To expect a 5 and 8 year old to be able to pack their own overnight bag?

[CrumpledCrumpet]

I’ve asked 8 and 5yo DS’s to pack PJs and a change of clothes in a bag about half an hour ago. Despite increasingly stroppy reminders from me to stay on task, no progress is being made. AIBU to expect children of their age to be able to do this? I’m exasperated!

@saraclara

Doing everything for your child is lazier than teaching them

Exactly. And results in the same people posting here a decade later about their teenagers being helpless.

Absolutely. Totally agree.

And do you know what? I'm exhausted and they have the time and motivation. I told my 6 and 7 yr old to clean up after dinner yesterday. I usually do it but couldn't face it and needed to do other jobs. They worked together and I was so proud. Never expected them to clear all surfaces, wipe everything down, sweep floor, tidy non kitchen items away. But they did because when I do it I sometimes talk them through what I'm doing in the hope some of it sinks in.

My 12 year-old can reliably pick his own bag. My 10 year-old can, but will get distracted and require multiple reminders to actually do it at some point this year. My 5 year-old will shove in any random crap and claim he’s done it, as well as distracting the other two. It’s usually easier if I get the older two to do theirs and then help the youngest with his - they’re actually quite efficient when dealing with his stuff rather than their own.

It’s definitely not just a wind-them-up-and-let-them-go task!

I have a family member who has insisted that her children can do everything for themselves since a young age. They are now pre-teens and still turn up at their grandparents’ without most of the things they need for an overnight stay. The grandparents then have to go out and buy extra and the parents shrugs and says ‘we’ll they should have been able to do it.’ You definitely need to double check, otherwise you’re creating work/stress for yourself or someone else.

The last time I asked my 6 year old to help pack an overnight bag for a sleep over at nanny’s we ended up with 2 barbies, swim suit, a book, a kinder egg and socks …
Off she went 😂 (only joking, I did repack on the sly)

I think for that sort of task sending them individually works much much better. Sending multiple children at the same time always, in my experience, massively increases the faffing time.

I let my then 7yo pack her own bag for a flight (not clothes... just stuff to keep them occupied like books and colouring).
Scissors were confiscated at security. She thought she would do a bit of seeing on the plane. Security thought it was cute fortunately!

Doing everything for your child is lazier than teaching them

Exactly. And results in the same people posting here a decade later about their teenagers being helpless.

And the women posting about their useless husbands (confirmed earlier by one who's husband struggles to pack a change of clothes at 60)*

@MajorCarolDanvers

Doing everything for your child is lazier than teaching them

Exactly. And results in the same people posting here a decade later about their teenagers being helpless.

And the women posting about their useless husbands (confirmed earlier by one who's husband struggles to pack a change of clothes at 60)*

Explains so many threads

@liveforsummer

For context yesterday my 8 year old went and caught her share point from the field alone, brought it down and tied it with a quick release knot. Removed rugs brushed it and remembered to pick out all 4 feet. Put on bridle and saddle, fitted cross nose and correctly, remembered to check reins weren't under before doing up breastplate straps, remembered to check the flap under the girth buckles wasn't caught in saddle pad. Afterwards she was able to put on rugs checking all buckles , fill hay net put down bed, hose legs. The only thing I had to do was get saddle down and put up on rack as it's too high and check the girth tightness before she got on.To imagine she couldn't manage to put 2 basic outfits in a bag when directed is absurd.

That is the most competitive post I have ever read on MN and it is a hotly contested title. Well done!!! 👏

Competitive? 😆 No competition there just an example of what 8 year olds can easily do if given the chance. Yours could do it as well, I'm not saying mine is better. Yours could also put some clothes in a bag if given the chance.

Fine to ask but unreasonable to think they wouldn't need some help/ guidance with it. My 5 and 7 will do over night bags but that is with me helping/ reminding and checking as we do it together. Normally I send them up to start then go up about five/ten minutes later to check progress and help.

I don't think it's unreasonable. My kids have backpacks they pack to take to granny's for a weekend stay. Clothes for day and pjs and they get the independence to choose which things they want to take. Needs to he checked and toothbrushes etc added but any help is worthwhile and worth getting them into the routine of organising these for these trips and more generally. If they were at home they'd be choosing their own outfits so don't see this as much different.

saraclara
Doing everything for your child is lazier than teaching them

Exactly. And results in the same people posting here a decade later about their teenagers being helpless.

Sigh

Why is the opposite of not leaving still quite small kids to packing for themselves "doing everything for them" it isn't. Teaching them involves showing them how & supervising them doing it until they get it right & do it alone. Why is that so bloody hard to understand. We are not mollycoddling our kids, we are accepting that they are not yet fully developed adults & so need help from time to time, surely that is how We teach them & how to do it properly & easily.

