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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think this restaurant Bill split should have been done differently?

339 replies

2020too · 04/01/2022 19:01

My Mom treated me to a restaurant voucher for Christmas as we tend to buy experiences rather than items.

She deliberately picked this restaurant as is a lovely place and I also get 33% off because of where I work - she saw this as stretching the money further.

We have an annually occuring meet up in the lull between Christmas and NYE with 2 couples from our hobby group non-specified as it might be outing

We meet up with them every few months for a meal and drinks at various places as well as seeing them frequently for hobbying. We rally enjoy their company.

It was one of other couple's pick of venue last week. They suggested this restaurant in the group chat, and I said great because my discount would apply and so we booked in mid December for last week.

As we sat down for the meal, I told my DH to remind me to use the voucher when the bill cane as I'm likely to forget - my menopause isn't serving my brain well . The others commented on what a nice present and then conversation turned to their Christmas presents etc.

Now for the sums

The bill for 3 couples was £450.

My discount brought it diwn to £300.

£345 with the tip.

£115 per couple.

One of the others reminded me about my voucher .

So to me that meant we had £65 to pay.

Someone spoke up and said, okay so that's 345 less the voucher = 295 to pay, let's call it £100 per couple, yeah.

So that's what we did

I bloody know I need to work in my assertiveness kills and I absolutely won't be addressing the issue, as I'm not a boat rocker. I also am aware that I didn't explicitly say that this was just for me and DH, because in no way would I have thought anyone would have thought elsewise.

YANBU: most people wouldn't have included the voucher as a joint contribution?

YABU they were totally reasonable to deduct the voucher off the total bill before dividing into thirds.

Never had any Bill splitting problems before with these, and £35 inequality wouldn't stop me socialising with them again. I'm just a very bit Confused

OP posts:
purplebunny2012 · 05/01/2022 18:18

@hotsouple

Eh OP I would chalk this one up to a misunderstanding about the bill between friends, probably after drinks. Are you hurting for the money? If not, let it go and certainly don't bring it up to anyone, no one likes a miser or to feel like their friends are accusing them of theft over a split bill.
I'm not sure how it's being a miser to point out a gift was incorrectly split out, TBH
MeredithGreyishblue · 05/01/2022 18:20

Again though, did your husband not speak up either??? Neither of you did?

meganorks · 05/01/2022 18:22

I wouldn't have used the voucher if I wasn't planning to take it off everyone's bill. If you mentioned it in messages when arranging i think it's safe to assume you were going to use it for everyone. If you didn't want to use it you should have kept quiet and used it another time

purplebunny2012 · 05/01/2022 18:24

I actually don't understand why some are saying its bad form to use a voucher at a group dinner. You're paying your part of the bill, and in that scenario some of that is in voucher form is no different to any other form of payment. I would be exactly the same if you'd brought cash you'd got as a gift

StoneofDestiny · 05/01/2022 18:27

Yep they took the piss...but can’t for 1 minute understand why you let it happen? Your poor Mum....she has worked hard to pay for some randomers to enjoy a night out at her expense

Agree with this.
It's like letting people help themselves to the contents of your purse!

purplebunny2012 · 05/01/2022 18:38

@meganorks

I wouldn't have used the voucher if I wasn't planning to take it off everyone's bill. If you mentioned it in messages when arranging i think it's safe to assume you were going to use it for everyone. If you didn't want to use it you should have kept quiet and used it another time
She didn't mention it until they were at the restaurant, and that was just so her DH could remind her to use it
Kate0902900908 · 05/01/2022 18:39

That was you ‘money’ yes it was a voucher but that makes no difference. So basically you paid twice. You paid £50 of your money off the bill then paid you paid another £110. The fact none of them said anything is a bit crazy!

Londoncallingme · 05/01/2022 18:42

YABU not to have spoken up and said ‘no, that’s just off of our bill, it was a Christmas present from my mum’
The one who spoke up probably didn’t process that and was just doing the math with the two discounts.
Your way would have been correct, but you needed to open your mouth and explain.

