Grandson has too much screen time, is it my place to say?

[Halloweencat]

I think my 5 year old grandson has too much screen time on a children's ipad. From what I've read it can be damaging to their eyes. His development is normal & he's doing very well at school. AIBU to say something, or tell him to put it down?

I actually think it’s really nice that your concerned about how much screen time he’s having you could try getting toys out and looking at them see if curiosity gets the better of him.

@FourTeaFallOut

Take him to the park? Don't just sit there whinging?

Read OP's posts? Don't just ask questions she's already answered?

Yabu for deciding that your subjective view point is right and anything else is wrong. Trying being less judgemental.

You say it's a regular thing, but how do you know?

My DD is 4.5 and gets a lot more screen time some times than others. At home we usually have things to do, but this past visit with my parents, she had a lot of time on the tablet, because it fascinated her cousins and they bonded over it (they don't know each other well). My mum was visibly concerned, because she assumed she was seeing what was a typical day's use.

I also noticed that, in my mum's case, she seems to have forgotten certain things about our childhood. When we were tiny we had various early computers and were very keen on them - she's edited this out of her memory and seems to believe every day was a sunny romp through the woodlands followed by improving stories. I'm sure I'll be the same when DD has kids.

it depends what he is doing on the screen. my youngest has spent lockdown learning on ipads , laptops. We have educational games on their. So i dont have an issue with screen time. Better than staring at the TV, although I should add when my DC grandparents visited and I was busy cooking, they would take my DC out to the park, or get some board games out and insist everyone plays. Sounds like you sit observing and shoot out criticisms using MN rather than engaging your grandchild. I can assure you my DC would do what their grandparents said if they had visited and would have loved engaging in games

I find it hard to believe that a five year old wouldn’t prefer to spend time playing with a grandparent rather than be on a screen, my oldest grandchild is 5 and loves games, jigsaws, stickers, looking at books together and playing in their pop up castle while me and grandad join in their world enthusiastically. Just find out what your grandson is into, apart from the screen and show an interest. I don’t use screens when my grandkids visit us but that is because I have the luxury of time, I can spend all day making crafts, baking, going for long walks and jumping in puddles and then catch up on housework or have a lie down when they go home. Of course when my kids were young I had to put them sometimes in front of the TV when I got on with things and of course would have used screens if they were available then so I would not dream of commenting to my son about how long his kids were on a screen.
By the way I am extremely short sighted, very high prescription and worn glasses since I was 4 years old and being older there were no screen devices around when I was a child. My poor kids have inherited my bad eyesight ( it is an inherited trait) so screen use does not cause bad eyesight.

Its amazing how many grandparents become parenting experts with their grandkids when they were probably fairly average parents themselves.

Its the Xmas holidays, most people are a little more lax than usual with screentime.

@danni0509

Define too much? Asking for a friend

One minute more than the critical person lets their kids have? Doesn't really work with grandparents though.

Either the op lives close enough that she could make a habit of taking him outdoors when she visits or so far away that she visits infrequently, in which case the parents are probably letting him have lots of screen time to enjoy the ops company.

I hate to see small kids glued to screens, but you can’t say anything. My 5 year old nephew is allowed to be on an iPad non-stop and as a result, he has no interest in books or games or toys.

Just try when you’re with him to do fun things that don’t involve screens.

So he has spent 2 hours on the ipad? Someone alert the church elders!

I'm sure they all have coats, right? I mean, that's the usual solution to rain.

I think all you can do is offer to take him out - play place, park, animals or whatever. Even if raining (another day now of course).

@Blueberryflavour

I find it hard to believe that a five year old wouldn’t prefer to spend time playing with a grandparent rather than be on a screen, my oldest grandchild is 5 and loves games, jigsaws, stickers, looking at books together and playing in their pop up castle while me and grandad join in their world enthusiastically. Just find out what your grandson is into, apart from the screen and show an interest. I don’t use screens when my grandkids visit us but that is because I have the luxury of time, I can spend all day making crafts, baking, going for long walks and jumping in puddles and then catch up on housework or have a lie down when they go home. Of course when my kids were young I had to put them sometimes in front of the TV when I got on with things and of course would have used screens if they were available then so I would not dream of commenting to my son about how long his kids were on a screen. By the way I am extremely short sighted, very high prescription and worn glasses since I was 4 years old and being older there were no screen devices around when I was a child. My poor kids have inherited my bad eyesight ( it is an inherited trait) so screen use does not cause bad eyesight.

