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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to complain to brownies leader

249 replies

Mummytoonlychild · 03/01/2022 14:28

My daughter is back to brownies next week and I've just been informed that she is not allowed to have a drink or go the toilet when she is there. It's a 90 mins session aibu to say she's a child and should be able to drink her own drink or go the loo when she needs to or am I being ott

OP posts:
3totheright4totheleft · 03/01/2022 16:46

No drinks - no problem. But then I grew up in a time when people didn't lug water bottles around all the time. No toilet though would put me right off. The thing is, it isn't just 90 mins is it? When DD did Brownies it was a 20 min walk there and back.

Christmascardsontheshelf · 03/01/2022 16:48

I don't know, when I was a child I wasn't allowed a drink except from lunch time at 1/2pm at school and was there from 9am until 3:30pm. That was only late 90s early 2000s.

Doodar · 03/01/2022 16:48

@iklboo

That’s disgusting please complain water and using the toilets and human rights.

It's Brownies for 90 minutes not Guantanamo.

love it. Just don't send her, I'm sure there's plenty wanting a place. So bloody precious. Get her to go before she starts.
GuidingSpirit · 03/01/2022 16:49

So many rude posters on this thread. I'm a brownie and rainbow leader - thank goodness the parents in my group are more reasonable than those on this thread. Talk of human rights or that they cant possibly understand the reason for the position. Really?!?! Hmm

The organisation we hire our venue from insists that toilets are cleaned between girls as part of their covid risk assessment. This would mean having a volunteer constantly disinfecting the toilet. Most weeks, i only have 3 volunteers (plus me), which would leave 3 to supervise 25 brownies and 10 rainbows. It's just not feasible. We have said we will prioritise the toilet for emergencies or girls with medical needs but we ask that girls dont bring water bottles and drink all session to avoid loads of going to and from the toilet. Of course we arent going to stop a girl having a drink or going to the toilet if desperate, but most can manage the time at the meeting plus 10/15mins there and back.

@Mummytoonlychild please have a polite conversation with the leader. No need to complain. If your DD needs a reasonable adjustment, I'm sure she will be happy to put one into place. But if she can manage without, i would be encouraging her to do so.

NellieBertram · 03/01/2022 16:50

It's always complainers who are far too busy to help out Grin

hangrylady · 03/01/2022 16:50

"What a load of bloody drama. It sounds like you needed more control over the situation". LOL, you clearly have no understanding of how much little girls LOVE drama .

zingally · 03/01/2022 16:51

Brownies and the like are run by volunteers. Please don't make life hard for them.

I don't think it's unreasonable for a 7-10 year old to manage 90 mins without a drink/wee.

hangrylady · 03/01/2022 16:52

@NellieBertram

It's always complainers who are far too busy to help out Grin
Yep. They are far too busy to help. Oh wait, I have 2 jobs and was still a volunteer.
drspouse · 03/01/2022 16:54

My DCs are at Cubs and Beavers. No cleaning of toilets by leaders. No evidence anyone can catch COVID from a loo someone used yesterday. Church/hall owner are being jobsworth.

riiichteabiiscuit · 03/01/2022 16:57

@hangrylady

"What a load of bloody drama. It sounds like you needed more control over the situation". LOL, you clearly have no understanding of how much little girls LOVE drama .
I do, I have volunteered in schools, and groups, but I found all it took was firm boundaries and designated times for a quick drink and no more than one in the loo. Anybody pushing their luck would be reminded.

Kids splashing juice all over the show, swapping cups, all going in the toilets together , I wouldn't allow that.

RoyalFamilyFan · 03/01/2022 16:58

@NellieBertram

It's always complainers who are far too busy to help out Grin
Yes they are always keen to tell you how if you only give even more time, you can make things better for their child.
tiredanddangerous · 03/01/2022 16:58

As a leader in girlguiding I can tell you that the extra cleaning is a complete ball ache. We have to clean the toilets before the meeting starts, then again at the end. As well as disinfecting all the chairs and tables we have used and mopping the floor. I can completely understand why some leaders would decide to stop use of the toilets to be fair. It's also possible that it comes from the church not the leaders.

RoyalFamilyFan · 03/01/2022 17:00

@riiichteabiiscuit you have volunteered in schools and playgroups.
Kids activities in churches and community halls often have rules laid down by the venue. And because they go for the cheapest insurance they are often quite strict with hirers. I have had rules including only water to drink, no juice at all because they don't want any spills on the floor.