I've said earlier that my DD couldn't at 5, but would be better by 8 but not perfect. That's not because she couldn't get her head around choosing & packing, she could, she's just too fashion orientated, since about 16 months old. My leaving her to it & saying pack an overnight bag of xyz, didn't mean she can't, it meant she couldn't be trusted to concentrate on task without supervision. Or perhaps in her case, concentrates too much on task as she'd have a fashion parade trying on outfits & prancing in front of the mirror deciding & then leave a heap on the floor, so her room would be a bomb site for the sake of an overnight bag. My supervising, but letting her do for herself got it done in a timely manner without the mess her teen self is exactly the bloody same & can't get dressed without a fashion parade first

Mine are slightly older at 6 and 8 so this year I've started getting them to do this themselves (1-2 nights they are away). We make a list together and i sit in the room while they do it. Teddies and onesies are the last to go and it's always a last min thing that I leave to them. Youngest sorts it no probs but the oldest always forgets. I feel it's a good life lesson but it has shown me the impact of different personalities, youngest picks up the responsibility whereas (like his dad) oldest just assumed someone else will fix it for him.

Neurotypical 8 year old yes, with an adult checking at the end and providing prompting for forgotten items. Even better, some adult scaffolding before the task such as asking child to write a list of what needs to go in the bag and tick them off when packed.

Neurotypical 5 year old - no. Would expect them to be doing it with supervision and prompting. Adult writes the list and gets child to read (if able) and find the items, perhaps.

Surely a 5 year old can understand picking a pair of PJs to wear tonight and putting it in a bag. The change of clothes for the next day probably requires some more explanation and help the first couple of times but shouldn't be too difficult

My DC could do this but it would take lots of prompting and cajoling. And my DC bicker constantly, too. So would probably just do it myself. I usually get my eldest to organise iPads and chargers and younger ones to get toys or books to take when we go on a journey.

My teenager yes, younger ones I'd do it for them because they'd forget something.

Are you winding us up? An 8 year-old could be supervised in packing a bag, depending on their maturity, but a 5 year-old? Are you really that lazy? What else do you begrudge doing for your children? Bloody hell!

It's lazier to do everything for your children instead of teaching them how to.
And yes, giving your children a bag and telling them exactly what 5 items they need to put in the bag is teaching them how to pack an overnight bag.

Are you winding us up? An 8 year-old could be supervised in packing a bag, depending on their maturity, but a 5 year-old? Are you really that lazy? What else do you begrudge doing for your children? Bloody hell!

How on earth is it lazy to instill a bit of self-sufficiency in your DC? Numerous posters on this thread have said their 5yo can manage this with a bit of checking. Mine included. It's not lazy in the slightest - there's very few parents of small children who are lazy! It's nigh on impossible unless you're literally neglectful.

@RockinHorseShit

saraclara Doing everything for your child is lazier than teaching them

Exactly. And results in the same people posting here a decade later about their teenagers being helpless.

Sigh

Why is the opposite of not leaving still quite small kids to packing for themselves "doing everything for them" it isn't. Teaching them involves showing them how & supervising them doing it until they get it right & do it alone. Why is that so bloody hard to understand. We are not mollycoddling our kids, we are accepting that they are not yet fully developed adults & so need help from time to time, surely that is how We teach them & how to do it properly & easily.

I've said earlier that my DD couldn't at 5, but would be better by 8 but not perfect. That's not because she couldn't get her head around choosing & packing, she could, she's just too fashion orientated, since about 16 months old. My leaving her to it & saying pack an overnight bag of xyz, didn't mean she can't, it meant she couldn't be trusted to concentrate on task without supervision. Or perhaps in her case, concentrates too much on task as she'd have a fashion parade trying on outfits & prancing in front of the mirror deciding & then leave a heap on the floor, so her room would be a bomb site for the sake of an overnight bag. My supervising, but letting her do for herself got it done in a timely manner without the mess her teen self is exactly the bloody same & can't get dressed without a fashion parade first

I may be speaking out of turn here but I imagine the replies are more to those who have just flat out said parents should just pack for the kids. At least those were the posts I was shocked about.

What you’ve suggested is the way to get them to be independent, I.e start by supervising and then they’ll start doing it by themselves as they grow.

Again, there’s a difference between capability and kids actually wanting to do it. In my experience, given the chance they are more capable than we think. However they are still kids so prone to mess around or make a fuss about having to do it without incentive.

@liveforsummer

Competitive? 😆 No competition there just an example of what 8 year olds can easily do if given the chance. Yours could do it as well, I'm not saying mine is better. Yours could also put some clothes in a bag if given the chance.

I don't think mine hold much interest in share points