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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to think this restaurant Bill split should have been done differently?

339 replies

2020too · 04/01/2022 19:01

My Mom treated me to a restaurant voucher for Christmas as we tend to buy experiences rather than items.

She deliberately picked this restaurant as is a lovely place and I also get 33% off because of where I work - she saw this as stretching the money further.

We have an annually occuring meet up in the lull between Christmas and NYE with 2 couples from our hobby group non-specified as it might be outing

We meet up with them every few months for a meal and drinks at various places as well as seeing them frequently for hobbying. We rally enjoy their company.

It was one of other couple's pick of venue last week. They suggested this restaurant in the group chat, and I said great because my discount would apply and so we booked in mid December for last week.

As we sat down for the meal, I told my DH to remind me to use the voucher when the bill cane as I'm likely to forget - my menopause isn't serving my brain well . The others commented on what a nice present and then conversation turned to their Christmas presents etc.

Now for the sums

The bill for 3 couples was £450.

My discount brought it diwn to £300.

£345 with the tip.

£115 per couple.

One of the others reminded me about my voucher .

So to me that meant we had £65 to pay.

Someone spoke up and said, okay so that's 345 less the voucher = 295 to pay, let's call it £100 per couple, yeah.

So that's what we did

I bloody know I need to work in my assertiveness kills and I absolutely won't be addressing the issue, as I'm not a boat rocker. I also am aware that I didn't explicitly say that this was just for me and DH, because in no way would I have thought anyone would have thought elsewise.

YANBU: most people wouldn't have included the voucher as a joint contribution?

YABU they were totally reasonable to deduct the voucher off the total bill before dividing into thirds.

Never had any Bill splitting problems before with these, and £35 inequality wouldn't stop me socialising with them again. I'm just a very bit Confused

OP posts:
cushioncovers · 05/01/2022 10:52

For both set of friends to assume you were happy to share the voucher you must of given them that impression even if you didn't realise that's what you were doing.

amicissimma · 05/01/2022 10:54

I can't vote because you have the options the wrong way round.

You were VU to let them use your voucher to cover their shares. It's your money. You just needed to say you were using it instead of cash/card to pay your share. If they had been difficult you could just say you won't use it and just pay with your card like they were this time 'if it's a problem', although I can see that would be less convenient and I don't see why you should be inconvenienced.

My local Tesco only takes cards at the self-service checkouts. Rather than have lists of small transactions on my card bill I buy a gift card and use that if I'm only buying one thing. It's still my money - no one should expect that because it's in that form I would buy their shopping with it.

Teacupsandtrainers · 05/01/2022 10:55

@OnlyAFleshWound

I cannot believe some posters suggesting you message them now and ask for the money back. Fucking hell.
Yes, this is just embarrassing. It would have been fine to say something at the time but to bill them back after the fact is just cringeworthy.
notacooldad · 05/01/2022 10:55

You know if they are normally good friends and play fair. It could be a genuine faux pas or not quite thinking straight rather than taking the piss.
If they are normally CF why would you hang with them. If they are normally ok, let it go and blame yourself for not saying something.

GullyGawk · 05/01/2022 11:01

I can’t believe how passive you are. And you are actually being rude to your mum, for giving away her gift to you.

CSJobseeker · 05/01/2022 11:02

As we sat down for the meal, I told my DH to remind me to use the voucher when the bill cane as I'm likely to forget - my menopause isn't serving my brain well . The others commented on what a nice present and then conversation turned to their Christmas presents etc.

This is probably what cause the misunderstanding.

I don't believe that you would have forgotten to use the voucher - no-one is that forgetful, surely? And even if you had, your DH wouldn't need reminding. You mentioned it to draw attention to your gift.

So you actively brought up the topic of the voucher and had a whole conversation about it with your friends. You may not have meant to, but you made it appear as if you were intending it to be a group thing. And then were too passive to correct the misunderstanding.

If I were your DH or your mum, I'd be thoroughly pissed off with you. Your DH missed his child's birth because you are so passive FGS! I'd find that very hard to forgive.

GullyGawk · 05/01/2022 11:04

Out of curiosity op, would your mum have spoken up in the situations you’ve mentioned, or did you learn your passive behaviour from her (or your dad)?

CSJobseeker · 05/01/2022 11:06

Correcting a mishearing (in the example with the midwife) is surely one of the easiest occasions to speak up? No-one has any cause to get offended or upset, you just say "Sorry, I should probably speak up a bit - I said XXXX"

bingoitsadingo · 05/01/2022 11:39

They suggested this restaurant in the group chat, and I said great because my discount would apply

In this situation I would have assumed the voucher would be shared amongst everyone.

Personally I think it's a bit off to use a voucher just for yourself in a group setting. If you'd been very upfront about it ("my mum gave me this voucher for christmas so I'm going to use that to cover my share of the bill") it would have been ok. But if you just casually mentioned it I would definitely have assumed you meant sharing it.

