AIBU to think this restaurant Bill split should have been done differently?

[2020too]

My Mom treated me to a restaurant voucher for Christmas as we tend to buy experiences rather than items.

She deliberately picked this restaurant as is a lovely place and I also get 33% off because of where I work - she saw this as stretching the money further.

We have an annually occuring meet up in the lull between Christmas and NYE with 2 couples from our hobby group non-specified as it might be outing

We meet up with them every few months for a meal and drinks at various places as well as seeing them frequently for hobbying. We rally enjoy their company.

It was one of other couple's pick of venue last week. They suggested this restaurant in the group chat, and I said great because my discount would apply and so we booked in mid December for last week.

As we sat down for the meal, I told my DH to remind me to use the voucher when the bill cane as I'm likely to forget - my menopause isn't serving my brain well . The others commented on what a nice present and then conversation turned to their Christmas presents etc.

Now for the sums

The bill for 3 couples was £450.

My discount brought it diwn to £300.

£345 with the tip.

£115 per couple.

One of the others reminded me about my voucher .

So to me that meant we had £65 to pay.

Someone spoke up and said, okay so that's 345 less the voucher = 295 to pay, let's call it £100 per couple, yeah.

So that's what we did

I bloody know I need to work in my assertiveness kills and I absolutely won't be addressing the issue, as I'm not a boat rocker. I also am aware that I didn't explicitly say that this was just for me and DH, because in no way would I have thought anyone would have thought elsewise.

YANBU: most people wouldn't have included the voucher as a joint contribution?

YABU they were totally reasonable to deduct the voucher off the total bill before dividing into thirds.

Never had any Bill splitting problems before with these, and £35 inequality wouldn't stop me socialising with them again. I'm just a very bit

They are really not your friends.

CF'ers!!!
You or your husband should have spoken up at the time.
I'd be thinking very carefully next time I was due to go out with them.

@Bluntness100

They just assumed you were using it to discount the total Meal. Your group message and comments indicated it. You should have said.

Apologies I don't think my OP was clear enough.

To to clarify because a few posters have questtioned some points.

I didn't mention the voucher in the group chat on whatsapp on booking as I didn't know I was havering the voucher then - we booked mid December, voucher was for Christmas.

At the table I said to DH, "remind me to get mom's voucher out when the bill comes" others picked up on the comment and agreed it was a lovely gift and experiences are a great gift at our age when we've got most things we need, then the conversations went on to other Christmas presents etc.

I was remind by one person (DH was in the loo) "don't forget your mom's voucher!"

So yes I think the host was there that it was mine, but with the discount and the tip and the splitting and the fact we'd had a lot of drinks, the portioning of the bill was a bit messy.

I definitely will take on board suggestions to keep vouchers simple. And to work on my assertiveness

Your friends shouldn’t have done that so YANBU.
But if they had been drinking maybe it all got a bit complicated and they didn’t realise what they had done?

No your Christmas present shouldn't have been used to pay for other people's meals.

But, as you already know, you should have spoken up and made it clear ie "here's my voucher for part of my payment."

Also, you shouldn't really have been using the voucher as part of a group meal - it confuses things (as you can now see). Using the voucher for a meal for just you and your DH at another time would have made a lot more sense.

I think paying an extra £15 when you’ve paid £45 tip is a bit funny.

I agree that using the voucher in a group situation where you have already volunteered a discount to reduce everyone's bill probably muddied the water enough that I would, like you, be annoyed at myself for not clearing up the confusion, but would almost certainly do the same in the same circumstances!

(I say that as someone who ended up with a fringe I DID NOT WANT because I was too embarrassed to say that to the hairdresser because she had a fringe and I didn't want to imply anything negative about fringes... )

I agree that this is an excellent opportunity to work on your assertiveness.

Message them and say, Sorry, I was a bit of a wet lettuce at the restaurant, but it's bothering me now. My £50 voucher got taken off the total bill, but I wasn't intending to share, as it was a Christmas present from my mum. Please could you transfer me £15 each.

If you've never had issues with them before I'd probably give them the benefit of the doubt. Things potentially got confusing with both the discount and the voucher but I do agree that the voucher should have just come off your share.

Please do work on your assertiveness. I feel sorry for you mum who bought you a present worth £50 for you to only benefit from £15 of it.

I don't agree with a previous poster that you shouldn't have paid anything as your discount covered your share...that's ridiculous, if you went on your own you would still have to pay something, you wouldn't get a meal for free and in that scenario they would be subsidising you (I know you didn't say this OP, just addressing the point made by another poster). But I agree, discount to be shared, and a nice gesture, voucher just for you.

Absolute cheeky fuckers! Especially bearing in mind they’d benefitted from your discount!

Yes you could and probably should have been more assertive but it doesn’t make them any less cheeky

You should have divided the bill in three and then used your voucher for your share not everyone else's. Unbelievable. You do need to be very clear with people.

It’s sounds like miscommunication.
They thought you were using your voucher to discount the entire meal, like you would use your work discount.

You should have worked out how much it would cost each without the voucher and then said I’m going to use my voucher to pay for mine.

