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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to complain to brownies leader

249 replies

Mummytoonlychild · 03/01/2022 14:28

My daughter is back to brownies next week and I've just been informed that she is not allowed to have a drink or go the toilet when she is there. It's a 90 mins session aibu to say she's a child and should be able to drink her own drink or go the loo when she needs to or am I being ott

OP posts:
Hm2020 · 03/01/2022 14:29

That’s disgusting please complain water and using the toilets and human rights.

RoseAndRose · 03/01/2022 14:29

Not having a drink for 90mins is entirely reasinabke.

But there should be access to loos

NannyR · 03/01/2022 14:30

Not being able to go to the loo is wrong, but I don't think there's anything wrong with expecting a child to go 90 minutes without a drink (medical reasons excepted).

UndertheCedartree · 03/01/2022 14:31

She should definitely be able to have a drink and go to the toilet. What reason are they giving? At my DD's Brownies they have a break half way through and have a drink.

Stevenage689 · 03/01/2022 14:32

I would question why. Not complain as you don't know why yet.

helpfulperson · 03/01/2022 14:32

Are the meetings outdoors? We've been holding meetings outdoors due to covid so there is no access to water or toilets. The occasional desperate child goes in the bushes but we discourage this due to supervision problems. It's worked well for us.

girlmom21 · 03/01/2022 14:32

Brownies is supposed to be fun...
someone's clearly taking their 'leader' position far too seriously.

Lipsandlashes · 03/01/2022 14:33

Genuinely why?

pastypirate · 03/01/2022 14:37

What a load of rubbish. Are you sure they don't just mean you have to send a water bottle? Dd2 brownie unit have asked us to send drinks just now. In the summer they could only use the garden of the church hall and not go inside.

I think asking 7 year olds to cross their legs is unrealistic.

Vapeyvapevape · 03/01/2022 14:37

I’d need to know why first- lack of supervision, getting up to mischief in the loo ?

SoupDragon · 03/01/2022 14:37

I don't think 90 minutes without a drink is a problem at all and not going to the toilet shouldn't be if she's gone before (medical reasons notwithstanding). Toilets should be available though as when you've got to go, you need one!

Flev · 03/01/2022 14:37

I suspect that the leader is currently grappling with her risk assessment and trying to produce something that will allow the unit to keep meeting face to face. By all means ask why, but please do so kindly rather than going in all guns blazing (ex brownie leader here, I gave up during covid mostly due to the impossibility of following requirements and keeping parents happy)

rrhuth · 03/01/2022 14:38

I would ask why, and if the answer comes back something stupid or annoying, escalate it up to the wider organisation.

girlmom21 · 03/01/2022 14:39

@Vapeyvapevape

I’d need to know why first- lack of supervision, getting up to mischief in the loo ?
Oh I assumed something covid related - like the toilets not being cleared regularly enough
Hankunamatata · 03/01/2022 14:40

Not having a drink for 90mins is fine. Toilet thing is a bit weird

modgepodge · 03/01/2022 14:40

I can only imagine its because there aren’t any toilets for whatever reason (outdoor meetings as above, building renovations or similar) rather than there being toilets and the leaders deciding no one can use them. Or maybe the toilets are in a different building so supervising the group is tricky if some are being taken to the loo. Then no drinking is a follow on from that, to minimise the chances of needing the loo.

I don’t think it’s entirely unreasonable to expect 7-10 year olds to go 90 mins without the loo or a drink. I’ve done school trips with kids that age with a longer coach journey than that so no access to loos.

Brownies is a very cheap activity run by volunteers, usually with a long waiting list. Please don’t be dealt difficult to the leader.

hangrylady · 03/01/2022 14:41

When I was a brownie leader we would encourage the girls to go to the loo before the session started otherwise there would be a lot of interruptions throughout the session and groups of them messing around in the toilets. I would never have refused anyone who needed the loo mid session though. As for drinks we would as them to leave water bottles on the table and have a drink after each activity. I think this leader is being too strict but on the other hand, dealing with 30 7-10 year old girls constantly pissing about is difficult. She's a volunteer, not paid childcare, so cut her some slack and question it before making complaints or you might find yourself with no Brownie leader. Heaven forbid you might need to step up yourself to volunteer!