Payitforward55 · 05/01/2022 18:42

YANBU but you know your friends, if they are the grabby sort that would expect you to pay for their dinner then I wouldn't want to be meeting up with them again. How did they know you had a voucher, it has to have been a misunderstanding mixed up with the 33% discount.

cherish123 · 05/01/2022 18:47

If I was one of the other couples, there's no way, I'd have used your Christmas present.

345÷3=£115 per couple.
Your voucher was £50 so you pay 65.
The others pay £115 each

Boombastic22 · 05/01/2022 18:51

Gosh OP I think YABU.

I’d have thought how lovely to be sharing the voucher with my friends. I’d have thought you were rude if you weren’t sharing it with them.

BorderlineHappy · 05/01/2022 18:52

I think it would depend whether they had form for being cfs.
But i wouldnt have used a voucher in that setting.Makes it awkward as you have found out.

1FootInTheRave · 05/01/2022 18:53

I'd be really annoyed if I was your mum.

She's forked out for your cheapskate mates.

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 05/01/2022 18:58

Probably an unlikely scenario, but it would be very interesting to see what happened if you gave them each a voucher for that place (if you're on giving-Christmas-present terms), then suggested going out there again as a group - offering your discount again.

I'm wondering if they would be quite as quick to whip out their vouchers to take off the whole bill for everybody....

You know your friends, OP, and we obviously don't; but many of the lobster-eating, champagne-drinking insistent bill-splitters get away with it precisely because they know they can shame you into 'paying your way' (and half of theirs too) and/or take advantage of the awkwardness that they know you will feel but to which they are immune.

rookiemere · 05/01/2022 19:04

It might be possible to bring it up on Whatsapp before the next outing.
"Guys realised I made a mistake with the bill last time, the £50 voucher should have just come off my bill, not shared around us all. Maths was never my strong point ! Can we sort it out at the next meal?"

wineandsprite · 05/01/2022 19:18

@Boombastic22

Gosh OP I think YABU.

I’d have thought how lovely to be sharing the voucher with my friends. I’d have thought you were rude if you weren’t sharing it with them.

Are you sharing your Christmas presents with your friends too?
Kitkat151 · 05/01/2022 19:27

@Boombastic22

Gosh OP I think YABU.

I’d have thought how lovely to be sharing the voucher with my friends. I’d have thought you were rude if you weren’t sharing it with them.

I’d have thought how lovely to be.....spending my voucher, which my mother lovingly bought ME with her hard earned money, on MYSELF. Weird that you think that’s rude......like Really weird🙄
CSJobseeker · 05/01/2022 19:27

@Watchamocauli

OP what's done is done however I would text the person who said “ less the voucher from the amount” pointing out the voucher was a gift to your family and not everyone in group. And see what they do.. If they realise the lapse they’ll contribute back to you and if not... Block that CF from your circle
Do not do this. Yes, that person was wrong, but the time to correct them was at the time.

They made an honest mistake or misunderstood, and they did so partly because of you bringing the voucher up in the first place. Castigating them for your own failure to speak up would be really poor form.

Trisolaris · 05/01/2022 19:31

@Kitkat151 it’s weird that you are so obsessed with everyone having to think the same way as you to be honest. . . people do share things with other people, it does happen.

Bunnycat101 · 05/01/2022 19:31

The voucher was yours. They were very rude to put it against the whole bill.

E17Stowmum · 05/01/2022 19:32

If it was being interpreted as generosity, you should have either corrected that notion, or else basked in the glow of their gratitude.

Bertiebiscuit · 05/01/2022 19:36

They stiffed you - do not be friends with these meanies, get new friends who are generous not penny pinching

Hertsgirl10 · 05/01/2022 19:37

You seem like a lovely person, I really hope that they wasn’t taking advantage of you being such a nice person.

I know you said you wouldn’t say anything to them and I get why, but I do think that this is the only way to resolve the issue.

Kitkat151 · 05/01/2022 19:39

[quote Trisolaris]@Kitkat151 it’s weird that you are so obsessed with everyone having to think the same way as you to be honest. . . people do share things with other people, it does happen.[/quote]
😂😂😂 you really are an oddball

Redshell · 05/01/2022 20:09

That’s taking the piss but equally you should have spoken up.

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