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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think this restaurant Bill split should have been done differently?

339 replies

2020too · 04/01/2022 19:01

My Mom treated me to a restaurant voucher for Christmas as we tend to buy experiences rather than items.

She deliberately picked this restaurant as is a lovely place and I also get 33% off because of where I work - she saw this as stretching the money further.

We have an annually occuring meet up in the lull between Christmas and NYE with 2 couples from our hobby group non-specified as it might be outing

We meet up with them every few months for a meal and drinks at various places as well as seeing them frequently for hobbying. We rally enjoy their company.

It was one of other couple's pick of venue last week. They suggested this restaurant in the group chat, and I said great because my discount would apply and so we booked in mid December for last week.

As we sat down for the meal, I told my DH to remind me to use the voucher when the bill cane as I'm likely to forget - my menopause isn't serving my brain well . The others commented on what a nice present and then conversation turned to their Christmas presents etc.

Now for the sums

The bill for 3 couples was £450.

My discount brought it diwn to £300.

£345 with the tip.

£115 per couple.

One of the others reminded me about my voucher .

So to me that meant we had £65 to pay.

Someone spoke up and said, okay so that's 345 less the voucher = 295 to pay, let's call it £100 per couple, yeah.

So that's what we did

I bloody know I need to work in my assertiveness kills and I absolutely won't be addressing the issue, as I'm not a boat rocker. I also am aware that I didn't explicitly say that this was just for me and DH, because in no way would I have thought anyone would have thought elsewise.

YANBU: most people wouldn't have included the voucher as a joint contribution?

YABU they were totally reasonable to deduct the voucher off the total bill before dividing into thirds.

Never had any Bill splitting problems before with these, and £35 inequality wouldn't stop me socialising with them again. I'm just a very bit Confused

OP posts:
Starcaller · 04/01/2022 19:10

Oh yes, sorry, missed that! V weird then!

WorriedGiraffe · 04/01/2022 19:10

YANBU, but maybe they assumed it was a benefit like your discount is and didn’t realise it was a present. You absolutely sound have said something though.

mediumbrownmug · 04/01/2022 19:10

Sorry, Christmas money. Blush

skyeisthelimit · 04/01/2022 19:11

YANBU, but you should have spoken up at the time and said sorry but that was my Christmas present, it's not for everyone to benefit from.

It was a bit cheeky and they were already benefitting from your 33% discount, but maybe there was a misunderstanding on the voucher? If you mentioned that you had a voucher for there in a group chat, they may have thought that you were saying they could share it ?

It would have been best to keep to yourself and just use it when it came time to pay.

sorry that they nicked your present

Tanaqui · 04/01/2022 19:11

If they are normally lovely people I expect they genuinely thought it was a discount type voucher and related to the total cost of the meal- I expect they would be mortified to realise they had misunderstood and used your Christmas present!

Shamoo · 04/01/2022 19:11

I actually think you should get a consensus on this one, because expecting you to use your voucher on this is awful!! YANBU! Im amazed nobody said anything, I think that’s really poor of your friends.

lothermand · 04/01/2022 19:11

I doubt it was intentional, or am I being too generous hereHmm

I hate all that messy money business at the end of s bill, there's always inequality somewhere, but the voucher was definitely yours, not towards their portion of the bill

StrawberrySquash · 04/01/2022 19:13

I think because you didn't pick the restaurant specifically so you could use the voucher, the £50 should have been just against your bill. If you'd gone somewhere you wouldn't all have gone otherwise, just to use your voucher it could have been a bit fuzzier. But if I'd been your friend, I would have paid my full share.

Original poster
2020too · 04/01/2022 19:13

@WhatsitWiggle

That's bloody cheeky. They've already benefitted from your discount, your voucher was a gift for YOU to enjoy. I know you say you need to work on your assertiveness but so does your husband, he could have spoken up as well!
Sadly he'd nipped to the loo at the time, think he'd have been there with an Oi cmon if he'd have witnessed.

All doen to me, I'm afraid - very unwilling to correct/contradict people. Should have learned my lesson years ago when DH missed the birth of one DC as I was too polite to tell the midwife that she'd misheard me asking her to phone DH to come in for me talking about the busyness of the ward 😬

OP posts:
TheLandBeforeRhyme · 04/01/2022 19:13

My vote would depend on whether they knew the voucher was a gift voucher or whether they wrongly assumed it was a generic discount voucher like you pick up in tabloids.

