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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to think this restaurant Bill split should have been done differently?

339 replies

2020too · 04/01/2022 19:01

My Mom treated me to a restaurant voucher for Christmas as we tend to buy experiences rather than items.

She deliberately picked this restaurant as is a lovely place and I also get 33% off because of where I work - she saw this as stretching the money further.

We have an annually occuring meet up in the lull between Christmas and NYE with 2 couples from our hobby group non-specified as it might be outing

We meet up with them every few months for a meal and drinks at various places as well as seeing them frequently for hobbying. We rally enjoy their company.

It was one of other couple's pick of venue last week. They suggested this restaurant in the group chat, and I said great because my discount would apply and so we booked in mid December for last week.

As we sat down for the meal, I told my DH to remind me to use the voucher when the bill cane as I'm likely to forget - my menopause isn't serving my brain well . The others commented on what a nice present and then conversation turned to their Christmas presents etc.

Now for the sums

The bill for 3 couples was £450.

My discount brought it diwn to £300.

£345 with the tip.

£115 per couple.

One of the others reminded me about my voucher .

So to me that meant we had £65 to pay.

Someone spoke up and said, okay so that's 345 less the voucher = 295 to pay, let's call it £100 per couple, yeah.

So that's what we did

I bloody know I need to work in my assertiveness kills and I absolutely won't be addressing the issue, as I'm not a boat rocker. I also am aware that I didn't explicitly say that this was just for me and DH, because in no way would I have thought anyone would have thought elsewise.

YANBU: most people wouldn't have included the voucher as a joint contribution?

YABU they were totally reasonable to deduct the voucher off the total bill before dividing into thirds.

Never had any Bill splitting problems before with these, and £35 inequality wouldn't stop me socialising with them again. I'm just a very bit Confused

OP posts:
WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 06/01/2022 09:09

You can't complain if at the time you knew you were being taken advantage of and did nothing.

Does that apply to all situations in life....?

DrManhattan · 06/01/2022 09:26

Cannot believe you didn't say anything. How do you get through life?

BoredZelda · 06/01/2022 10:27

She mentioned it to her husband only.

Loud enough for others to hear. This could have easily been said privately. Perhaps she was “performance voucher-ing”

What does it matter if one half of a couple disappears at the same time as the bill comes out? Why are you trying to make out he's trying to avoid paying?

It’s not exactly an unusual scenario for someone to always disappear when it comes time to pay. MN is full of CFs who do it.

And in your mind, sharing your £9.99 bottles of wine and some chocolates is the same as what has gone on here where OP is actually now down 50 quid? And what exactly does your daughter lose by sharing her board game?

Riiiight, so only when people have expensive presents they aren’t expected to share them. Why is that? These two bottles of wine retail at around £45 for the pair but I know the person I got them from won’t have paid that as they work in the industry, where does that fit in to your rules for the sharing of Christmas presents.

Who said it was a board game?

The question was whether a person had shared their Christmas presents, as if doing so was unthinkable. But now it seems there a rules and parameters over when people should be expected to share gifts or not.

Forsure69 · 06/01/2022 10:35

Those are shitty friends. You got them 33% off, you also used your vouncher and you still had to pay equally. Now, sud that. I'd make them aware of there shitty "friend" behaviour.

rookiemere · 06/01/2022 10:48

So many people prepared to think the worst of people and write off what appear to be close friends over this issue.

I'll say it again. People that can afford £115 for a meal are unlikely to risk a good friendship for the sake of a £15 bill reduction per couple. It seems much more likely to be an oversight possibly due to alcohol. OP should not have mentioned the voucher, just produced it when paying their share of the bill.

And as for the suggestion that the tip is too big, well words fail me. A 10% tip is standard and if you can't afford that on top of a £100ish meal for two then you should be eating in cheaper restaurants.

Trisolaris · 06/01/2022 11:35

And as for the suggestion that the tip is too big, well words fail me. A 10% tip is standard and if you can't afford that on top of a £100ish meal for two then you should be eating in cheaper restaurants.

Exactly!