Typed a reply and lost it!
I think that's shocking and really unkind to use The gift meant for you from your mum. You had already got them a HUGE discount which they clearly don't appreciate anyway. Years ago I would often meet my friend for dinner and she had a taste card. I would always insist on paying a bit more, the tip for example as I was still saving money by us using her card and I appreciated it.
2 things. I would absolutely not go to that restaurant again with them as they don't deserve to enjoy your discount. Use it for your other proper friends and family only. And secondly next time you are arranging a meal I would jokingly say perhaps not the restaurant we went to before as I can't bring that up with my mum. She's upset with me that I used my Christmas gift on all of us when it was clearly intended for me only.
I also think this is really strange behaviour. Obviously that is your voucher for you and your husband's share only?! Or another thing you could do is next time you are out you could jokingly take the bill and say I'll organise the splitting as last time I incorrectly paid too much as my voucher wasn't deducted so I'm hoping my maths is stronger than Xs maths. Something jokey like that. You shouldn't have to even feel like you need to say it as a joke, it's jsut I get how you want to avoid confrontation etc.
I would feel so uncomfortable doing that to a friend. You might have a lot in common through your hobby and they might be a laugh but an incident like that would put me off them. It was rude, cheeky and unkind quite frankly. As I said I wouldn't let them enjoy your discount there again either. Keep that for your real friends and family!

I don’t think you can ask people for the money now. You needed to be more assertive at the time.

It’s like your mum gave you a £50 (or whatever) box of chocolates and you sharing them round and people helping themselves to like 20 chocs each until the box was split evenly amongst you. They should have taken one each. It was your present.

It’s pure cheek.

A gift voucher is treated as cash, so you have basically paid for most of their meal, should of not mentioned the voucher at all and when it came to pay put the gift voucher down plus the cash, they obviously saw the gift voucher as free money with no value, but a £100 gift voucher will cost £100 to buy

Sorry another one saying you should have spoken up or, if you considered it less awkward, say you planned to use the voucher on a different occasion. No one else will do this for you I am afraid, you have to learn to politely say no.

They shared your gift... CF's
The discounted rate you got them should have been treat enough.

Can I suggest that even though you told them it was a gift, they may have thought that you wanted to share it with the group? Not voting but it could have been a misunderstanding

I think it would have been nicer to use thr discount another time. It seems a bit wierd getting a personal large discount while others pay normally. However. You are right it was your discount. But I think being in a group may have led to confusion.

OP wasn't getting a personal large discount - she was gladly getting them all a large discount. After which, each couple had their own (heavily discounted) share to pay - which they should have done using their own bank card, their own cash, their own voucher or any combination of those.

They clearly understood that it was OP's present, but they remind me of the kind of CFs who will 'help you to use something up' as if it's a troublesome burden to you, rather than a very nice asset to have.

Nobody would have dreamt for a second of asking the other couples to bring one of their nice Christmas presents to see if the restaurant would take it in part-payment of the bill for the whole group, as that would have been howled down as completely unfair (which it would be); but this is no different with OP's voucher, which was her present.

I'm not saying they should do, but what a lot of people would have done would have been not to mention the discount at all (or maybe claimed it was just 5% off, if pushed, when insisting on handling the transaction on behalf of everybody), then used the 33% off the whole group's meals to score a free meal.
Thus:
Meal costs £450 - £518 including 15% tip
Discount card-holder asks each other couple to give her £173, thus getting in £346.
DCH then uses discount to reduce cost to £300 - £345 including tip.
DCH hands over the money from the other two couples and eats completely free.
DCH could also have used her personal voucher to 'liquidate' the voucher into £50 cash in her purse.
Some ultra CFs would also keep the money intended for a tip and only hand over the £300, thus eating free and making a profit of £46 on the meal, at the expense of the waiting staff.

They don't sound like CF normally, so I think they didn't really take in what was going on and thought you were bringing the cost down for everyone. I wouldn't ask or the money back now, but take this as a valuable lesson learnt. Next time say just a minute, talk with your partner to confirm the discount amount and voucher amount so you have it clear in your mind. Then explain the discount is 33% only, the other part is specifically for you as a couple.

Next time, pause before going along with something that doesn't feel fair.

Should have learned my lesson years ago when DH missed the birth of one DC as I was too polite to tell the midwife that she'd misheard me asking her to phone DH to come in for me talking about the busyness of the ward

Wait, you did what?! Surely that can't be true?

OP "They suggested this restaurant in the group chat, and I said great because my discount would apply and so we booked in mid December for last week."

I would think you were offering the voucher to the group. If not, you'd go without the group?

YANBU

I wouldn’t expect you to have paid for everyone with your voucher after there had already been a discount. I’m surprised no one thought to clarify with you instead of taking the other person’s word who didn’t have the voucher. I would have asked for clarification. Saying that, I agree with another poster why the bill just wasn’t split in three so you all could pay separate bills and you could have used your voucher then.

I think it was totally reasonable to share your discount but the gift voucher should have been yours only.

I imagine in the bill paying confusion is just got jumbled up and your friends didn’t account for the fact that the voucher was yours only.

That was cheeky of them but i think you must not have been clear

I think you should have all calculated who owes why (after your discount) and then used the voucher towards your share.