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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect a 5 and 8 year old to be able to pack their own overnight bag?

491 replies

CrumpledCrumpet · 02/01/2022 11:25

I’ve asked 8 and 5yo DS’s to pack PJs and a change of clothes in a bag about half an hour ago. Despite increasingly stroppy reminders from me to stay on task, no progress is being made. AIBU to expect children of their age to be able to do this? I’m exasperated!

OP posts:
Tonkerbea · 02/01/2022 18:03

My 7 year old does this no problem. My 4.5 year old, not so much. Maturity levels differ so much in children.

notacooldad · 02/01/2022 18:04

I would expect an 8 year old to be able to pack for an overnight. I would have a cursory glance to make sure.
I would expect a 5 year old to have a good start at packing but may not get it totally right which is understandable.
However mine went to cubs and had a lot of camps so they were good at packing.
We also had a lot of back packing holidays from them being an early age and they had their own mini rucksacks with stuff in. They often learned the hard way that if they forgot something, well tough luck. (Nothing essential but maybe a particular book or t shirt)

G5000 · 02/01/2022 18:05

OP gave her children a list:
PJ’s
joggers
t-shirt
pants and socks

Short and simple. Picture checklist would be a bit of an overkill.

Jenniferturkington · 02/01/2022 18:07

My 9 year old packed for two nights at her Nan’s recently. She took all the cuddly toys, a blanket, several knickers and crop tops, and the outfit she was wearing 🤔
She is a high functioning child who has travelled lots. Therefore YABU expecting a five year old to even get close!

TruJay · 02/01/2022 18:23

Completely depends on whether they have actually been shown how to do this. It’s easy to get frustrated at your kids when they won’t do what you’ve asked but if they’ve never been shown, how can you expect them to just go do something?

It’s such a simple task for us adults to go pack an overnight bag but we have done it many times and we have the knowledge to think, ok I’ll need clean underwear and socks, fresh outfit, toothbrush, deodorant etc whereas a child would probably think I’ll take my teddy, colouring book, favourite toy etc

A better way to do it would be to say, go choose a pair of pjs from your drawer to take to grandma’s house and put them in this bag, ok now go choose some undies and socks and put them in the bag. When they’ve done that for a while and understand the task, they’ll be able to do it independently.

My kids are both autistic so this is how we have to approach all tasks as anything else is just overloading them. They are eventually able to complete small tasks independently.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 02/01/2022 18:29

My DS started Cubs at 8 and kids were expected to pack their bags on their own for a few nights stay from a list. I did check and help with trickier things like torch. So I think 8 year if with list should be fine. I'd definitely help 5 year old.

G5000 · 02/01/2022 18:29

we have the knowledge to think, ok I’ll need clean underwear and socks, fresh outfit, toothbrush, deodorant etc

OP gave her DC a bag and said: Put PJ's, joggers, t-shirt, pants and socks in here. She did not expect them to figure it out.

Skiptheheartsandflowers · 02/01/2022 18:37

@G5000

we have the knowledge to think, ok I’ll need clean underwear and socks, fresh outfit, toothbrush, deodorant etc

OP gave her DC a bag and said: Put PJ's, joggers, t-shirt, pants and socks in here. She did not expect them to figure it out.

So was OP planning to pack their toothbrushes for them? Did she forget that bit? Or was that going to be a 'gotcha' moment of learning for them?
sweetbellyhigh · 02/01/2022 18:49

@lollipoprainbow

So joyless let kids be kids without packing a bag being a military operation !! There's plenty of time for them to pack their own bags in the future.
Kids being kids usually means kids re-enacting what the see adults do. Most kids would be excited to pack a bag if the task is presented to them as a fun thing to do. Doing things for kids isn't a great approach, letting them learn is the best way.
FindingMeno · 02/01/2022 18:51

@Skiptheheartsandflowers exactly!
It's the toiletries,hairbrush/ hairbands, reading book, suitable clothing and footwear, chargers and devices ( if used), spare underwear/socks, belt if needed, etc etc that is the bitty but necessary part of packing.

sweetbellyhigh · 02/01/2022 18:51

@G5000

we have the knowledge to think, ok I’ll need clean underwear and socks, fresh outfit, toothbrush, deodorant etc

OP gave her DC a bag and said: Put PJ's, joggers, t-shirt, pants and socks in here. She did not expect them to figure it out.