Kitkat151 · 06/01/2022 11:59

@Trisolaris

And as for the suggestion that the tip is too big, well words fail me. A 10% tip is standard and if you can't afford that on top of a £100ish meal for two then you should be eating in cheaper restaurants.

Exactly!

Who are YOU to tell people where they should and shouldn’t eat or what they tip?? 🙄 I wouldn’t have paid that much tip either....Too much in my opinion....but I wouldn’t dream of telling people how much they Should be tipping.... you do you and leave the rest of us to do our own thing
MeredithGreyishblue · 06/01/2022 12:07

@boredzelda I love Performance Vouchering! Grin

wineandsprite · 06/01/2022 12:13

@BoredZelda

She mentioned it to her husband only.

Loud enough for others to hear. This could have easily been said privately. Perhaps she was “performance voucher-ing”

What does it matter if one half of a couple disappears at the same time as the bill comes out? Why are you trying to make out he's trying to avoid paying?

It’s not exactly an unusual scenario for someone to always disappear when it comes time to pay. MN is full of CFs who do it.

And in your mind, sharing your £9.99 bottles of wine and some chocolates is the same as what has gone on here where OP is actually now down 50 quid? And what exactly does your daughter lose by sharing her board game?

Riiiight, so only when people have expensive presents they aren’t expected to share them. Why is that? These two bottles of wine retail at around £45 for the pair but I know the person I got them from won’t have paid that as they work in the industry, where does that fit in to your rules for the sharing of Christmas presents.

Who said it was a board game?

The question was whether a person had shared their Christmas presents, as if doing so was unthinkable. But now it seems there a rules and parameters over when people should be expected to share gifts or not.

She mentioned it to her husband when she remembered she had it. There's nothing to say she said it loudly. Someone's ears picked up something they shouldn't have. We've all done it.

It really doesn't matter what your bottles of wine cost. You chose to bring them out and share them, presumably over a meal. Completely normal and completely different to the situation. I'd also rather share a bottle of wine given to me than one I've bought myself as I have very specific tastes. Same goes for chocolates. I was given way too much over Christmas and some of it was great but some of it I won't be eating.

Do you think it matters if it was a board game or a switch game?🧐

The question was aimed at one person who was incredulous at the thought of someone not wanting to share their Christmas gift.

I'm off to decant the chanel perfume my husband bought me in to smaller bottles to share out when I see my friends next week.

Trisolaris · 06/01/2022 12:50

@Kitkat151 😂 This is literally in response to people saying how a tip is too much. . . Your opinion that it is too much is ok but mine that it’s a standard tip and that if it’s too expensive it’s better to choose a different restaurant isn’t? Who are YOU to decide that! 😂

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 06/01/2022 12:52

I don't want to derail - and I know it's been covered on MN before - but I don't see either why a tip is a certain percentage of the amount spent.

How does bringing out a bottle of posh champagne and glasses merit maybe 10 times as much of a service charge/reward than doing exactly the same with a bottle of the house white? Or bringing out a plate of lobster thermidor vs bringing out a plate of mushroom risotto?

Trisolaris · 06/01/2022 13:00

Ah, one of these things

If you choose to share some of your gifts, note some, not all.

Then:
You want to show off what a nice person you are
Your gifts were cheap anyway
You probably didn’t like them much and wanted to get rid of them
You are a doormat
You are insane
You are saying that every gift must be taken out and shared (even though clearly no one has made this argument).

You couldn’t ever just want to share something with your friends.

Enough4me · 06/01/2022 14:47

I thought the 10% tip rate usually means those with more money who select more expensive meals pay the servers more, and those just having a drink or smaller meal pay less. As servers are on low wage the tips benefit their income and act as a thanks for their positive efforts. If they go above and beyond people tip higher than 10%, and if substandard service they are not tipped.

Malibuismysecrethome · 06/01/2022 14:58

Some restaurants use the tips to pay staff wages this is quite common across the industry.
I have said I thought £45 was a large tip as the bill was reduced to £300 by a discount. Also the op
was upset at offsetting the bill by using her voucher.