RedHelenB · 05/01/2022 12:03

@WhatTheWhoTheWhatThe

Oh dear. You should have said “here’s my voucher and I’ll put £65 on my card” made it clear from the off that the voucher was only covering your part.

Personally I wouldn’t have used a voucher during a group meal

This. I think yabu.
sbhydrogen · 05/01/2022 12:12

I can see how annoying that is but YABU for not speaking up. Nobody would give a toss if you said that your voucher was for you only. Or ask your DH to handle everything.

rookiemere · 05/01/2022 12:19

Good friends wouldn't deliberately try and con you for a princely reduction of £15 on a £115 restaurant bill, as let's face it if you can afford one, you can afford the other.

It doesn't sound deliberate at all to me and if you ask about it now it will leave very bad feeling.

Kitkat151 · 05/01/2022 12:31

@Malibuismysecrethome

I just think you share with friends including discounts and vouchers if you have them. Someone could have spoken up but if you had a lovely evening all’s well.
I would be really pissed if I thought I had given my daughter a voucher for a lovely meal, which I had paid for with my hard earned money.....and she had used it to pay for other people’s meals.... I think that is really disrespectful
MeredithGreyishblue · 05/01/2022 12:58

@Kitkat151 I thought about that aspect too. I decided it would depend on the circumstances. So if my giving a gift voucher meant my son could go out for dinner or drinks or whatever with their friends AND THEY ALL couldn't go without the voucher then I'd cheer it on. Say, if they were struggling and their best mate was too.

But if they're all fine for cash then I might be a bit less cheery.

However my overriding thought is that a gift is given and how it's spent isn't mine to choose.

But I'd be a bit Hmm that my offspring were so passive! Because it WAS theirs to choose!

HumourReplacementTherapy · 05/01/2022 13:01

I think the person who shouted up " don't forget your voucher" knew very well that you're a bit of a pushover and did it deliberately to get more money off so s/he paid less.

They knew full well it was your xmas money but that you'd not cause a fuss.

They're good friends? Hmmm well think again, cast your mind back, have they taken advantage of your kind nature before & trampled all over you? Is you mum/dad really domineering or something?
Hindsight is a wonderful thing but I would not have used the voucher at all on this occasion

rookiemere · 05/01/2022 13:09

Do people seriously think someone would jeopardise a friendship for a £15 saving on a £115 bill ?

AllThatFancyPaintsAsFair · 05/01/2022 13:11

@Trisolaris

I’m in the category that if I use vouchers at a group event I would share them with the group else I would feel incredibly rude. If I want to keep it for just me and my partner we would go separately. If I don’t want to share an expensive food treat or bottle of wine, I don’t bring it out at a dinner party.
That sounds incredibly doormat-ish No sane person thinks it's rude not to share a Christmas gift from their mum with other people

Do you find you get taken advantage of?

AllThatFancyPaintsAsFair · 05/01/2022 13:13

@bingoitsadingo

They suggested this restaurant in the group chat, and I said great because my discount would apply

In this situation I would have assumed the voucher would be shared amongst everyone.

Personally I think it's a bit off to use a voucher just for yourself in a group setting. If you'd been very upfront about it ("my mum gave me this voucher for christmas so I'm going to use that to cover my share of the bill") it would have been ok. But if you just casually mentioned it I would definitely have assumed you meant sharing it.

But the voucher and the discount are two different things

It was kind generous enough to allow everyone to benefit from the discount.

Viviennemary · 05/01/2022 13:17

They probably thought it was a discount voucher and not a gift. So I think it was fair as you didn't make it clear rnough,

FortniteBoysMum · 05/01/2022 13:36

They took the piss and they know it. Next time you all go out and you use your discount solely take it off your part of the bill or ask to pay your part separately and use it then. If they question this point out they took a third of your Christmas present. Cheeky fucks.

Sceptre86 · 05/01/2022 13:36

if you wanted to use the voucher on your meal alone you should have gone out separately or made it clear from the start. Yabu, I would have thought you were using it for the group too.

rookiemere · 05/01/2022 13:38

@FortniteBoysMum well that approach will stop the group payment issue as I would never go out with someone again who acted like that.

FortniteBoysMum · 05/01/2022 13:38

As for suggestions they thought it was a discount voucher, just about everyone knows it's unlikely you can use two forms of discount in one transaction it's in terms and conditions on just about every promotional voucher.

Trisolaris · 05/01/2022 13:39

@AllThatFancyPaintsAsFair Nope, I have pretty strong boundaries but I’m also generous with my friends and they are (mostly) with me also. I wouldn’t bring out a voucher or an expensive gift in front of ones who weren’t, I would save it for an occasion when it was just me and dp. I don’t have CF friends and those who are less generous get the same treatment back.

Trisolaris · 05/01/2022 13:44

@AllThatFancyPaintsAsFair

Also, there no need to question my sanity. That’s extremely rude. I don’t expect people to unilaterally share their Christmas presents but equally I think it’s rude to take out a Christmas gift and use it yourself in front of your friends and not share. If you don’t want to share, don’t use it up in front of your friends.

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