Grandson has too much screen time, is it my place to say?

[Halloweencat]

I think my 5 year old grandson has too much screen time on a children's ipad. From what I've read it can be damaging to their eyes. His development is normal & he's doing very well at school. AIBU to say something, or tell him to put it down?

Just seen your posts. Yes I’d say that would be far too much for a 5 year old. I’ve noticed a huge uptick in preschoolers I worked with who just want to play electronics nowadays and it’s not my cup of tea at all. Especially hours at a time to the exclusion of all and any other games or toys.

However I still maintain that it all depends on your relationship with the parents as to whether you can say anything without making it worse. Can you perhaps offer to do a special Granny & grandson day where you do some activity together? It might encourage him away from just iPad.

The irony. You’re a guest in someone’s house and you’re on your device on Mumsnet? Why not ask him what he’s up to on his iPad, ask him some questions and interact with him?

I think you are coming from a good place but you can’t say anything.
I’m sure that you did things with your children that your parents/in laws raised eyebrows at.

As a grandparent I only offer advice if asked.

some of posters on mumsnet seem so aggressive it’s almost amusing. Of course it is up to the parents the amount of screen time allowed but is it so offensive for a grandparent to suggest it’s too much? If the grandmother was wrestling it out of the child’s hand then fair enough but to just suggest it’s too much isn’t the end of the world surely

We’ve been with family this weekend and my niece was on a device constantly - she is almost 5. It’s constant. She can’t play a game without having a phone in her hand.

I’m fairly relaxed about devices - they are part of life now but I would not allow this and I certainly would not allow my child to be on a device for two hours while we had visitors. It is just rude.

I told my niece to put the phone down to play with us - she is a child and we know her well enough to do this.

I haven’t told my SIL that I think she’s on the device too much - we don’t have that kind of relationship. My in laws comment on it though but don’t know that they have said anything to SIL but I think they should. Ultimately it’s up to the parents but sometimes when someone points something out it is enough to make you realise something.

I understand your concerns OP but I don’t think it’s your place to say wether he spends too much time on it.

I feel the same as you in the way that things have changed and kids are now more glued to screens than they are playing with toys or playing outside, sadly it’s just the way it is, tech is so advanced now that there are not toys that provide the same kind of fun for kids. My dc are teens now, one spends way too much time glued to screens but the other isn’t that bothered, I do drag them away from it, I take them out and we leave the gadgets behind but when we are at home they get to use them whenever they want.

I'm older than you OP but my DC grew up with screens and consoles. I had strict rules about time allowed and it was a permanent PITA.
They need limits as soon as they have access to a device , it's very difficult to do it retrospectively
I agree with you that 2 hours on an ipad is too much (for anyone, let alone a 5 year old).

However you can't do anything. You should say nothing as it will appear that you are criticising parenting. Get some toys out and coax him away from the tablet.

I do think it’s really sad that his mum allows him to sit on the iPad for 2 hours while you’re visiting but it’s a conversation you’d need to start really diplomatically with whichever parent is your child

The only thing you could do is take him out to places and try to get him interested in other activities: swimming, nature, play parks etc. You can't say anything, that would never go down well - his parents either already know or wouldn't agree with you.

I struggle with this, my 13 has quite a bit screen time and my dad has commented.
I think it’s worth bearing in mind these children have been through a time that no one else has experienced during their childhood. Screens have kept children educated and connected. My son meets friends and ‘plays’ on a screen, he learns on a screen, his homework is via a screen. Until you have parented or been a child in a pandemic I think you need to adjust your thinking. People, families and kids are surviving.

What are you offering to do to reduce his screen time?

I am in the vast minority here but I totally agree with you OP and I would definitely say something in your position. It is awful to allow a child of that age to sit on an iPad at all let alone for hours each day. I don’t even understand why children of that age are even allowed access to one (and I have two children very close to that age). Of course children of that age will prefer passive entertainment. The parents are being lazy and need to be told to make more effort. I think it is irrelevant that he is doing well at school. To my mind that just shows that this child has potential, and should be better occupied not left to play on a screen.

What are you thinking @FourTeaFallOut?

Genuinely intrigued by your question

I agree with you - two hours straight is far too much

But you can't do anything about it, other than when the DGC is in your sole charge

It's the end of the Xmas holidays and mum and dad are probably knackered and having to deal with in-laws too. They probably thought a bit of screen time to make the day go easier wasnt a bad thing. Chances are when school is back they live a routine involving far less screen time.

Take him to the park? Don't just sit there whinging?

MYOB

Let the parents deal with this.

OP I totally get you minding even if it’s hard to say anything; I’d be on the same page but generally wouldn’t intervene as at the end of the day everyone has different opinions on technology and its advantages /disadvantages.
Our DC have grown up with lots of books and music etc instead (DS loves playing the piano especially) and now they are 10+ they do for example play plenty of computer games with friends and are good at regulating it now have so many other interests.
My aunt feels similar to you and hasn’t said anything but regularly looks after her grandchildren and gives them a great time doing other things which works for them.

Basically, you (and I see you refer to "we" so are you there with your DH?) need to do something alongside that's more interesting. You & your DH start playing a game he can join in with (I'd suggest something noisy and fun, like Ker-Plunk).

Don't just sit there waiting for him to get bored and then engage with you, because that won't happen.

So he's happy, doing well at school, no concerns about development. What's the problem?

Ps They might easily be just relaxing it over the holidays which isn’t necessarily a bad thing

Also it's a new gift so probably still a novelty and it's the holidays. Life and routine will go back to normal shortly.

YANBU, OP.

It’s obvious from the posts here which parents feel triggered by criticism of excessive screen time. I wonder why? 🤔

Omg I remember being told as a child that I would have square eyes if I watched too much TV. Seems every generation will suffer from some eye disorder Not your place to comment op

@Fidgetty

If his dad is at work and his mum is busy making dinner then you should take the iPad away and engage him in play. If you're fun to be around he'll prefer playing with you than being on the screen. I wouldn't "say" anything to his parents about his screen time consumption as that's not your place but if you're truly concerned and not just judging then you should be entertaining him instead while his mum is busy cooking for you.

Op has already said, twice, that she's tried to engage him in playing with other toys but he's refused.