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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sil & friend hasn't met our baby yet

165 replies

Hopingformydb · 03/01/2022 10:03

AIBU that I dont want to bother with my hubby's sis and as well my friend who was supposed to be my very close friend.
My baby is 11 weeks old tomorrow. And my husband sis has not met him (said she's been busy) but she's been to see her friends baby 5 days after my baby was born. Seen as though she hasn't been round to see him I gave her sons Xmas presents to my mil 5 days before Xmas to drop off as she looks after her son. That is the first time shes messaged me since my baby was born in Oct to say thanks for presents. When I message back and said just give my kids presents to your mum so you don't have to see my baby that's when she said i been busy blahblah. ( she lives round the corner) why get him a present if you're not going to meet him? Or maybe she feels bad if she gets my daughter (10) one and not baby. So now they think im the one stopping her from meeting him.
And as for my Friend she was fine throughout my pregnancy didn't detect an issue, although she was jealous when I told her but she got over it I thought. She's not been round to wish me a happy 30th birthday 2 weeks before I had baby. She hadnt got me a card presents for baby or met him. When I asked her she said her fellas been working late and that visiting a baby is a joint thing... I dont even like her fella. So I don't get her problem. And before anyone asks yes she has kids of her own 15 & 21 but been wanting a baby with this fella who hasn't got kids. Even if you are jealous its pathetic at her age. So now I've just been blanking her when she message me occasionally never asking about baby though. AIBU or is it them???

OP posts:
TheYearOfSmallThings · 03/01/2022 10:08

Stop picking fights and blanking people! Before you alienate everyone!

LeSquigh · 03/01/2022 10:10

No one else really gives a shit about your baby like you. It’s not her priority and that is quite reasonable.

Original poster
Hopingformydb · 03/01/2022 10:14

@Theyearofsmallthings
Dont get how im picking fights? By other people not visiting my baby Blanking yes as I treat others how they treat me. And as for alienating everyone its 2 people who aren't interested in being part of my life. So its not really everyone is it? I do have other family/friends

OP posts:
chineybumps · 03/01/2022 10:15

My DD is 8 months old today but I remember having similar feelings when she was younger. I'd be like 'oh this person still hasn't seen my baby yet,' 'this person hasn't sent any gifts etc.' However as she got older I realised people really have their own shit going on in their own lives. You might think 'well they've been to see so and so's baby so why haven't they seen mine' but you really don't know the circumstances. You don't know how long SIL was putting it off to visit her friends baby until she finally got there.

All I'll say is, our babies aren't as important to other people as important they are to us. However that doesn't mean they don't care about them or have no intention to come and see them. When my friend had her son, I saw him when he was two weeks old and made an effort to try and visit her every two weeks for years. That same friend still hasn't seen my daughter who is 8 months. Sometimes you can't take these things to heart🤷‍♀️ just let them know they're welcome whenever and forget about it

Arren12 · 03/01/2022 10:15

People have lives to live and as sweet as your baby is you will struggle to see that he is just a baby and not top priority for other people.

My friend had a baby weeks ago (we have not met him due to covid) but she sends loads of pictures everyday. While I agree he's cute and I'm so happy for her, I don't think she realizes he's not the be all and end all to everyone else. I forgive her as most new mums are like this.

If your sil or friend have partners and children they probably are just busy. Its been the busiest time of year.

VainAbigail · 03/01/2022 10:15

I get that you’re frustrated, but the way you’re coming across in this post is extremely childish.

Thevalley · 03/01/2022 10:16

Baby's are boring.

Needdoughnuts · 03/01/2022 10:16

Honestly, is your dh bothered about his sister not seeing his baby? And if he is then why have you all not visited her instead? Why are presents exchanged through mil?

Original poster
Hopingformydb · 03/01/2022 10:17

@lesquigh so an auntie not meeting a nephew isn't a good reason to give a shit a baby? When all other in laws have? I get not everyone is interested but I think a relative should be and also a close friend its not like it's been a week it's 11 weeks these people live 5 mins away. Especially when I have done so much for them in the past.