Angel2702 · 03/01/2022 14:49

Ours at rainbows were told to go to loo beforehand as toilets were not close to the main hall and not enough supervision to be taking them back and forth for a short sessions

Scouts and cubs have been outside for a long time so are asked to go before they come as they aren't close to go back to the hall.

Burnername101 · 03/01/2022 14:50

Hollow laugh as an ex assistant leader.

My experience (pe covid) went as follows

20 girls, small church hall. 4 adults. One hour to run an activity and clean up.

One girl gets thirsty, we bring her a drink. They all want one, much squabbling over cup colour, spilling of drinks onto crafts, each other. Etc. mass exodus to bogs, needing 2 supervisors (as per safeguarding

Try to do that, clear up spills sort washing up and the activity

Ok

Next time.. same thirsty child.

Allow her to have a quick drink in the kitchen. Still needs 2 Leaders (safeguarding).
She lets slip to the others she’s had a drink. They all want one. Now it’s a revolving door, all wanting a drink. But we can’t supervise kitchen and bogs and the activity this time.

Ok

Next time. Please bring a water bottle. Some thirst Little darlings bring litre bottles chug the dammed lot, need a wee, loose the bottles. ‘Borrow‘ a friends because it looks nicer. Spill them…. Turns out it’s bloody ribena. Grumpy parents because Amanda lost her new bottle, Ella’s uniform now has ribena on it, so does Suzanne’s shoes.

Sigh

Im doing this for free. In my own time. Except I gave up. Guess why.

hangrylady · 03/01/2022 14:54

@Burnername101

Hollow laugh as an ex assistant leader.

My experience (pe covid) went as follows

20 girls, small church hall. 4 adults. One hour to run an activity and clean up.

One girl gets thirsty, we bring her a drink. They all want one, much squabbling over cup colour, spilling of drinks onto crafts, each other. Etc. mass exodus to bogs, needing 2 supervisors (as per safeguarding

Try to do that, clear up spills sort washing up and the activity

Ok

Next time.. same thirsty child.

Allow her to have a quick drink in the kitchen. Still needs 2 Leaders (safeguarding).
She lets slip to the others she’s had a drink. They all want one. Now it’s a revolving door, all wanting a drink. But we can’t supervise kitchen and bogs and the activity this time.

Ok

Next time. Please bring a water bottle. Some thirst Little darlings bring litre bottles chug the dammed lot, need a wee, loose the bottles. ‘Borrow‘ a friends because it looks nicer. Spill them…. Turns out it’s bloody ribena. Grumpy parents because Amanda lost her new bottle, Ella’s uniform now has ribena on it, so does Suzanne’s shoes.

Sigh

Im doing this for free. In my own time. Except I gave up. Guess why.

I hear ya! Never again will I volunteer with children
CHEM20 · 03/01/2022 14:57

No toilet will be COVID related; presumably because they need to be cleaned more (our scout group took a trip to an entertainment venue, toilets had to be cleaned before each use)

No drinks - presumably in support of the above.

Ask. Don’t complain.

Original poster
Mummytoonlychild · 03/01/2022 14:59

Water isn't as much of a issue. It's the toilet that upsetting me they have claimed covid they have toilets but they can wash there hands in them. It's in a church She's a pain in the bum for needing a wee when she can't have one

OP posts:
nitsandwormsdodger · 03/01/2022 15:02

Ask kindly first
She is a volunteer

MrsFionaCharming · 03/01/2022 15:03

The church we meet in has told us we have to fully disinfect any room we use. So we’ve asked our girls to go to the loo at home before they come, and we’re not offering drinks. I signed up to run activities for an hour and a half, not to then spend an hour fully bleaching the toilets and kitchen.

Maybe you should consider volunteering to clean the loos at the end of your daughter won’t otherwise cope?

TheNoneNormalTwin · 03/01/2022 15:07

My DD does rainbows and we have to provide our own drinks now, they used to provide them but since covid don't.

There's no toilets in the building they use though so most girls don't take a drink. They used to use the toilets in the leisure centre next door but they've said no due to covid cleaning (Leaders told us this).

Could it be like that?