Grandson has too much screen time, is it my place to say?

[Halloweencat]

I think my 5 year old grandson has too much screen time on a children's ipad. From what I've read it can be damaging to their eyes. His development is normal & he's doing very well at school. AIBU to say something, or tell him to put it down?

Stay out of it.

Jesus, why do these questions turn into huge fights?

My lot spend hours on screen;they go to their eye test appointments;their vision is fine.

Ahh but OP is of the “it will give you square eyes” TV generation. They know better, apparently.

Jesus, why do these questions turn into huge fights?

Because OPs never like to be told to butt out when they are being judgemental.

Halloweencat came on for advice, and took that which she was offered ie to not comment or interfere.

It sounded like she didn't intend to anyway, and the child's mum took the ipad and it sounds like they had a pleasant evening.

I don't blame Halloweencat for reaching the end of her tether with the rudeness, criticism and assumptions she received from some posters.

She's right to be concerned about young children spending too much time on a screen, and also right not to think carefully before bringing it up with his parents (which she didn't have to do anyway).

@SarahAndQuack

She was at the end of her tether because someone pointed out she kept ignoring everyone who said screen time might not be as bad as she thought? She did come on here for advice. She's proved remarkably bad at accepting any. I'm not really sure what else you want me to say.

Precisely nothing would be a good start.

Well I wasn't going to comment on this again, but I'm back home after a day out:
@Basket20
No my swearing in caps do not speak volumes. I was at the end of my tether with nasty, sneering people who just love an argument. The fact that the comments were going to fall on deaf ears wasn't because I wasn't prepared to listen to opinions, it was because I wasn't going to give some people on here anymore headrace, I've had better things to do with my bank holiday quite frankly

@boredzelda
Jesus, where do you lot get off on being so sarcastic & nasty?
Do you honestly think that if a person thinks from the outset that their opinion is right, would waste time in posting the question on here in the first place? What would be the point in that?
You just wanted to join in & stick the boot in, grow up!

[quote Halloweencat]@SarahAndQuack
I'm not pretending to be disinterested or miss judgeypants. I have categorically stated that my initial interest is because of too much screen time potentially causing eye strain & potential addiction to screens to the detriment of social interaction. It's not about not paying attention to ME whilst I'm there, or about control of dg as a pp has suggested. It's about social interaction in general.
For example, all around you you can see youngsters all sitting together but totally ignoring each other because they're so immersed in their screens. Human beings are sociable creatures, not robots in their own little world with a device welded into their palms. Screen addiction could potentially dull their social skills for one, which is not good when they go out into the big wide world as an adult.
Showing care & concern for your family is not interfering. Over riding someone else's rules IS interfering, hence my asking the question in the first place.
Tbh, i've seen several posters on MN over the years who are so precious they can't take even their own mother's comments on parenting, but they'll happily use them for free childcare. They show so much disrespect in the way they speak about them if they dare utter any comment that could be misconstrued as a criticism of their parenting. It would do them well to remember that their dm's, and even their dmils, have more life experience, have been mothers themselves, some good & some not so good; and are women in their own right with feelings who actually just love & care for their dgc. It doesn't mean that they want to take over the role of parenting & do it all again. I for one do not, I'm too knackered![/quote]
I don't totally disagree re screen time and I do think lots of kids have too much.

But this post alone tells me that you would be a nightmare mother/MIL. So much meanness and judgment in one post and I wouldn't want you around much.

I think you sound just fine @Halloweencat.

Some posters on here as we know are ridiculously defensive of what they see as the correct way to parent and woe betide any one advising otherwise.
They are also extremely rude so it doesn't look like their parents have done such a great job.

You sound like a lovely caring GP and I'm sure you are of the generation where you don't give a rats arse what people think of you.

@duvetdayforeveryone

Could you sign him up for an activity subscription service, such as www.toucanbox.com

Doing an arty activity will keep him off the screen.

Only if the GPs persuade him it's fun and do it with him. Otherwise no, it won't.

@Thedogscollar

I think you sound just fine *@Halloweencat*.

Some posters on here as we know are ridiculously defensive of what they see as the correct way to parent and woe betide any one advising otherwise.
They are also extremely rude so it doesn't look like their parents have done such a great job.

You sound like a lovely caring GP and I'm sure you are of the generation where you don't give a rats arse what people think of you.

No, she sounds a judgemental and "we didn't do that in my day" grandparent. Hopefully she reads the room and doesn't embarrass herself by speaking to the parents about this.

@SarahAndQuack

This:
Twitterwhooooo Mon 03-Jan-22 13:05:16

Halloweencat came on for advice, and took that which she was offered ie to not comment or interfere.

It sounded like she didn't intend to anyway, and the child's mum took the ipad and it sounds like they had a pleasant evening.

I don't blame Halloweencat for reaching the end of her tether with the rudeness, criticism and assumptions she received from some posters.

No, I do not deal with people in real life the way I have dealt with you. I have spoken to you this way because of this:

Thedogscollar Mon 03-Jan-22 11:54:52

@SarahAndQuack
You come across in your posts as the most patronising, condescending and annoying of people.

