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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Grandson has too much screen time, is it my place to say?

352 replies

Halloweencat · 02/01/2022 17:03

I think my 5 year old grandson has too much screen time on a children's ipad. From what I've read it can be damaging to their eyes. His development is normal & he's doing very well at school. AIBU to say something, or tell him to put it down?

OP posts:
Thatsplentyjack · 02/01/2022 17:14

@Toottooot

Willing to bet this is a child of your son and not your daughter…
Exactly what I was thinking.
Malariahilaria · 02/01/2022 17:15

I think we all had higher standards before 2 years of a pandemic meant we had to work and live with kids that couldn't go anywhere or even to school at times. I'll admit mine have waaaay too much screen time now but if my MIL passed comment I'd give her a very hard Paddington bear stare and ask her what her plans were to entertain them on a rainy day with not much indoor centred play now possible.

CheshireChat · 02/01/2022 17:16

Rather than say anything, offer to take him out somewhere so the screen time gets limited naturally, you get to spend time together and no one's toes get stepped on.

duvetdayforeveryone · 02/01/2022 17:16

Could you sign him up for an activity subscription service, such as www.toucanbox.com

Doing an arty activity will keep him off the screen.

knittingaddict · 02/01/2022 17:16

Speaking as a grandmother, no. It's really none of your business.

Cocomarine · 02/01/2022 17:17

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

JohnSmithDrive · 02/01/2022 17:18

I think you can say no when you're minding him, but other than that no.

Linguini · 02/01/2022 17:18

It's ok to be concerned about screen time.
Especially if it's unsupervised.

I'd say a five year old should have limited screen time.

Obviously during the pandemic we've all been forced into screens as a substitute for the classroom, but really that's where screen time should start and end. As a support for education. Not as a replacement for actually doing things and engaging with the real world.

OP don't let the comments drag you down I think your concern is probably wise.

Just don't say anything!

Original poster
Halloweencat · 02/01/2022 17:19

He's been on it for the two hours we've been here today, & no doubt he's been on it throughout the day. Had a stack of presents for Xmas (not the ipad) & I've gently tried to encourage him to play with them whilst his mum cracks on with dinner; but he just wants the ipad. This is a regular thing. Is this healthy? And I've offered help in the kitchen, which understandably is not needed, I don't like help in my own kitchen either.
And before I get flamed too much I'm almost 60 & from an era when kids played with their toys instead of staring at a screen all day! I worry about the eye problems that I've read can develop from too much screen time

OP posts:
Cocomarine · 02/01/2022 17:20

@Halloweencat

He's been on it for the two hours we've been here today, & no doubt he's been on it throughout the day. Had a stack of presents for Xmas (not the ipad) & I've gently tried to encourage him to play with them whilst his mum cracks on with dinner; but he just wants the ipad. This is a regular thing. Is this healthy? And I've offered help in the kitchen, which understandably is not needed, I don't like help in my own kitchen either. And before I get flamed too much I'm almost 60 & from an era when kids played with their toys instead of staring at a screen all day! I worry about the eye problems that I've read can develop from too much screen time
Well surely the obvious thing is that dad plays with him? That’ll get him off the iPad.
User342354252 · 02/01/2022 17:22

If "eye damage" is your top worry then you should also be protecting him from sun, salt, sugar, pollution, BPAs, red meat, processed meat, non-organic food and all the other things proven to be damaging to human organs. Or you must tell the parents to limit those things in his life the same way you would with screen time. If you can't do all that, then you need to back off.

Also the worst damage screens can do is cause myopia, which can also occur from reading or using the eyes from a short distance. Many people are genetically predisposed to short-sightedness so it's impossible to prove how much damage would have occurred with it without screens.

And if you ask anyone with extreme short sightedness (like myself), it's literally the last thing that bothers them in everyday life. You just wear your glasses or contact lenses and that's it. I certainly don't waste a single second of my time lamenting about how my parents "destroyed" my eyesight by allowing me to watch TV as a child, or how much better my life would be if I weren't short-sighted.

ufucoffee · 02/01/2022 17:23

OP I'm the same age as you and I hate seeing children with their faces stuck on screens for a long time so I'm with you. But unless it's your daughter's child, say nothing. If it is your daughter's child, it depends on the relationship you have with her as to if you can say something or not.

Original poster
Halloweencat · 02/01/2022 17:23

@Cocomarine
A little bit too invested if you're doing a search on me! Why is it curious, and how have you managed on your head to link my son & grandson? Apart from being uncle & nephew what does my son have to do with my question?

OP posts:
Cbtb · 02/01/2022 17:24

For most parents screen time is away to get the kid to not trash the house while you make dinner or have a shower or similar -

just read your post where your their and mum is making dinner. If you think the kid is on the screen too much why don’t tou play with your grandkid ffs. My kid loves pad but loves granny more - if you want kid to play with your rather than be on the device it’s up to you to up the fun levels of your play! Not get their mum to do it - she wants to get the dinner made for guests.

chris8888 · 02/01/2022 17:24

Not your child so ask parents what is allowed if he stays with you.

runningfromtheoutlaws · 02/01/2022 17:24

Noooooooo

Original poster
Halloweencat · 02/01/2022 17:24

@Cocomarine
His dad is at work all day today, not sitting here ignoring him....

OP posts:
mintbiscuit · 02/01/2022 17:25

Christ! No. Just no.

(And clearly you should heed your own advice as you are on mumsnet at their home!)

jesuistot · 02/01/2022 17:25

He's been on it for the two hours we've been here today, & no doubt he's been on it throughout the day.

Why no doubt or just assumption? Sometimes my DC will have spent the day outdoors and playing with toys no screen time, then sat with an iPad later on when visitors are over.

00100001 · 02/01/2022 17:25

I think that generally kids shouldn't have unlimited access to tablets. Because they're addictive and can become all consuming

However, it's not your place to say anything in this scenario. Sorry.

However, you could perhaps, do a couple of things in the future, you could get him outside and no screens there. Or ask him to show you what he's doing, and get him to teach you his games etc.

hivemindneeded · 02/01/2022 17:25

It's not your place to say this. But it is your place to say, 'Come and play a game with granny. Let's build Lego, let's junk model a spaceship, let's play hide and seek, let's bake cookies, let's go for a bike ride to the park.' etc.

If you think he's on screens too much, do fun things with him while you are around.

christmascharade · 02/01/2022 17:26

YANBU but most of us are defensive about this as we know our DC are on too long.

DD has glasses and the optician said it was because of too much time on screens, so yes, being on screens all the time can harm your eyes.

We should all take regular breaks from screens and look at something far away, but I know it often doesn't happen in reality. I am bad at remembering to do this myself. (And my eyesight is deteriorating).

Perhaps tell your DC that you'd love to spend some time playing with your DGS and his new toys, but you can't get him to come off the iPad and could they help facilitate it?

Or could you maybe take him out for a walk or a play in the garden while his mum is making dinner?

sirfredfredgeorge · 02/01/2022 17:27

From what I've read it can be damaging to their eyes

There is no evidence that screen time damages eyes. There is a strong correlation between lack of outdoor bright light time and short-sightedness, but what you do when you are not outside in the bright light (probably focusing on things far away) does not matter.

Your opinions on the amount of "screen time" are no more valid than the parents.

JarvisCockersRightEyebrow · 02/01/2022 17:27

Keep your beak out! Not your child, not your place.

Hospedia · 02/01/2022 17:27

It's 100% none of your business.