IHateCoronavirus · 03/01/2022 17:02

Who drops dd off? Would they be willing to help out?
The logistics and ratios are most likely the problem here, one drink needing/wee producing child throws an already stretched system out of whack.
No point comparing it to years also as health and safety requirements are completely different now.

AnneElliott · 03/01/2022 17:02

She should be able to bring her own drink in a bottle. I'm a beaver leader and we don't give them drinks from our cups now since covid. But they all bring their own.

And yes she should be able to use the toilet but you must get her to go before she comes. There's nothing more annoying than beavers who just get dropped off but are apparently desperate to use the loo!! It disrupts the start of the session.

Adirondack · 03/01/2022 17:04

I used to help run brownies. Got totally fed up of parents complaining but never offering to lift a finger when we asked (begged!) for extra volunteers. If you don’t like how your child’s brownie/guide/scout whatever pack is being run, remember the leaders are using their own free time to look after your little darlings, and get your finger out and help out. Regularly.

Tigertigertigertiger · 03/01/2022 17:06

90 minutes without drinking or peeing is absolutely fine , barring a medical condition.

Burnername101 · 03/01/2022 17:34

@hangrylady

"What a load of bloody drama. It sounds like you needed more control over the situation". LOL, you clearly have no understanding of how much little girls LOVE drama .
Couldn’t have put it better myself. See also drama loving parents.

It was the sheer excitement of traipsing to the kitchen and the loo. God knows why. But they loved it.

And YES, I absolutely could have managed the situation better. Just like at the Football. But I’d have needed more adults and not being in a crummy church hall with one loo, miles down a corridor from where we had the activities and taps none of the littlies could turn on or off by themselves (see also pull chain cisterns)

No one would volunteer to help. Couldn’t get parents to turn up on time to collect their own damn kids, let alone come and help once a term.

We tried moving to a better venue but the cost difference between nice modern community centre and crummy church hall was astronomical and put the subs out of reach for about half the membership (rural area so it was that or nothing)

I quit. It folded a few months later.

arethereanyleftatall · 03/01/2022 17:37

@Mummytoonlychild

I gather I'm being unreasonable unfortunately I don't do drop offs or pick ups as I'm in work but I were able to I would love to volunteer and help out.
Awesome, they'd love that you would love to volunteer. As you can't do the times that she's in brownies, you'd be able to do the admin as that's in a time to suit you. You can respond to all the parents querying this particular rule for instance. In your own time of course for free. But, it's win win, as youve said you'ld love to help if you could.
Burnername101 · 03/01/2022 17:38

And yes, to agree with a PP. Both venues had a massive list of arcane rules about what you could and couldn’t allow. Who could go where and with who. Some I am sure were insurance based, and some were frankly just nuts.

Added to all the safeguarding stuff, and girl guiding rules. It was impossible.

vintage21 · 03/01/2022 17:42

trouble is the rules now using facilities have changed since covid. however Brownies are often busy and active so having a drink would be essential and with girls that young you can never be sure of bladder and bowel movements!

RoyalFamilyFan · 03/01/2022 17:43

And frankly these are volunteers. Some will be good at managing and controlling a group of girls wanting drinks, spills, messing about in toilets. Some will be less skilled at it.
But if your solution is simply to say the volunteers should be more skilled, rather than running it in a way they can manage, they will probably just walk.

falalalalalalablahblah · 03/01/2022 17:44

@Burnername101 kids are kids. I get you not volunteering anymore, your choice, but this is kids the world over!

RoyalFamilyFan · 03/01/2022 17:45

@Burnername101

And yes, to agree with a PP. Both venues had a massive list of arcane rules about what you could and couldn’t allow. Who could go where and with who. Some I am sure were insurance based, and some were frankly just nuts.

Added to all the safeguarding stuff, and girl guiding rules. It was impossible.

This was my experience. Modern halls far too expensive, the arcane church hall with rules I thought were nuts was cheap as chips. I gave up after too many complaining parents and the group folded. I volunteered for years. It used to be different. Now wild horses would not drag me back.
bestbefore · 03/01/2022 17:45

There's no extra guidance in place for hall hires of community venues now...

www.gov.uk/government/publications/covid-19-guidance-for-the-safe-use-of-multi-purpose-community-facilities/covid-19-guidance-for-the-safe-use-of-multi-purpose-community-facilities

  • this was all withdrawn in July. So any extra cleaning is just halls being OTT or not updating their guidance.
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