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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think this restaurant Bill split should have been done differently?

339 replies

2020too · 04/01/2022 19:01

My Mom treated me to a restaurant voucher for Christmas as we tend to buy experiences rather than items.

She deliberately picked this restaurant as is a lovely place and I also get 33% off because of where I work - she saw this as stretching the money further.

We have an annually occuring meet up in the lull between Christmas and NYE with 2 couples from our hobby group non-specified as it might be outing

We meet up with them every few months for a meal and drinks at various places as well as seeing them frequently for hobbying. We rally enjoy their company.

It was one of other couple's pick of venue last week. They suggested this restaurant in the group chat, and I said great because my discount would apply and so we booked in mid December for last week.

As we sat down for the meal, I told my DH to remind me to use the voucher when the bill cane as I'm likely to forget - my menopause isn't serving my brain well . The others commented on what a nice present and then conversation turned to their Christmas presents etc.

Now for the sums

The bill for 3 couples was £450.

My discount brought it diwn to £300.

£345 with the tip.

£115 per couple.

One of the others reminded me about my voucher .

So to me that meant we had £65 to pay.

Someone spoke up and said, okay so that's 345 less the voucher = 295 to pay, let's call it £100 per couple, yeah.

So that's what we did

I bloody know I need to work in my assertiveness kills and I absolutely won't be addressing the issue, as I'm not a boat rocker. I also am aware that I didn't explicitly say that this was just for me and DH, because in no way would I have thought anyone would have thought elsewise.

YANBU: most people wouldn't have included the voucher as a joint contribution?

YABU they were totally reasonable to deduct the voucher off the total bill before dividing into thirds.

Never had any Bill splitting problems before with these, and £35 inequality wouldn't stop me socialising with them again. I'm just a very bit Confused

OP posts:
EmmaH2022 · 04/01/2022 19:52

Sorry, now I'm muddled with discount and voucher

But basically, if you told a group you could get them a discount on a meal, that applies to everyone, otherwise why would you tell them you had a discount or a voucher?!

ifonly4 · 04/01/2022 19:54

Hate to say it, but if it didn't sound fair I'd have tried to explain why and if no one go it, I'd have then said I'd like to keep it for a treat with a member of my family.

Hotyogahotchoc · 04/01/2022 19:54

OP gets a discount which would apply to everyone

But she also got a gift voucher which was her Christmas gift and not intended to be shared

Fireatseaparks · 04/01/2022 19:55

YABU. Don't tell your friends you have a voucher if you're only planning to use it yourself. Very confusing message.

BlusteringBoobies · 04/01/2022 19:56

@EmmaH2022

OP "They suggested this restaurant in the group chat, and I said great because my discount would apply and so we booked in mid December for last week."

I would think you were offering the voucher to the group. If not, you'd go without the group?

Two separate things here

OP has a discount for that restaurant of c30% which she mentioned in the chat and was happy to share

In between booking and attending, she also received a gift voucher from her mum (NOT the discount) for £50.

The friends were told about the gift voucher in conversation at the table and it was made clear this was a gift from her mother for Christmas.

So the friends used a combination of OPs discount (which she was happy to share) and assumed they could all use her Christmas present too (which she didn't intend to share)

The total saved by the OP for the group was £200!! Combination of discount and voucher. That's £66 a couple she has saved them. But rather than letting the Op pay less, they then assumed the OP, on top of her discount and voucher combination would share splitting the rest evenly.

OP, you are not unreasonable BUT you know you should have spoken up!

SenselessUbiquity · 04/01/2022 19:57

I think they were wrong to assume you were paying for them (essentially) but I think it was a bit weird to take the voucher along to that event. I realise I am in the minority here. If it was me, I would only have used the voucher if it had appeared completely unnoticeable.

I think my squeamishness about it is this (this is not logical and I realise no one else thinks so): you are muddling two relationships, that with the person who gave you the present with the people you are out with. There is an air of "efficiency" about it - which is almost as if you are killing two birds with one stone - eating out with one group, while being treated by someone else who isn't there and isn't treating them, feels weird to me.

Like if your mum came to your house with one amazing cupcake as a present for you, and you invited everyone in for a cup of tea and ate it by yourself in front of them. You'd eat it later when they'd gone.

Zilla1 · 04/01/2022 20:03

That sounds perfectly fine, OP, provided you get a third usage of whatever new iphone, car, jewellery, holiday or other present your friends might have received for Christmas from their family membersthat you like the look of.

ChateauMargaux · 04/01/2022 20:03

Your friends are dicks! There is no way that should have done anything other than been very grateful that your discount reduced the cost of their meals by £50!!

I would reply on the group chat.. ‘So whose turn is it to share their Christmas present next week???’