I find it hard to believe 3 other couples are rude enough to expect you to pay with your gift money. Did they know?

nocoolnamesleft · 04/01/2022 19:14

Yep, they're cheeky fuckers.

ShirleyPhallus · 04/01/2022 19:14

Piss takers, but you need to learn to be more assertive!

Would you feel comfortable sending a message to say “hi, in the confusion of bill splitting etc we ended using my gift voucher, which was a present from my mum. I was really happy to use my staff discount for the group but didn’t intend to use my gift voucher for the group as well. Please could you transfer me back £35 (or whatever it is) or happy for you to cover it back at next meal. Sorry for the confusion!”

Bluntness100 · 04/01/2022 19:15

They just assumed you were using it to discount the total Meal. Your group message and comments indicated it. You should have said.

CrimbleCrumble1 · 04/01/2022 19:16

Do you think after a few drinks they got muddled with the discount you get and your voucher?
I think just learn by experience and be more assertive next time and maybe save vouchers for when you are out with just your DH.

KupoNutCoffee · 04/01/2022 19:16

Hmm, I can see how they might have thought you were putting it in the joint pot, and offering your gift (voucher) to share with the whole group. It sounds you like you implied both the voucher and your discount could go against the total bill, not just the discount.

It's a bit shitty, for them to take that assumption, but they did. I'd have said 'no, that's not right, the voucher is just covering me and dh, (I've already saved you 50 quid per couple!)'

In any case, I'd have just used the voucher for a solo trip, not a group outing. Don't know why but it always make people feel weird, like you've avoided paying your share...even when you've legitimately paid the right amount!

Nostrings457 · 04/01/2022 19:16

Oh OP, I feel bad for you that you didn’t speak up and left feeling frustrated. I can understand not being specific about it because I would also think who would think a gift would be spent on friends. Very cheeky of them.

Anotherdayanotherdollar · 04/01/2022 19:17

Your friends were unreasonable to accept your voucher as part of their payment but personally, I wouldn't use a voucher in a group situation. For this reason!

dementedpixie · 04/01/2022 19:17

You shouldn't have used the voucher at a meal that included other people as it turns into the messy situation you just experienced. Next time save your voucher for when it's just the two of you at dinner

BetsyBumble · 04/01/2022 19:18

@waterrat

I think it would have been nicer to use thr discount another time. It seems a bit wierd getting a personal large discount while others pay normally. However. You are right it was your discount. But I think being in a group may have led to confusion.
The OP is referring to a gift voucher, not a discount voucher/coupon - two entirely different things. She had already used her work discount to save everyone 33%. Her gift voucher is essentially cash given to her to spend at that restaurant. The others are clearly CFs
Chloemol · 04/01/2022 19:19

I would have said it’s £115 each, then asked them to take my voucher if my bill

They have already benefited by your discount so i would make it clear this is a present to me and my DH and they won’t be benefiting further

Evilpixie41 · 04/01/2022 19:19

If I was in one of the other cpls attending I would have assumed the voucher was money off of your bill not mine.or the 'group' bill. Super cheeky of them and I would have been very cross!!

NameChangeCity123 · 04/01/2022 19:21

@WouldIBeATwat

It should have come off your share. Not the total bill.
Completely agree
HermioneWeasley · 04/01/2022 19:21

I voted YABU but I didn’t realise it was a voucher you’d be given as a gift, I thought it was just your discount. Now I understand YANBU, but you should have spoken up

Pallisers · 04/01/2022 19:23

All doen to me, I'm afraid - very unwilling to correct/contradict people. Should have learned my lesson years ago when DH missed the birth of one DC as I was too polite to tell the midwife that she'd misheard me asking her to phone DH to come in for me talking about the busyness of the ward 😬

Oh, OP, you really DO need to work on your assertiveness. Start by texting the other couples and say "realised there was some confusion about the bill last night - think everyone - including me! - confused the discount and my gift voucher from my mum for xmas :). I was happy to use the discount for everyone but only meant the voucher to be used for my meal - as it was a xmas gift. I'd hate to tell my mum I gave away her present to me. Can you transfer the balance of x to me. Thanks for great night.

ittakes2 · 04/01/2022 19:23

I think it was just a misunderstanding - a voucher could mean you got a free voucher you clipped out of a magazine offering a percentage off. It was likely not clear you were using a paid for voucher. ie if you go to Pizza Express you can apply for free vouchers online - I bet they thought it was the same thing.

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