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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sil & friend hasn't met our baby yet

165 replies

Hopingformydb · 03/01/2022 10:03

AIBU that I dont want to bother with my hubby's sis and as well my friend who was supposed to be my very close friend.
My baby is 11 weeks old tomorrow. And my husband sis has not met him (said she's been busy) but she's been to see her friends baby 5 days after my baby was born. Seen as though she hasn't been round to see him I gave her sons Xmas presents to my mil 5 days before Xmas to drop off as she looks after her son. That is the first time shes messaged me since my baby was born in Oct to say thanks for presents. When I message back and said just give my kids presents to your mum so you don't have to see my baby that's when she said i been busy blahblah. ( she lives round the corner) why get him a present if you're not going to meet him? Or maybe she feels bad if she gets my daughter (10) one and not baby. So now they think im the one stopping her from meeting him.
And as for my Friend she was fine throughout my pregnancy didn't detect an issue, although she was jealous when I told her but she got over it I thought. She's not been round to wish me a happy 30th birthday 2 weeks before I had baby. She hadnt got me a card presents for baby or met him. When I asked her she said her fellas been working late and that visiting a baby is a joint thing... I dont even like her fella. So I don't get her problem. And before anyone asks yes she has kids of her own 15 & 21 but been wanting a baby with this fella who hasn't got kids. Even if you are jealous its pathetic at her age. So now I've just been blanking her when she message me occasionally never asking about baby though. AIBU or is it them???

OP posts:
Excited101 · 03/01/2022 11:35

Oh gosh op, I think you need to grow up a bit! You clearly hate the pair of them, but expect them to worship you and your baby!

pollyparrot45 · 03/01/2022 11:37

I really love my baby but I don't really care about other peoples.

I think you're being a diva.

HoseMeDownWithHollyWater · 03/01/2022 11:39

I'm struggling with this one. IF this is real, you're not coming across very well. I can see why people have stopped bothering with you.

IamGusFring · 03/01/2022 11:42

When I message back and said just give my kids presents to your mum so you don't have to see my baby that's when she said i been busy

I wouldn't want to visit you either !

ZenNudist · 03/01/2022 11:42

Could not read that. Got a sense that you act like a 12yo

Ste23321 · 03/01/2022 11:43

There are some really nasty responses to you. I hope you don’t take to hear what some nasty people on here are saying. Your baby is 11 weeks old so you naturally are going to be upset and feel hormonal. I felt exactly the same as you.

Yes 💯 your SIL should have seen your baby. It’s her nephew! My advice is firstly ignore the idiots on here and secondly don’t bother with SIL. Maybe send her a text saying you would like her to come around on such and such day for tea and see baby. If she doesn’t respond then you can tell people this.

Ste23321 · 03/01/2022 11:43

To heart not hear!

Shiningpath · 03/01/2022 11:44

I think she’s avoiding seeing you because she’d have to meet two babies…

Ste23321 · 03/01/2022 11:47

I thought mumsnet was developed so parents can support one another. Not kick someone when they down. OP please ignore them. Read the supportive messages you have and enjoy your baby x

mollypuss1 · 03/01/2022 11:49

@Ste23321

I thought mumsnet was developed so parents can support one another. Not kick someone when they down. OP please ignore them. Read the supportive messages you have and enjoy your baby x
Not when that person is being completely unreasonable. You do know what AIBU means don’t you?
IamGusFring · 03/01/2022 11:50

@Ste23321

I thought mumsnet was developed so parents can support one another. Not kick someone when they down. OP please ignore them. Read the supportive messages you have and enjoy your baby x
to say what ? "Ok hun yeah she's a bitch ,you're right" ?
PinkWaferBiscuit · 03/01/2022 11:51

I thought mumsnet was developed so parents can support one another.

Mn is predominantly a chat forum. The OP has knowingly posted on the AIBU part of that forum. She's not looking for hugs and sympathy she was looking for validation that she's in the right.

In this situation she is not reasonable, she's actually being quite unkind and just because she's recently had a baby does not mean that people cannot point that out to her.

Ste23321 · 03/01/2022 11:52

@mollypuss1 she had a baby 11 weeks ago! Can you not remember how sleepless nights and hormones made you feel? There is no need to be nasty to people like I often see on AIBU. You can tell someone they BU without making them feel worse. This is how post natal depression starts when people minimise your feelings.