OP posts:
Aprilx · 03/01/2022 10:18

[quote Hopingformydb]@Theyearofsmallthings
Dont get how im picking fights? By other people not visiting my baby Blanking yes as I treat others how they treat me. And as for alienating everyone its 2 people who aren't interested in being part of my life. So its not really everyone is it? I do have other family/friends[/quote]
Are you seriously saying you don’t see how that aggressive text message was not picking fights? It was unbelievably rude.

Leave your husband to take the lead on his relationship with his sister, you sound like an absolute nightmare. The world doesn’t revolve around you.

Echobelly · 03/01/2022 10:18

Hardly any of my mates met my kids in their first year.

I think you're reading too much into things TBH, people are generally rubbish about seeing one another and especially at the moment a lot of people are spreading out seeing people a bit rather than seeing lots of one another.

Nathlash · 03/01/2022 10:18

Are you this ready to pick a fight with everyone in your life?

grapewine · 03/01/2022 10:19

Your language is so confrontational. Chill and enjoy your baby and let other people make choices for how to spend their time. Your baby won't matter that much to them, it's just how it is.

EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall · 03/01/2022 10:22

It's been 11 weeks yanbu . Doesn't matter if you think babies are boring 🙄 there's no excuse for not nipping in and meeting your nephew . Or a good friends new baby either

PinkWaferBiscuit · 03/01/2022 10:22

You sound way too confrontational. Honestly it really isn't important in tge grand scheme of thing and your child won't give a crap if her aunt met her at 1 day old or1 year old.

People have their own lives and blanking their messages because they didn't act exactly the way you wanted them to is very immature behaviour.

WorriedGiraffe · 03/01/2022 10:22

If you are blanking her then you arnt giving her chance to ask about the baby or come visit are you? Struggling with wanting a baby is not pathetic at any age, if it’s something she’s struggling with and you are saying she’s pathetic for it then maybe that’s why she doesn’t want to visit, you don’t exactly sound like close friends! It’s rubbish that some friendships fall apart after kids so I get your frustration, you are as bad as her though for blanking her and sulking rather than trying to work it out.

SmolCat · 03/01/2022 10:23

You’re not coming across very well honestly OP. I can sort of see why people aren’t rushing to visit.

I can imagine feeling the similarly to you. But the thing you need to remember is; your own children are not that interesting to other people. Maybe SIL just isn’t that bothered. Is this length of time without a visit out of character? How regularly did you see her before the baby arrived?

If your friend is struggling with her feelings of wanting a baby then that’s a whole other ball game. She might be doing her best at the moment and if you’re really her friend then you should probably try to recognise that rather than be nasty and call her pathetic.

girlmom21 · 03/01/2022 10:24

My DB met my 15 week old baby a few days before Christmas. My step brother hasn't seen my 2 year old since she was 2 weeks old.

Life happens. That's not a reason to cut them off.

JourneyToThePlacentaOfTheEarth · 03/01/2022 10:24

What does your dh think about his sister's lack of interest? Has he spoken to her about it?

maddy68 · 03/01/2022 10:25

Wow you seem high maintenance. The reality of the situation is they are busy and your baby is not a major priority for them. You are now pushing them away so they are less likely to visit.

Relax

Treecreature · 03/01/2022 10:26

Come on, it's not rocket science. They're not interested in your baby and you're a low priority to them. Don't give it too much headspace. Invest in people who invest in you, take a small step back from those who dont.

MotherOfDragons27 · 03/01/2022 10:27

You sound very high maintenance. Maybe it's you they don't want to see, not the baby.

Ovenaffray · 03/01/2022 10:28

You do sound rather high conflict. Leave your SIL to your DH and let him sort visits and presents.

Some people aren’t interested in babies and it’s been Christmas.

Congratulations on your baby.

Jooox · 03/01/2022 10:28

People are allowed not to care about your baby.

zingally · 03/01/2022 10:29

As sweet and world-changing as your baby is TO YOU, it simply isn't that to other people. Everyone else has their own busy lives to lead, and while your world (rightly!) is revolving around baby at the moment, you simply can't expect others to feel the same.

Personally, I'm a big fan in asking for what you need. If you would like sis in law and friend to visit with the baby, then ASK them!
"Hi Jane/Lucy, I'd love to see you soon! And introduce you to little Fred of course! Are you free to pop round for an hour or two next Saturday? Love, OP."

Stop expecting people to be mind readers for what you want. Use your words.

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