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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Grandson has too much screen time, is it my place to say?

352 replies

Halloweencat · 02/01/2022 17:03

I think my 5 year old grandson has too much screen time on a children's ipad. From what I've read it can be damaging to their eyes. His development is normal & he's doing very well at school. AIBU to say something, or tell him to put it down?

OP posts:
mnahmnah · 02/01/2022 17:28

It is highly unlikely that their response will be ‘thank you so much for your advice, I really appreciate it. It had never occurred to me that screen time may need reducing but I will do it immediately’ Hmm

Cocomarine · 02/01/2022 17:28

[quote Halloweencat]@Cocomarine
A little bit too invested if you're doing a search on me! Why is it curious, and how have you managed on your head to link my son & grandson? Apart from being uncle & nephew what does my son have to do with my question?[/quote]
Doesn’t take any investment to press a phone screen 🤷🏻‍♀️
Sometimes throws up other posts that put the one you’re reading in context.
I linked your son with grandson because a glance through your other posts (a) didn’t mention a daughter and (b) were written in a way that didn’t suggestion another child - thought that’s subjective of course.

I was one of at least 3 posters that thought this sounded like the child of a son, not a daughter.

TulipsTwoLips · 02/01/2022 17:28

If you were to say something what would you say? His parents will already know how much time he spends at the screen!

Luredbyapomegranate · 02/01/2022 17:30

It’s up to his parents.

It’s very possible he’s having more screen time than usual because holidays and right now she wants him entertained while she cooks. Or maybe he always gets a fair bit. If you are really concerned you could raise it with your son, but tread carefully.

MabelTheCow · 02/01/2022 17:30

@Halloweencat are you an adult present in the house while the parent cooks? Could you possibly play with the child? You could even ask him to show you the iPad and what he’s doing so you might understand why he finds it engaging.

WeAllHaveWings · 02/01/2022 17:31

Nothing wrong with asking him to play with you and his toys, but you don't just tell him to put it down because in your opinion he is spending too much time on it. Not your place.

You need to make yourself/the toys more interesting, build a relationship/rapport with him. Shouldn't be too hard with a 5 year. Wait until they are teens, then it is hard!!!

sadpapercourtesan · 02/01/2022 17:31

It's really none of your business. The only thing you will achieve by sticking your oar in is to make an enemy of your DIL, which seems to me to be a colossal own goal Confused

Original poster
Halloweencat · 02/01/2022 17:31

@ctb As I said in my second post we've tried to encourage play with his other toys with us today, but he just wants his ipad. Apart from insisting he puts it'll away, what else do you suggest "ffs"? As its been pointed out on here it's not my place to insist that he does put it away. Also throwing it down with rain so going out to play is not really an option either! Dad is at work too....

OP posts:
DustyMaiden · 02/01/2022 17:32

It won’t hurt his eyes

JohnSmithDrive · 02/01/2022 17:32

Have you tried to encourage him to do something with you. Personally I wouldn't have allowed DC to be on screens all day if we had GPs visiting who wanted to do stuff with them.

1forAll74 · 02/01/2022 17:32

It's not really your place to say anything,, but I would agree with your views on this matter. Children get addicted to these gadgets now, and it's not so good at all.

pasturesgreen · 02/01/2022 17:34

No good will come out of you saying something, it's not your place.

Phineyj · 02/01/2022 17:34

What's he doing on it? My DD's a bit older and spends a lot of time (when no cycling or swimming or other kids are available) constructing things in Minecraft and Animal Crossing and playing in Roblox. She can also play online with friends. DC have had to build skills in this with the 18 months we've had.

Your GS's much more likely to do a game or activity with you if you take an interest in what he's doing first rather than just try to take it off him.

I've found some of DD's games moderately fun.

SeagullSong · 02/01/2022 17:34

Definitely not your place. My 5 year old has more screen time than I would ideally like, but with Covid still restricting life, I am not going to tackle this yet. Anyone passing comment or judgement would be told to bugger off.
Have you actually tried engaging with him while he uses the iPad? He might enjoy a nice cuddle with Granny while showing you his favourite apps or videos. We get lots of ideas for activities and pretend/role play games that way.

