Gentle goodbye nudges

[NameChangeCity123]

AIBU to ask for help ....

How can I politely get MiL to go when I would like her to leave my house? This is an ongoing issue and she has been known to stay for 8 hours before and honestly I'm just not doing that anymore.

Not going to get up and put my pjs on or go for a sleep before anyone suggests those, needs to be something firm but not rude as not looking to cause issues for my DH

Have already had the 'baby goes
Down at this time so we need the house
Empty by this time' conversation on two occasions which were completely ignored

TIA

Put the pjs on your baby?

Does she live nearby?
You may need to be blunt. Just go to bed and leave her with DH.

“Right, well, it’s been lovely having you. Thanks for coming.” Go and get her coat.

If you have already had two conversations with her about it and she's ignored you then sadly I don't think a gentle nudge will do any good.

Be clear at the outset - I.e with the invitation ‘Come round for lunch. we need that house back for 3pm’ etc.

If this doesn’t work, you will need DH to have a frank chat about timetables for young DC and when she needs to be gone by. If you frame it as about the DC she is likely to value it more than if you frame it as about DIL.

Why hasn’t DH already handled this?

If youve given her a time when guests need to be gone, then when it gets to that time just say something along the lines of

'well its been nice seeing you, lots to do now for us so best to call it a night tonight, we'll see you next week at x'

Then follow with chatter about good luck at x event you have planned, or have fun at the bingo etc etc, while getting her coat.

If any resistance, you can feign surprise that its even an issue, because surely she remembers what you said previously about baby bed time.

All can be done with a big smile and lots of politeness, so nothing that she can accuse you of causing an issue about it

@CloseYourEyesAndSee

Does she live nearby? You may need to be blunt. Just go to bed and leave her with DH.

Yeah she is 10 mins away and sees us often which is why it's annoying. I could Understand if she was travelling in especially but she is just down the road. She just sits and sits and ignores all my hints. Last time I turned the lights down and said the baby would be needing to go to sleep- nothing. Put his PJs on. Still nothing. It was after 9pm she left which is far too late for a house with a new baby in it, IMO

@Haus1234

Put the pjs on your baby?

Done this last time and it made no difference, still she sat

@PartyPlan

“Right, well, it’s been lovely having you. Thanks for coming.” Go and get her coat.

I've done this before and DH said it was rude (which it is) but so is sitting in someone's home for that long- you've taken their whole day up!

If it's in the day time, put your coats on and leave or get in the car and go out. If it's evening just go to bed with the baby and don't emerge until DH tells you she has gone.
Why hadn't DH told her already?

DH says it's rude?! You've got a DH problem not a MIL problem! (Well actually you've got both)

Invite her round for a specific time ie 'Would love to have you before we go out in the afternoon'

What does your OH do or say? Think you should leave him to deal with her, say goodnight and go and have a bath

I don’t see why putting pjs on a baby or saying it’s baby’s bedtime would help. If anything, it might encourage her to stay longer- baby’s off to sleep, now time for a bit of adult company, etc.

@RightOnTheEdge

If you have already had two conversations with her about it and she's ignored you then sadly I don't think a gentle nudge will do any good.

I fear you're right. To be fair, DH backed me when I told her this last time. I text her and said thanks for coming etc but can we maybe have everything wrapped up for x time next time as we have baby in a routine which is very important to us' she then phoned DH crying and asking him what my problem was etc which I think is pure manipulation. DH is keen for us to get on, understandably, and has invited her tomorrow 🙄

I'd just say, with a smile 'right, we need to get the baby off to bed so we'll say goodnight/goodbye now, it'll been lovely seeing you'. Then get up, get her coat and walk towards the door.

Sit with her and chat for an hour or so, after that just get on with what you need to do.

“Right, well, it’s been lovely having you. Thanks for coming.” Go and get her coat.

That's the only thing that will work, it's not rude, and you have a DH problem.

@PersonaNonGarter

Be clear at the outset - I.e with the invitation ‘Come round for lunch. we need that house back for 3pm’ etc.

If this doesn’t work, you will need DH to have a frank chat about timetables for young DC and when she needs to be gone by. If you frame it as about the DC she is likely to value it more than if you frame it as about DIL.

That's a good point. I think you're right there. Thanks

1. Your DH should have handled this already, yiu have a DH problem. Sod not causing him problems, kick his arse to sort his mother out

1. Broaching it twice already without any notice taken by MIL sats she knows, doesn't give a shit as her precious boy will back her anyway... back to point one.

There is no softly softly for this to be effective coming from you & firm will put her nose out of joint. It's also DHs problem to sort out & PDQ as this massively overstepping shit doesn't get better as your DCs age, it will get worse & needs sorting out now.

Sit DH down, tell him he sorts his mother out, or you will & as she isn't listening to polite requests from you, it's going to have to be all out war for her to listen to you. So it's his choice how it pans out, WW3 with the important women in his life, or he gets off his backside & stands up for you

@Dozer

Why hasn’t DH already handled this?

He backed me up last time when she was crying about me saying that we needed to be done by a certain time 🙄 he's keen to smooth things over which I can understand

To be honest I just be blunt with her and say it’s time for her to go now. Otherwise just take the baby to bed and stay upstairs and leave your husband to entertain her on his own.

You have a DH problem. He’s the one who needs to be sorting this.

@ChatterMonkey

If youve given her a time when guests need to be gone, then when it gets to that time just say something along the lines of

'well its been nice seeing you, lots to do now for us so best to call it a night tonight, we'll see you next week at x'

Then follow with chatter about good luck at x event you have planned, or have fun at the bingo etc etc, while getting her coat.

If any resistance, you can feign surprise that its even an issue, because surely she remembers what you said previously about baby bed time.

All can be done with a big smile and lots of politeness, so nothing that she can accuse you of causing an issue about it

I think this is what I'll do. Trying to avoid a fall out with DH over it but I can already picture her just sitting there with no plans to move, hopefully I'm wrong and she's got the message this time