Darbs76 · 04/01/2022 20:04

Sorry I voted wrong! I meant your friends were out of order

SenselessUbiquity · 04/01/2022 20:06

btw I am not one of these cavalier bill-splitters in general and there are people I will never go out with again because they order everything in sight and then split the bill. I don't think you should have paid for their dinner - but I think suggesting the place, and bringing the voucher, and then keeping its value to yourself is ... well, I just wouldn't.

Also presumably the present is to give you the experience - which you would have had anyway if you would have happily gone with those people and just paid?

Eddielzzard · 04/01/2022 20:07

Well I definitely wouldn't have assumed you would use your voucher to subsidise my meal! And then again I think you should have saved the voucher for another time if you didn't want to share it tbh.

hotsouple · 04/01/2022 20:08

Eh OP I would chalk this one up to a misunderstanding about the bill between friends, probably after drinks. Are you hurting for the money? If not, let it go and certainly don't bring it up to anyone, no one likes a miser or to feel like their friends are accusing them of theft over a split bill.

hotsouple · 04/01/2022 20:09

Fully agree with @SenselessUbiquity

HandWash · 04/01/2022 20:09

I wouldn't use a voucher, I was only using for myself, during a group meal. It just makes things messy and a bit awkward.

babybrain77 · 04/01/2022 20:09

Unless they have previous, I would assume a misunderstanding rather than CF. I also think it's poor form to use a voucher at a group meal.

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 04/01/2022 20:10

YABU. Don't tell your friends you have a voucher if you're only planning to use it yourself. Very confusing message.

Not confusing in the least.

OP has access to a 'deal' - 33% off ALL purchases made by her party, that is re-usable time and time again, does not expire and is only limited in its potential value by how much you choose to spend on each occasion. This costs OP nothing to share and so she is happy to do so.

OP also has a voucher which was a personal Christmas present - in place of any number of other options that she could have received as a present instead. This is the equivalent of money in the restaurant - like getting a £50 note out of her purse. Why on earth would she share this - especially when mention of it caused the others to mention presents that they had received themselves, none of which they had the slightest intention of sharing with the others there?

tara66 · 04/01/2022 20:10

I don't think friends understood clearly that voucher was only for you. When bill came you should have said ''I have a Christmas present from ''x'' as a voucher for MY bill'' or something similar.

IHateWasps · 04/01/2022 20:11

I don't think you should have paid for their dinner - but I think suggesting the place, and bringing the voucher, and then keeping its value to yourself is ... well, I just wouldn't.

The couple suggested the place, not the OP.

SenselessUbiquity · 04/01/2022 20:12

If her mother had given her a bottle of cognac, and she had got it out after dinner at home and poured herself a glass and no one else, while talking happily about what a lovely present it was, would that also have been ok because it was HER present?

Bluebluemoon · 04/01/2022 20:12

Your friends are total CF's!

Unless you specifically said you were throwing in your voucher for the group they should never have assumed.

CSJobseeker · 04/01/2022 20:12

YANBU, but the main take home is that you need to work on your assertiveness. It should have been 100% non-controversial for you to spend your gift on yourself.

This is obviously a pattern for you, and you'd benefit from working out how to break it.

SenselessUbiquity · 04/01/2022 20:13

@IHateWasps

I don't think you should have paid for their dinner - but I think suggesting the place, and bringing the voucher, and then keeping its value to yourself is ... well, I just wouldn't.

The couple suggested the place, not the OP.

oh ok sorry
Kitkat151 · 04/01/2022 20:14

Yep they took the piss...but can’t for 1 minute understand why you let it happen? Your poor Mum....she has worked hard to pay for some randomers to enjoy a night out at her expense 🙄

lap90 · 04/01/2022 20:14

Tbh, I wouldn't have used a giftcard in this scenario.

Fireatseaparks · 04/01/2022 20:15

@WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll

YABU. Don't tell your friends you have a voucher if you're only planning to use it yourself. Very confusing message.

Not confusing in the least.

OP has access to a 'deal' - 33% off ALL purchases made by her party, that is re-usable time and time again, does not expire and is only limited in its potential value by how much you choose to spend on each occasion. This costs OP nothing to share and so she is happy to do so.

OP also has a voucher which was a personal Christmas present - in place of any number of other options that she could have received as a present instead. This is the equivalent of money in the restaurant - like getting a £50 note out of her purse. Why on earth would she share this - especially when mention of it caused the others to mention presents that they had received themselves, none of which they had the slightest intention of sharing with the others there?

It's very confusing.

Not for us, who have read about the event from a post explaining the situation from OP's perspective.

For her friends. The OP said, out loud, in front of the group, "Remind me to use my voucher when the bill comes".

Of course that could easily be interpreted as 'for the whole bill'.