AIBU to think this restaurant Bill split should have been done differently?

[2020too]

My Mom treated me to a restaurant voucher for Christmas as we tend to buy experiences rather than items.

She deliberately picked this restaurant as is a lovely place and I also get 33% off because of where I work - she saw this as stretching the money further.

We have an annually occuring meet up in the lull between Christmas and NYE with 2 couples from our hobby group non-specified as it might be outing

We meet up with them every few months for a meal and drinks at various places as well as seeing them frequently for hobbying. We rally enjoy their company.

It was one of other couple's pick of venue last week. They suggested this restaurant in the group chat, and I said great because my discount would apply and so we booked in mid December for last week.

As we sat down for the meal, I told my DH to remind me to use the voucher when the bill cane as I'm likely to forget - my menopause isn't serving my brain well . The others commented on what a nice present and then conversation turned to their Christmas presents etc.

Now for the sums

The bill for 3 couples was £450.

My discount brought it diwn to £300.

£345 with the tip.

£115 per couple.

One of the others reminded me about my voucher .

So to me that meant we had £65 to pay.

Someone spoke up and said, okay so that's 345 less the voucher = 295 to pay, let's call it £100 per couple, yeah.

So that's what we did

I bloody know I need to work in my assertiveness kills and I absolutely won't be addressing the issue, as I'm not a boat rocker. I also am aware that I didn't explicitly say that this was just for me and DH, because in no way would I have thought anyone would have thought elsewise.

YANBU: most people wouldn't have included the voucher as a joint contribution?

YABU they were totally reasonable to deduct the voucher off the total bill before dividing into thirds.

Never had any Bill splitting problems before with these, and £35 inequality wouldn't stop me socialising with them again. I'm just a very bit

Oh OP, you sound so sweet.

I know it's not social etiquette but I would say something.

"Omg guys, I've just sat down with my mum and realised that I spent her Xmas pressie at the meal on everyone rather than me and partner 🤭 don't ever trust me with the maths! Anyway, would it be possible we make up for it at the next meal? My mum's a bit upset 🥴

See you all soon!"

Do you think they did it intentionally or it all just got a bit confusing?

She didn't get an additional discount.
She used a voucher which was a gift. A 50quid gift voucher to be used instead of £50 cash.

If the others had any Christmas cash gifts, would you think it reasonable that they should hand their cash gift over?

I was been moved from the ward to the Labour room and I asked the midwife "have you called Dan?"

She replied "yes it's a lot calmer now, but it normally gets busier as it gets to the middle of the night".

@SquirrelFan

I agree with *@SenselessUbiquity and @givethatbabyaname*. If you bring a voucher to a meal and ask people to remind you about it, it's implying that you're going to share it - and why wouldn't you? Treating your friends is perfectly normal. The cupcake analogy is spot on.

Exactly this.

That's really sad, and quite selfish of the other couples to allow your gifted voucher to be used to pay for their meals. I guess now all that can be done is to have the lesson learnt from it and help you to be more assertive in future situations, which I totally understand is very difficult. I've learnt to become more assertive as I get older, once bitten and all that, a few years ago I wouldn't have said anything, now it would "wait a minute mate"!

Whoever suggested that your voucher be shared by everyone was just mean.

I would be distancing myself somewhat from them in future. Particularly as you were able to give the group at 33% discount.

For her friends. The OP said, out loud, in front of the group, "Remind me to use my voucher when the bill comes".

Of course that could easily be interpreted as 'for the whole bill'.

Ah, yes - I see what you mean, now.

But I still think it was very poor form for the others not to say anything along the lines of "No - it was YOUR Christmas present - it should all come off your share only."

@montysma1

She didn't get an additional discount. She used a voucher which was a gift. A 50quid gift voucher to be used instead of £50 cash.

If the others had any Christmas cash gifts, would you think it reasonable that they should hand their cash gift over?

But OP effectively presented it as if she was offering to do that.

If you're going to use a voucher for your share only, you keep your mouth shut till the bill arrives, then say to the wait staff "here is my payment" and present voucher as part of that. You don't say "ooh, I have a voucher" to everyone unless everyone benefits.

I can't believe how few of us have said YABU!

Also don't understand the birth scenario at all.

I was being moved

You saying "remind me about it" implies it was for everyone. Sorry. It implies you've got money off the bill. Not just your bill.

I think you should use one of the above messages and ask for the money back.

They already had a substantial discount.

I’ve said YABU as you need to use your words. You’re not even into working on your assertiveness territory, just basic communication skills. Your birth story is so sad 😞 . Sorry I don’t mean to be unkind but I’m genuinely worried about what else you’re putting up with in day to day life.

I feel as if the 33 percent off is nice to share with the group. But the voucher was yours.

It sounds like a misunderstanding to me but considering your discount had been applied already to the benefit of the group its a bloody cheeky one.

I think maybe id have suggested that you went somewhere different to start with tbh so could have gone at a different time just with dh

Surely your friends did not know this was a present to you? If they did then there is no way in hell they should have taken 2/3 of your present. Complete cheeky fuckery.

@MeredithGreyishblue

You saying "remind me about it" implies it was for everyone. Sorry. It implies you've got money off the bill. Not just your bill.

Yes I can see how it could have been interpreted as that.

But I said it to DH, and the others overheard but can see how it might not be clear.

I definitely an not asking for any equalling of the split, or letting it affect the friendship - they're all lovely people and great company so it's a bit of a shrug and put down to experience. I just wanted to check my perspective on it, hence the query a week later to the Hive Mind

From your op it sounds as if you were offering the voucher off the total bill. I would not have mentioned the voucher and used it a different night or else just part payment of your own final amount. A mistake on your part from what I've read.

Oh OP, what are we going to do with you eh?

Why can't people read? She didn't announce it to the group, she asked her husband to remind her of her voucher and the others heard it. They were cheeky af. No one in their right mind would think to use that for their own benefit. No one.

You are the sweetest thing OP

I’d have a hard time forgiving the greedy bugger who actually reminded you about YOUR voucher to claim it for the group when it came to bill-settling time, op.

The way I have understood your posts is that the group understood this was a gift from your mum and that it was to your Dh that you asked for a reminder, not the group. Totally unacceptable to lay claim to it under those circumstances. Tbh, even if a friend did offer up a gift towards a meal I’d shared I’d tell them not to be daft unless it was a very small amount.

Really shitty of them IMO, especially the one who piped up. I’d have loved to have asked if the 33% discount wasn’t enough for them! Also feel sorry for your mum whose generous present has now been diluted by being shared around six people.

I personally wouldn’t use a personal voucher at a group meal as I’d want to be seen to be sharing the bill equally, and I’d be worried about this misunderstanding happening.
Don’t beat yourself up too much about the birth of your DC if the nurse didn’t even have time to get her apron on!

If you told them all about the voucher being a gift then they are cheeky.
Not much you can do now I guess, it is annoying.

Obviously they were in the wrong, but so were you! You could so easily have spoken up and said, "Oh, sorry! The voucher was a gift from my mother!" They were already benefitting from your discount, so it was already a good deal, from their perspective.