Sil & friend hasn't met our baby yet

[Hopingformydb]

AIBU that I dont want to bother with my hubby's sis and as well my friend who was supposed to be my very close friend.
My baby is 11 weeks old tomorrow. And my husband sis has not met him (said she's been busy) but she's been to see her friends baby 5 days after my baby was born. Seen as though she hasn't been round to see him I gave her sons Xmas presents to my mil 5 days before Xmas to drop off as she looks after her son. That is the first time shes messaged me since my baby was born in Oct to say thanks for presents. When I message back and said just give my kids presents to your mum so you don't have to see my baby that's when she said i been busy blahblah. ( she lives round the corner) why get him a present if you're not going to meet him? Or maybe she feels bad if she gets my daughter (10) one and not baby. So now they think im the one stopping her from meeting him.
And as for my Friend she was fine throughout my pregnancy didn't detect an issue, although she was jealous when I told her but she got over it I thought. She's not been round to wish me a happy 30th birthday 2 weeks before I had baby. She hadnt got me a card presents for baby or met him. When I asked her she said her fellas been working late and that visiting a baby is a joint thing... I dont even like her fella. So I don't get her problem. And before anyone asks yes she has kids of her own 15 & 21 but been wanting a baby with this fella who hasn't got kids. Even if you are jealous its pathetic at her age. So now I've just been blanking her when she message me occasionally never asking about baby though. AIBU or is it them???

I would be upset too especially if they live close by. Just don't put any effort in from now on. Enjoy your baby and the baby stage is so so short, just make the most out of it. Some people are like this unfortunately and you learn overtime .

Babies are rare in my family and I was the first to have it and everyone dropped everything and rushed to see it but this was also before covid. My sil was the first to arrive at the hospital and now she's pregnant herself and I would never imagine not seeing my niece/nephew for weeks despite her living 3 hours away so some replies on here are absolutely bonkers especially to a new mother who could potentially have her emotions heightened or even experiencing pnd.

Please don't give anymore headspace to people who don't care about you or your baby. They are not worth it for you to be consuming yourself over it. And to the people commenting on if you're like this, no wonder why they aren't visiting. Well if my sil was such a bitch, I would still go above and beyond to go and see my nephew/niece arranging it with my brother if he is ok with it.

I agree that it's odd your SIL has met her friend's new baby and not yours, but from the language you're using I think there's more to your relationship anyway? Maybe you aren't that close and honestly not keen on each other?
As for your friend, she is finding it difficult. Be understanding. Give her some space.
I have been really into some friends pregnancy/ new baby journeys and others have passed me by without any consideration at all. It's largely dependent on what is going on in my life at that time. Cut your friend some slack - she's not being nasty to you, it's just self preservation.

One of my friends didn't meet my child until about 4 months old, due to the fact that she thought because I hadn't asked I didn't want visitors. As soon as I invited her she was straight around

Exactly this. Have you said "please come and meet baby, a good day for us is ..." ? I wouldn't dream of inviting myself round to someone's house if they've just given birth! I'd assume they want space, especially with things like Xmas and COVID in the way.

In the nicest possible way you need to grow up.

Send them a text saying “sorry I’ve not been in touch properly recently. How are you? Did you have a nice Christmas? Let me know when you’re free to pop around for a cuppa so we can have a catch up and I can introduce you to new baby. I hope you and the family are all ok”

Is it the baby Jesus? If not then you are being unreasonable. Agree with a previous poster, maybe it's you they don't want to see.

One of my best friends had a baby 3 months ago. She lives just across the road. I still haven't got to meet him. I feel terrible but I literally never have the chance my husband has met him twice as I've been sending things over to them.

Perhaps they are very busy. I think you're a little ridiculous I never recall thinking or caring who had/ hadn't seen my baby's

I hate this obsession with “meeting the new baby”. Babies are really not interesting to anyone else and in the current covid climate, why would you want to go round the house of someone who’s just been in a hospital and could be carrying it.

I think you need to let it go, or accept that you will have less friends as a result.

With covid so prevalent at the mo maybe they don’t want to risk giving it to your newborn?

It’s not your first baby so I’m not sure why you expected such a fuss from SIL and friends. The friend doesn’t sound very close or kind if she forgot your birthday and failed to congratulate you on the birth.

I don’t really like visiting new babies and making small talk unless I’m very close to the mother.

Not sure why your upset I guess everyone is different I'm due in 9 weeks and I don't want loads of people coming round and wanting to hold my baby especially not with Covid around I'd be glad of less people visiting I'm dreading all the can I come and see the baby messages I've been trying to hint to people I don't want too many people around my baby because I'm concerned about Covid but no one is taking the hint

I don't understand why people are piling in on you. The sister should have visited her brother's child by now, you are family and you ought to make time for close family. I would still be gracious when she does eventually turn up. As for your friend, I don't think the relationship is as important to her as it is you and I'd let that slide. What I would say is let go of the anger, hurt and resentment and just enjoy your baby, otherwise you are just clouding a special time with negativity.
^^^
THIS

We visited sil when baby was 11 days old. It was late because the week she was born , we moved house, went to a wedding and had the eldest dd holidaying aboard.
Maybe old fashioned but it was the done thing.
OP enjoy your baby. You'll start to make new friends now as your baby grows and your life changes.
We often lose friends as our life circumstances change and this allows new people in to our lives.

When I message back and said just give my kids presents to your mum so you don't have to see my baby

I can’t get over how rude and presumptuous this is! So passive aggressive too. Accusing your friend of being jealous and seemingly almost taking pleasure in not liking her fella isn’t very nice either. I think it’s probably you no one wants to see rather than your baby.

You’re way too confrontational. I’d not be bothering with you.

Just out of interest do you know if your sil is struggling to conceive? I say this because I had an older child years ago and tried to conceive a few years later and after alot of problems I later found out I couldn't have any more children naturally. I always got upset around pregnant women and newborns, there were 2 pregnancies in the family at that point and I congratulated them and they gave gave the option to see baby when I was ready and I did 1 of them and as soon as I got back home I was in bits
So I distanced myself from them to protect my feelings for a bit which alot of people didn't understand and I did get a few saying "well she already has a child so I don't see the problem" but to me I really wanted another baby and seeing others really hurt me. I maybe came across to them as a selfish cow but I couldn't bring myself to actually talk about my feelings so distanced myself because it was easier. Is this what she is possibly doing?

I understand it's upsetting but it's their loss. Maybe they are showing you they aren't as bothered about you and your baby as you would have hoped. Jealousy may be more a factor than you realise if they live only 5 minutes away and haven't spared half an hour to pop in to visit you in nearly 3 months.

You sound like real hard work and very childish for a 30 year old. Does it really matter who comes to see baby and brings cards or presents?

Do you know how hard it is to desperately want a baby and know it might not happen/isn’t happening? It’s awful and seeing babies can be really hard. For years I was going through ttc and would go and see my friends with new babies, hate it, feel like a horrible person because I felt so sad for myself not just happy for them, and then cried in the train station on the way gone.

The fact you call your friend pathetic is utterly shameful and rude and it sounds like she’s better off without you to be honest.