It's too many things to remember. Pack your PJs. Great! Now pack your joggers and tee shirt...
scooterbear · 02/01/2022 18:52

Hahaha. My 14 year old can't reliably pack her overnight bag and she's been doing it since she was 8 twice a week to go to her dads.

AppleButterfly · 02/01/2022 18:54

YANBU
My 4 year old would go grab PJ'S and a spare outfit without any trouble. I'm amazed anyone thinks is too much to ask for either but especially the 8 year old.

Mummy7777 · 02/01/2022 19:00

An overnight bag is really quite simple for both my kids if I tell them we are staying 1 night. My 5 year old son can do and so can my 7 year old daughter.

PetsL · 02/01/2022 19:03

Yanbu, my kids can do this easily, same ages. Kids are different but I'm surprised by the mollycoddling on this thread...

UndertheCedartree · 02/01/2022 19:06

My 9 yo can pack for a few days and could at 8 but not completely independently at 5.

G5000 · 02/01/2022 19:14

It's the toiletries,hairbrush/ hairbands, reading book, suitable clothing and footwear, chargers and devices ( if used)

As OP was going with the DC and only told them what items they need to pack, yes I would assume she took care of the rest.

liveforsummer · 02/01/2022 19:27

So was OP planning to pack their toothbrushes for them? Did she forget that bit? Or was that going to be a 'gotcha' moment of learning for them?

I usually do the wash bag if we are going away together as it all goes in one bag and I have more stuff to put in. (Although actually Dd1 did it for all of us last time) On the occasions only one is going I'll ask if they've remembered their toothbrush

Christinatherabbit · 02/01/2022 19:38

@Jenniferturkington

My 9 year old packed for two nights at her Nan’s recently. She took all the cuddly toys, a blanket, several knickers and crop tops, and the outfit she was wearing 🤔 She is a high functioning child who has travelled lots. Therefore YABU expecting a five year old to even get close!
But yet my 5 year old is more than capable (and regularly does) pack an overnight bag with appropriate outfit for the next day, pjs and even remembers a toothbrush and flannel. I of course always double check but it really does depend on the child!
Bonnylassie · 02/01/2022 19:46

My 9 year old packs her own overnight bag, she needs a reminder to pack her toiletries and meds but 8/10 she has them. My 7 year old needs a list and he will come back down a few times to say I have packed x what am I missing. The 9 year old will be able to pack for her two week holiday in June, I suspect the 7 year old will get bored/distracted and I will need to help him. We are used to travelling from Scotland to England to see grandparents, plus holiday so we are practiced at this.

Christinatherabbit · 02/01/2022 19:49

@FindingMeno

No way! I can barely pack a bag and remember everything!
I am assuming you were never taught this stuff as a child? All the more reason it is important to start early 🤦‍♀️
Original poster
CrumpledCrumpet · 02/01/2022 19:56

@liveforsummer

So was OP planning to pack their toothbrushes for them? Did she forget that bit? Or was that going to be a 'gotcha' moment of learning for them?

I usually do the wash bag if we are going away together as it all goes in one bag and I have more stuff to put in. (Although actually Dd1 did it for all of us last time) On the occasions only one is going I'll ask if they've remembered their toothbrush

Yes I’d sorted out washbag and all the other bits and bobs we needed.
OP posts:
FindingMeno · 02/01/2022 20:04

@Christinatherabbit I don't think I was, thinking about it.

Cocogreen · 02/01/2022 20:06

You're being an optimist rather than U!
The only way I'd do it is to give them each a list to mark off and get the 8 y o to help the 5 y o .

Halfwreckedbykids · 02/01/2022 20:15

Mine at 8 could, scouts so drilled into them. (I m their leader)
To be honest they don't think the way we do and we need to help them.
I've often packed extras for mine...its just learning. Course I m thinking about camp so bit more prep than an overnight in a house.
I m all for making them independent bit at 5, just no.
I ve cubs 9 to 12and I, as a leader pack extra for those who forget.
It's a fine line, inpendance is good but not at 5 and 8 and not right now...cut them slackand mafe a list.
I didn't know mine were dyslexic/had dyspraxia till this year so changed how I looked at it all.
The MOST important thing is to be kind and give them security. Doesn't really matter thT they can't packa bag at 5? I don't think so...at 5 I was still nurturing mine, your a lo g time as a grown up...be a kid and love them

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