at a group meal. How you pay for your meal is nobody's business but your own. Suggest next time keep personal voucher quiet until it's time to pay. They just say however much on your card and you have a personal voucher for xxx

Your friends are cheapskates and they know what they did. Even if they didn't realise it at the time they would have thought about it since when bragging to friends how much they saved on the meal. They could easily have send you the difference by now.

My advice is to back off these people. They don't have your best interests at heart so they aren't great friends IMO.

Those saying you need to work on your assertiveness, it's easy to say that

@Sprucewillis really you think the friends would be bragging about the £15 they saved due to the OPs vouchers?
Seems a bit unlikely, but I like to think the best of people.

@rookiemere

I'm not sure that a passive aggressive jest from OP would help very much at all *@silkience* it sounds pretty accusatory and tbh if I got that message I'd forward the £15 instantly and never go out with OP again.

But mentioning it and saying "Guys silly me I put the voucher towards to group bill when it was just meant to be for our share, can we even up on our next outing ? " then I'd go oh yes that did seem odd didn't question it at the time , but makes sense.

I try to assume good intentions from friends wherever possible.

Yes I'd go for that sort of thing next time I was out -maybe "drinks on you lot tonight as I realise I accidentally split that voucher I got for Xmas between us all rather than use it for my share"

[quote rookiemere]@Sprucewillis really you think the friends would be bragging about the £15 they saved due to the OPs vouchers?
Seems a bit unlikely, but I like to think the best of people.[/quote]
I think you will find they saved more than that. You can do math right?

@Sprucewillis they saved more due to the discount on the meal, which didn't cost OP anything to use. The voucher amount is the only sum in dispute.

[quote rookiemere]@Sprucewillis they saved more due to the discount on the meal, which didn't cost OP anything to use. The voucher amount is the only sum in dispute.[/quote]
😏 so the bill was £495 in total (inc tip). And with the OP's generosity they paid £100 per couple. They saved £65 per couple. So yeah I think cheapskates like these might brag about saving £65. It's not relevant what the cost was to the OP. They saved £65 per couple because she used her discount and voucher (both of which she could have saved for another time). £65 saved per couple - I'm saying it again in case you still don't understand that.

They saved £65 per couple because she used her discount and voucher (both of which she could have saved for another time). £65 saved per couple - I'm saying it again in case you still don't understand that.

Yes, they did save £65 each because of OP, but the discount is more like a perpetual coupon that OP couldn't 'save' for another time, because it would still be automatically available next time, and the next time, and the next time, regardless of how many times OP goes and how much she/her group spends each time.

Think of it like having an unmetered water supply: if a friend asks you for a glass, 10 glasses, 1,000 glasses of water - it doesn't cost you any extra to provide them, nor will it deplete the unlimited amount available to you for yourself at any time.

I remember once I ended up paying more by splitting than if I had just paid for my own meal and drink.

But that's literally what splitting is all about - every single time. Unless you all eat and drink exactly the same, some people will pay more than they consume and others will pay less.

The theory is that, for the sake of a pound or two either way, it's not worth the faff of going through the bill with a calculator and asking who had every item, when you've all had broadly similar/equivalent; but some people are really adept at taking huge advantage of it and expecting others to subsidise them when they've deliberately spent two or three times as much on all the expensive options.

I've even heard of people who will discreetly add up who had what at the end of each meal regardless - and then either insist on splitting equally or just paying individually for what they actually had, depending on which way will work out 'better value' for them (i.e. they'll happily take a subsidy but will refuse to ever subsidise others).

Maybe lesson learned to speak up about it at the beginning of the meal?

@waterrat

I think it would have been nicer to use thr discount another time. It seems a bit wierd getting a personal large discount while others pay normally. However. You are right it was your discount. But I think being in a group may have led to confusion.

But the voucher wasn't in any sense a 'discount', it was OPs Christmas present from her mum

@rookiemere

I'm not sure that a passive aggressive jest from OP would help very much at all *@silkience* it sounds pretty accusatory and tbh if I got that message I'd forward the £15 instantly and never go out with OP again.

But mentioning it and saying "Guys silly me I put the voucher towards to group bill when it was just meant to be for our share, can we even up on our next outing ? " then I'd go oh yes that did seem odd didn't question it at the time , but makes sense.

I try to assume good intentions from friends wherever possible.

I'd do the second one... Do it as a 'silly me' approach, rather than I was so sad (to realise you'd leached off my Christmas present etc...).

If anyone says anything negative, I'd really bowl back with, that was our Christmas gift to us from mum... She wouldn't have intended it for us to give away.....

Any reasonable person would immediately agree..

Many years ago my mum bought me tickets to fave band at o2... I was single at the time, I invited along a pal who loved them too... Lovely night... Soured a little, as friend not only didn't offer to help pay fuel /parking... 3 hours round trip... She also didn't offer to buy and drinks /food.... She was not poor.... So my mum (and me) paid for a very nice evening out for my friend that hadn't cost her a penny! In todays money this would have been about £200!

On a side note, I don’t think a voucher for a restaurant is a great gift to give someone in the first place, unless it is at least enough to pay for a meal for two with drinks. Otherwise you’re just giving a gift that can only be used if the recipient is also willing to spend their own money in addition to the voucher at a particular restaurant, and to do that before the voucher expires. It places the recipient under an obligation to use it at a cost to themselves, which is not a great thing to do with any gift.

In any event, I think people can have different attitudes towards eating out with friends, which really colours their approach towards bill paying.

For some people it is a bit like going to a shop with friends and choosing a selection of products - you use the products you select and should pretty much expect to pay for those products (and no one else’s).

For other people a meal out is more like going for a shared experience, like going to the theatre perhaps. You all choose whatever food and drink will most enhance that experience for you, but whatever those individual choices are, at the end of the night you’ve all participated in that same shared experience. I think people who think of it like this are probably more inclined to split bills equally. They might also be more inclined to share a voucher with the whole group, because by enjoying the experience with friends they’ll feel like they got good value out of using it, without necessarily totting up the exact benefit it made to their individual bank account. You still be able to say “thank you for the voucher, I ended up putting it towards a lovely night out with friends”, and that would be absolutely true.