Maybe your DD/DIL will see through your sneery comments one day and you will be on here for advice from the masses like the OP on how to deal with you.
Thedogscollar Mon 03-Jan-22 12:29:43

I think Halloweencat was at the end of her tether.
You were the last straw.
Like the annoying kid who always has to have the last word.

@Twitterwhooooo and @Thedogscollar
Thank you very much for your back up, it is very much appreciated. I am done with it now, life is too short for this!

Good luck with that. It’s a losing battle, don’t bother starting it.

@Halloweencat I don’t blame you losing it either, in the face of such haranguing and virtually being stalked by one poster. I am aghast that one poster thinks that there are apps which can help with fine motor skills!! There is lots of evidence that too much screen time is detrimental to children’s health and development, it makes me wonder if all the defensiveness and outrage on this thread is from parents who over use screens. You came on an anonymous forum to ask a perfectly reasonable question - and have been accused of all sorts, some massive projection in some posts.

@ChateauxNeufDePoop

No I totally disagree with you. There are some nasty posters on here that need to read back what they type.
Patronising condescending and sneery posts from a lot on here.

The OP does not sound judgemental at all, just a concerned GP with valid reasons.

A lot of you need to educate yourselves on the effect of screen time on very young children.

@Halloweencat

Thank you for all your responses. There's a lot of rudeness here, when I was merely asking for opinions & discussion. If my late mil/dm had queried anything like this I would not have disrespected them, but would have discussed in an adult manner. I know they would have meant well. As for assuming I am the nasty mil *@Aquamarine1029* as a pp said - well done on sticking to the mn stereotype of the evil mil against the saintly dil. I don't think I actually mentioned whether or not it was my dd or ddil. It's also irrelevant whether she is dd or ddil. My first question in my op was on the potential damage to the eyes from too much screen time. Even at work it is advised by H&S for us adults to take more regular breaks from the screen. It is rude to be on the ipad so much when family who love them are visiting. He is verging on being addicted to the thing, no matter how much you try to engage. Is this a good way to be for a 5 year old? He visits often enough & is in my sole care often enough for me to know this. I'm stricter with it I think. Fwiw I went to the loo to post my question on MN - you can't expect someone to get off their screen whilst you're on yours. I also appreciate that they are of a different generation & times have moved on; but I don't see any harm in showing concern for a much loved grandson's welfare, and indeed manners, with regard to screen time. After raising my kids myself, at the age of 60 I have enough ideas on how to engage with my grandson & his new toys; but just try doing that without an argument or tears in someone's house when they are so engrossed in some mindless cartoon on the Internet, it's very difficult! Hence my original post. Thank you to the more supportive responses, both the ones who agreed with me & the ones who disagreed with me. As for the more aggressive ones, it's only what I expected from some posters on mn! Water off a ducks back & all that, still don't get the curious connection with my ds 24, potentially going into the Raf & this thread though, don't know what was being implied there 🤷‍♀️

You aren’t owed his attention because you ‘love him very much’. He’s 5 and you’re in his home, it’s not rude to live his life, he’s not there for your entertainment.

But the OP never said any of what you are projecting at all🤦‍♀️

How OTT you are.

The OP does not sound judgemental at all, just a concerned GP with valid reasons.

Her posts are loaded with judgements be it about young people and screens, or other people on here. And none of it is based in actual fact, just “something she read”.

I agree with @WWDD, OP’s posts make it clear the kind of attitudes to others she has.

After raising my kids myself, at the age of 60 I have enough ideas on how to engage with my grandson & his new toys

Except you don’t, because you haven’t been able to. Why not engage with him and the “mindless” cartoon that actually is more interesting to him than whatever toy you got that you think is more interesting.

If you genuinely think he's being neglected, lack of interaction is causing delays or other negative outcome then yes speak up but if it's just a parenting style you disagree with them don't say anything, he's not with you all the time I'm guessing so it may be he doesn't get to use it other times? Many people let kids use screens and they are just fine, my DD's had tablets at 6

@BoredZelda

The OP does not sound judgemental at all, just a concerned GP with valid reasons.

Her posts are loaded with judgements be it about young people and screens, or other people on here. And none of it is based in actual fact, just “something she read”.

I agree with @WWDD, OP’s posts make it clear the kind of attitudes to others she has.

Who are you to say the "something she read" is not factual?

I think rightly or wrongly a lot of people are offended taking advice on technology from the older generation who didn't have to deal with it in the same way mothers do now (yes there was tv but not tablets, mobiles Etc.) Also often back then one parent usually the mother could afford to stay home because one salary could pay a normal mortgage. These days that isn't possible so many mums resent being told how to parent from mums who didn't have the same circumstances.

No...in what world do you think you can say anything. Yabvvvvu

I am going against the grain and say it's ok to share your concerns with the parents. You are doing it from a place of love, that's fine.

@londonrach

No...in what world do you think you can say anything. Yabvvvvu

In the real world. You should try it sometime.