Footle · 02/01/2022 17:34

I'm a lot older than you, @Halloweencat. I absolutely buggered my own eyes by reading incessantly as a child.

SmallElephant · 02/01/2022 17:34

Have you tried playing with him, not just encouraging him to play with his toys?

I do agree with you OP that too much screen time isn't great. But it's very hard to say that without causing offence!

BoredZelda · 02/01/2022 17:34

No it isn’t. You raised your kids let them raise their own.

Kanaloa · 02/01/2022 17:34

@Patapouf

He could be watching 14 hours a day and it still wouldn't be your place to say. If my mum/MIL told me they thought DS has too much screen time they'd get a swift fuck off from me.
Really? I would be concerned about a child on screens that much, and surely in a loving family you can bring these things up for the best of the child.

Of course it depends on the relationship. I have a great relationship with my mil so if she said something like this it would sting (as it always does to be criticised) but I would consider whether she had a point.

Anyway op I think it depends on your relationship with the parents as to whether you can raise it.

JohnSmithDrive · 02/01/2022 17:35

That said it's the last couple of days of a holiday that no doubt has been all about the kids, and dad's gone to work leaving mum with DC and his parents(I'd guess). I can see why she's taking the easy option today.

ChrimboGateauxCatto · 02/01/2022 17:36

What I would say is that whilst it must be disappointing not interacting with him, which I think is the basis for what you write. It might be his allotted screen time for the day.

I would think if you didn't use screens at all this might well stick out to you. So, 1) are you disappointed at not getting more interaction with him and 2) how much do you use screens in a day?

NewYearsEars · 02/01/2022 17:37

No it’s none of your business how much screen time he has.
I do think it’s bad manners to allow a child to play on screens with guests present though. Mine know they go off when we have visitors. Lots of people are saying why don’t you play with him, but if he is glued to a screen it is not that easy. He needs some boundaries if he isn’t going to turn into one of those adults who surfs on his phone every time there is a lull in conversation rather than thinking of something to say.

Snugglepumpkin · 02/01/2022 17:37

When people my son doesn't particularly like are visiting I let him play on tablets etc.. more than I normally would.

When it's something like Christmas/New Year/Birthday etc... then he also gets to have more time.

Doesn't mean on a regular day he can spend that much time doing it.

Whenever you visit it's not a regular day unless you practically live there.

I'd suggest if you were being interesting to the boy he'd be more interested in interacting with you.
If you are just sitting there doing things like asking him if he enjoys school/is looking forward to going back to school/what has he been learning at school etc... then I can see why he'd rather play on his tablet.

KCee30 · 02/01/2022 17:37

Stay out of it. You aren't the one parenting him. If he's doing well in school, happy and does plenty of other things who cares

My kids have a lot is screen time but equally we go out and do things, play games and exercise etc.

My son has asd. Sometimes iPad or computer is the only thing that chills him out.

Malvasylvestris · 02/01/2022 17:37

I feel your pain OP, my kids would be on devices all day if I let them, so I try very hard to limit their use. The way I see it, I managed to entertain myself without them whilst growing up, so they can read, do creative and physical activities etc instead too.

As they get older, the issues will be more to do with mental rather than physical ones, so I'm not looking forward to that...

I read excessively as a child, sometimes in poor light and am the only one with myopia in my family. Obviously I can't prove it's to do with the reading, but the science is pretty solid that focusing on close objects for ages increases risk of short sightedness.

If my mum/MIL gave me advice on how to raise my kids, I'd accept it came from a place of love and concern, and take it or leave it as I saw fit, but only you know what your relationship with your son/daughter is and how your advice is likely to be received.

Fidgetty · 02/01/2022 17:38

If his dad is at work and his mum is busy making dinner then you should take the iPad away and engage him in play. If you're fun to be around he'll prefer playing with you than being on the screen. I wouldn't "say" anything to his parents about his screen time consumption as that's not your place but if you're truly concerned and not just judging then you should be entertaining him instead while his mum is busy cooking for you.