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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect a 5 and 8 year old to be able to pack their own overnight bag?

491 replies

CrumpledCrumpet · 02/01/2022 11:25

I’ve asked 8 and 5yo DS’s to pack PJs and a change of clothes in a bag about half an hour ago. Despite increasingly stroppy reminders from me to stay on task, no progress is being made. AIBU to expect children of their age to be able to do this? I’m exasperated!

OP posts:
Fidgetty · 02/01/2022 17:26

Yep my 5yo can do this and does it regularly but I'll always have to check as she can otherwise put some really random stuff in there Grin we regularly go to stay with family though so she's used to it. If my family was close by and we only went away once or twice a year then I imagine it may be more difficult for her.

HeavyHeidi · 02/01/2022 17:26

Timely thread. DD (6yo) had a friend over on Friday. When mum came to pick the friend up, the girls came downstairs and asked if DD can go to friend's place for a sleepover. And she already had her overnight bag packed - PJs, change of clothes including socks and underwear, toothbrush, I checked.
DD is an average child, not in any way advanced. Could still figure out what clothes she puts on every morning and put them in her bag. You are not unreasonable.

Ileflottante · 02/01/2022 17:26

Do we think some parents instinctively have different expectations of girls from boys?

GrumpyLivesInMyHouseNow · 02/01/2022 17:27

My db would expect this of his dc, I remember once his youngest pulling out of her bag her school uniform when camping in Wales

liveforsummer · 02/01/2022 17:28

@Ileflottante

Do we think some parents instinctively have different expectations of girls from boys?
If the 60 year old husband is anything to go by I'd say yes!
BoredZelda · 02/01/2022 17:29

My 60 year old husband can manage this. Just

Probably because his parents never insisted he did it himself.

Thethuthinang · 02/01/2022 17:30

My son started packing for himself when he was four. He would ask me to leave his room. I went along with this as I was curious to see what would happen. Once, he arrived at grandparents with a suitcase full of picture books and a teddy. More often, one or two key items would be missing, like socks or PJs. I didn't mind shopping at our destination, so it was all good, really.

budgiegirl · 02/01/2022 17:31

An 8 year old? Absolutely!

A 5 year old - maybe, with a list or some help.

Either way, I'd check after to make sure they'd put the correct things in.

I'm a cub leader, and I expect my cubs (8 to 10 year olds) to pack their own things for cub camp (with a list and a quick check from parents to make sure everything is there).

It's frustrating to find out that parents have packed the cubs kit, as it means that the cub has no idea what they have or where to find it! It's amazing how many will say 'But mum didn't pack a torch/socks/clean underwear"!

I know that parents think they are helping by doing it for their child, but it just causes confusion for the cubs, and more work for the leaders, who are busy enough without having to dig though rucksacks for torches that may or may not be there!

8 year olds are far more capable that most parents give them credit for, if given half a chance to try things for themselves

RantyAunty · 02/01/2022 17:33

From some of the replies on here, parent seem to have forgotten they are actually supposed to teach their children how to do things.

Doing it for them is easier for you but failing at parenting.

PinkSyCo · 02/01/2022 17:35

My son started packing for himself when he was four. He would ask me to leave his room. I went along with this as I was curious to see what would happen. Once, he arrived at grandparents with a suitcase full of picture books and a teddy. More often, one or two key items would be missing, like socks or PJs. I didn't mind shopping at our destination, so it was all good, really.

So instead of checking that he’d packed properly you’d rather waste time and money shopping for things he doesn’t need at the other end? How strange.

FindingMeno · 02/01/2022 17:35

No way!
I can barely pack a bag and remember everything!

thickthighs73 · 02/01/2022 17:39

@FindingMeno

No way! I can barely pack a bag and remember everything!
Lol tell me about it! I have a tick list on my phone for such occasions.
MajorCarolDanvers · 02/01/2022 17:44

Exactly- show them what to do instead of going online to moan?

Golly - have you never had a moan on MNs.

Have a medal. 🏅

Bumblefuzz · 02/01/2022 17:44

I asked my 11yo DD to bring me the clothes that she wanted to take on holiday, last summer. We ended up with 2 hoodies, a pair of jeans, a pair of tights, 3 pairs of socks and a pair of pants.

When she was 5 it would have probably been 2 pairs of pants and 25 teddies 😂

bettyboodecia · 02/01/2022 17:45

8 - fine.

5 - fine... if you mean a bag of cuddly toys and nothing else...

liveforsummer · 02/01/2022 17:46

@FindingMeno

No way! I can barely pack a bag and remember everything!
Really for ONE night away where everything is sorted except something to sleep in and a basic outfit for then next day? A prefect example think of why we absolutely should encourage these things from early childhood. How have you got this far without being able to manage that? Do you work? How do you get by day to day?
User48751490 · 02/01/2022 17:46

@JuneOsborne

A five year old? No way.
Same with my 6yo. He would need supervision.
WelshRain · 02/01/2022 17:50

I tell my children (12, 9 & 5) to pack for themselves but I would always check afterwards (maybe not the 12 yr old).

I give them direction though. 5 pairs of pants, 3 t shirts etc. They have a packing cube each which helps.

I realised last year I do too much for them and it wasn't helpful long term. As a PP says, how else will they learn?

hoomama · 02/01/2022 17:54

My eldest is 4 and if I told her what she needed to pack then she w

CoopsMalloops · 02/01/2022 17:54

@MajorCarolDanvers

Exactly- show them what to do instead of going online to moan?

Golly - have you never had a moan on MNs.

Have a medal. 🏅

Thank you 😊
hoomama · 02/01/2022 17:55

Then she would definitely be able to do it (although she would also pack 100 teddies, half her toys, 6 headbands etc), but she would be able to do it.

So I imagine 8 should be fine to do it?

FindingMeno · 02/01/2022 17:57

@liveforsummer yes I work.
I have a bag containing essentials for daily use.
More than that I need a list, or I would forget something.

LemonDrizzles · 02/01/2022 18:00

Perhaps with an image checklist. And if they are heading to a place that they are keen to go. My 3/4 year old was once able to get himself dressed for the week we were near a beach. The next week back at home, I could not even get him to take off his pjs...

ringoutthebells · 02/01/2022 18:00

I don't think they are too young to have a go, but I wouldn't be getting in a strop if they didn't manage it, for ANY reason. I'd gladly help them. I'd always give a check anyway to make sure nothing obvious missed too.

ringoutthebells · 02/01/2022 18:02

With caveat that dd is quite clear-minded about what she wants to wear / do most days. Another child may be less interested/motivated.

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