Oneborneverydecade · 03/01/2022 11:54

@EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall

It's been 11 weeks yanbu . Doesn't matter if you think babies are boring 🙄 there's no excuse for not nipping in and meeting your nephew . Or a good friends new baby either
This
feedthepeony · 03/01/2022 11:54

Your calling her jealous and pathetic.

Yeah I wouldn't rush round to be in your company whether you just had a baby or celebrated your 30th

Whether she's in her twenties or sixties, some people struggle and you never know someone's infertility problems. People are busy. YOUR baby isn't someone else's priority.

You seem hard work, passive aggressive and not nice to be around.

I wouldn't want to be around you either. Maybe try and chill out and not be so self absorbed.

saraclara · 03/01/2022 11:55

..said just give my kids presents to your mum so you don't have to see my baby

Good grief. If I got that message from someone I'd avoid them at all costs. That's a quite stunning level of rudeness.

phoenixrosehere · 03/01/2022 11:55

I thought mumsnet was developed so parents can support one another.

AIBU is not the place to look for support on MN and OP asked if she was being unreasonable: From what she has posted, she’s not quite supportive herself as a parent if she thinks someone who she calls a friend (also a parent) is possibly struggling is pathetic and jealous of her because she’s had a baby. Anyone who thinks it’s ok to send aggressive messages to people because they have not visited her in the time frame she deems acceptable, has also ignored their messages during a pandemic and thinks her behaviour is perfectly warranted is not going to get a lot of support.

2Gen · 03/01/2022 11:59

@EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall

It's been 11 weeks yanbu . Doesn't matter if you think babies are boring 🙄 there's no excuse for not nipping in and meeting your nephew . Or a good friends new baby either
I agree. It does sound as if they have some sort of a problem or begrudge the OP her happiness seeing as they're so unwilling to pop round. I'd be annoyed and a bit hurt too. As for the person who suggested going round to visit them, I can only think they've never had a baby and have no idea what a rigmarole it is to get out of the house with one in the first few months! If they live nearby and they haven't been round, they're making (feeble) excuses and if I were you OP, I wouldn't make any more digs but I would never put myself out for them again either!
Ste23321 · 03/01/2022 11:59

I think she’s struggling tbh. When you are struggling you say things that could be considered “childish” as your emotions get in the way. I think she’s hurting over their lack of involvement which is coming across as lashing out. OP if you are looking for support then I suggest speak to your GP. I know what it feels like as I struggled lots and I can sympathise why you feel the way you do. Goodluck!

LibbyL92 · 03/01/2022 11:59

I know this sounds awful but I really don’t care about babies..

Lots of my friends had babies this year. I’m very happy for them but I’m really not interested! If they need me I’m here. But I’m in no rush to start conversations about babies or rush to visit them at every opportunity.

mollypuss1 · 03/01/2022 12:01

[quote Ste23321]@mollypuss1 she had a baby 11 weeks ago! Can you not remember how sleepless nights and hormones made you feel? There is no need to be nasty to people like I often see on AIBU. You can tell someone they BU without making them feel worse. This is how post natal depression starts when people minimise your feelings.[/quote]
If you don’t want honest answers don’t post on AIBU.

RedRobyn2021 · 03/01/2022 12:02

YANBU

It's not nice, but I wouldn't bother getting in to it. Just leave them to it. A close friend would make more of an effort, an auntie who doesn't live far would make the effort. But you have more important things going on, don't get into a fight because it will just upset you more.

DarkDarkNight · 03/01/2022 12:08

I think some of these replies are a bit unfair. Whether or not you like babies or particularly care about the baby it’s not really the done thing to not see a SIL’s baby when you only live round the corner. Similarly if you are close friends with someone you are entitled to think they would visit and make a fuss.

All of mine and my partners siblings visited our baby within 2 days. This was pre-COVID, but even so not seeing a baby for 8 months when you live round the corner is a deliberate choice.

I think my mind always goes to jealousy in this situation, or someone who is grieving or struggling with infertility. But even so, when I desperately wanted a baby I sucked it up and visited my newborn niece with a card and gift. It’s extremely petty behaviour and I can see why you may want to take a step back from them.

saraclara · 03/01/2022 12:10

I world absolutely visit a friend or SIL in the first few weeks of their new arrival. But I'd wait to be invited. OP has not mentioned inviting them, and she's treated both with extreme rudeness. So I suspect that, as a pp said, it's not the baby that they're reluctant to see.

2022success · 03/01/2022 12:13

Are you seriously 30? I know more mature 13 year olds.

Grow up!