I've got 3 GC between 4 and 6. Two would much rather be playing and doing stuff with me, the third just wants his screens. Children vary just like adults. The only thing GS is really interested in is his ipad, football comes second but only with his team not with gran.

Its the Xmas holidays, most people are a little more lax than usual with screentime.

I like to call this period between festivities ending and school restarting the "let the bairn be" time.

Basically the DC have had a full on month with Christmas shows, carol services, pantos, Christmas lunch at school, Christmas parties, etc. Then they have the excitement of Christmas, presents, family visiting, normal routine all topsy turvey, New Year's, late nights, etc. It reaches a stage where you need to just let them be, don't schedule anything, don't push them to do anything, and just let them flop for a couple of days before school starts back.

I bloody wish my kids' grandparents would come round and offer to play with them. I hate how much time my kids spend on screens, its addictive and yes, bad for their eyes. But 2 working parents means its often very hard to limit/spend the time they need to do other stuff.

It probably won't go down well, OP. But I agree with you. Screens are damaging not just our kids' eyesight but their attention and depriving them of all the other things kids need to grow and develop.

I'm not keen on ipads and don't have them for my kids of similar ages. I wouldn't say anything to his parents but like others say, offer to take up the slack - not necessarily today but on a weekend take him to the park or swimming etc.

Parenting is hard enough during a pandemic without being judged. My kids have had a ridiculous amount of Screen time after trying to WFH/home school during lockdowns. It's impossible.

For context I do worry about what kids miss out on by spend excess hours on screens - play skills/ communication/ fine and gross motor skills. We won't know the effects of this for years.

Actually OP you are right. My son's optician speaks to him all the time about limiting the amount of time on his tablet. Optician also is a consultant at the kids eye hospital and says that too much staring a one bit of a closely held screen (Phone or tablet I guess) can impact on how well children's eyes work / is leading to more and more kids developing short sightedness - much more than can be explained simply by better diagnosis.

We've been told no longer than 20 min max at any one time and then go and do something different that stimulates depth perception eg throwing and catching a ball, ideally playing outside. i believe the problem is the intense focus on one small bit of a screen which many games have

I think it's fine to mention to the parents, sometimes people need the obvious pointing out. And you are doing it in the best interest of your grandson. It is your business, he's your family too.

Also, depends how often you visit, but if we have visitors kids are not allowed to sit on their screens. It's really rude.

Kids 5 hrs not going to play with toys if you say “play with your toys” especially if two adults he dosent know that well are there - it’s off putting especially for littles that have had over two years of no other adults about

Suggestions

1)Throwing it down with rain - wellies on and a splashy walk with puddle jumping and look at the Xmas lights.

2. get of your own screen and Start playing with his toys. Set up a tea party for his bears or build a car track and start them off racing - tempt him over and then engage.

3. sit next to him and ask what he’s playing and expand the conversation. Space game - talk about stars and the mars rover and see if he thinks aliens are real

4. if all else fails go over and have a tickle war - hard to be on a tablet when your having raspberries blown on your tummy - but expect retaliation!

I leave dd (5) with my parents in the sitting room when I cook and they parent her in my absence - yesterday they made a bike pump space rocket with a kit they brought with them - the engaging with the grandkid is down to the grandparents not the kid

I think all you can do is control it If you are a carer for him, when he’s with you, ie if you look after him whilst parents work. On your watch you can limit his gaming time, as you’re in charge, but you cant control it when his parents are supervising him. Their rules then.

YANBU as its lazy parenting at its finest, however YABU to suggest saying something to them, as it isn't your place to do so.

I would just try and encourage him away from the iPad to do something else.

Fucking hell there are some defensive parents on here. I limit my DGCs screen time when they are with me. I want to interact with them, it’s not just about their eyesight. I’ve also asked their parents how long they are allowed, and yes it includes my DD not just DS

And I think it’s rude if I go to visit and they are on a phone or iPad for the 2 hours that I am there, especially at 5 year old. I would expect my DCs to be taking it off them I don’t want to sit and look at the top of their heads.

but if you're truly concerned and not just judging

It is judgement dressed up as concern with a vague “from what I read somewhere” excuse.