JimCarreysMask · 06/01/2022 15:23

I tip, but see a tip as a few pound to say thanks to the waiter if they provide a good service. We seem to be adopting the American system now, but the wages system is totally different here, so makes no sense. Servers here get a wage like everyone else. Tips should be a bonus for work done well. Much like a hairdresser, or taxi driver etc.

MeredithGreyishblue · 06/01/2022 15:52

@JimCarreysMask

I tip, but see a tip as a few pound to say thanks to the waiter if they provide a good service. We seem to be adopting the American system now, but the wages system is totally different here, so makes no sense. Servers here get a wage like everyone else. Tips should be a bonus for work done well. Much like a hairdresser, or taxi driver etc.
10% been pretty standard all my adult life and I'm 43
Malibuismysecrethome · 06/01/2022 16:31

Tipping isn’t standard, you don’t tip in Costa or Starbucks or Maccy D’s or the kebab shop all these places serve you and have to pay their staff.
I think a gratuity should be what you can afford and not some set percentage.

Enough4me · 06/01/2022 17:12

Where table service is provided, I thought it was an assumed 10% and have always calculated the cost to include this. I'm mid40s too. I wouldn't tip for takeaway food normally as we collect, but we did on New Year's Eve, as we appreciated our local curry house being open.

KO81 · 06/01/2022 18:10

Should have learned my lesson years ago when DH missed the birth of one DC as I was too polite to tell the midwife that she'd misheard me asking her to phone DH to come in

Oh OP. I’m sorry, but threads like this with utterly wet occupants drive me absolutely up the fucking wall.

Enough4me · 06/01/2022 18:15

@ko81, it is extreme people pleasing 😂

Spidey66 · 06/01/2022 18:23

@Svara

The other couples already benefited from the discount, the voucher was your present and should have been paid towards your share only, YANBU!
This. They already benefited from a very large discount c/o you. The voucher is for you and your husband not the group. You should have spoken up at the time though.
silkience · 06/01/2022 18:29

OP I don't think you're wet, I think you struggle with assertiveness in the moment - you're clearly kicking yourself now! Try to work on this, there is loads of info online, and perhaps at the next meal you can make the point by saying "just in case anybody is wondering, no I don't have another £50 gift voucher to put towards your meals!"

rookiemere · 06/01/2022 18:36

I'm not sure that a passive aggressive jest from OP would help very much at all @silkience it sounds pretty accusatory and tbh if I got that message I'd forward the £15 instantly and never go out with OP again.

But mentioning it and saying "Guys silly me I put the voucher towards to group bill when it was just meant to be for our share, can we even up on our next outing ? " then I'd go oh yes that did seem odd didn't question it at the time , but makes sense.

I try to assume good intentions from friends wherever possible.

Kitkat151 · 06/01/2022 18:43

@Malibuismysecrethome

Some restaurants use the tips to pay staff wages this is quite common across the industry. I have said I thought £45 was a large tip as the bill was reduced to £300 by a discount. Also the op was upset at offsetting the bill by using her voucher.
I’m assuming you are not in the uK?
DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 06/01/2022 20:54

sorry if this has been said before as I've skimmed a bit but read the OP's posts.

I actually think that you should say something on the whatsapp group.. along the lines of
I was really happy to share my 33 % discount with you all to reduce the cost but I'm a bit sad that my mother gave me a £50 voucher specifically to make a visit to that restaurant cheaper for me and DH and this was taken to mean that I should share her Christmas present with everyone, even after I'd shared the discount.

I know this may seem awkward. But I really don't see how they could be offended by that. I would be embarrassed. The cheeky person who suggested this was greedy and so what if they are offended. They have offended you.

Years ago I wouldn't have done this but I'm starting to see that we need to speak up for ourselves and stop saying Oh I should have said something at the time, its too late now. If its a valid point, its a valid point. If they are friends they will understand. You don't sound like a person who is prickly or normally rocks the boat... the friendship should be able to withstand a little bit of assertion from you.
Sorry I know its easier said than done. But they were crappy to do that.