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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect a 5 and 8 year old to be able to pack their own overnight bag?

491 replies

CrumpledCrumpet · 02/01/2022 11:25

I’ve asked 8 and 5yo DS’s to pack PJs and a change of clothes in a bag about half an hour ago. Despite increasingly stroppy reminders from me to stay on task, no progress is being made. AIBU to expect children of their age to be able to do this? I’m exasperated!

OP posts:
MajorCarolDanvers · 02/01/2022 16:50

@Iggly

How will they learn if mummy does everything?

They learn by being taught - teaching = showing and guiding.

Exactly. Not by doing it for them.
Briarshollow · 02/01/2022 16:51

Why are people so shocked? What is unreasonable about kids that age essentially following a list? Eight is not ‘tiny’ FFS.

My one year old can follow a basic list if I ask him to collect me a few different things. Confused.

Some posters set their bar very low for their children, or they convince themselves “mummy must do it for you, darling”, because they can’t stand the idea of their kid’s independence.

INeedNewShoes · 02/01/2022 16:55

4 yo DD packs her own clothes but she’s always been into stuff like that.

I wouldn’t expect her to do it if she was busy involved in something else.

AliceMcK · 02/01/2022 16:57

I think definitely asking too much. I packed all my 7 & 9yos stuff for a trip last week, admittedly it’s because I wanted certain outfits for evenings out. They probably could have dont it but I wouldn’t have been happy with their choice of outfits, I wouldn’t care during the day but we had events booked in the evenings.I also did my 4yos bag, she kindly “helped” by packing a separate case I thought was full of toys and just told my DH to put in the car as I didn’t care what was in it. I was in a bad mood when doing all this, I’m usually really organised but I was having a bad flare and left everything until the last minute, I’d asked my DH to check certain things were clean to take, he said they were when in fact they wernt and I couldn’t find anything in the DCs room as it was a bomb site. Anyway, I have to say once we got away I was totally great full to my 4yo as she actually had the foresight to pack things she could actually wear including underwear, were as I’d just thrown random things in as I’d had enough and we were already late setting off.

Rno3gfr · 02/01/2022 16:58

It’s laughable that NT children over the age of 8 aren’t expected to pack their own overnight bags. Teach them what they need, guide them and they can do it from a young age. Stop doing everything for your children until the age of 16. It’s lazy parenting and yet many of these parents are on their high horses- you’re not helping your children in any way.

deplorabelle · 02/01/2022 16:58

DS1 was ridiculously capable and at 8 would happily pack his own bag, then help supervise his younger brother (who would have been 5 and probably able to do it with help but why bother trying when big brother will do it for you?)

There was a certain amount of random item packing which I was fine with, so long as they had packed the right number of pants and socks, pyjamas and toothbrush, and the bag could also close. I did regret this one year when they brought a suitcase full of encyclopedias to read and I had to sprint for the ferry carrying it, but it's their prerogative to bring what they want as well as what they need.

liveforsummer · 02/01/2022 16:59

Some posters set their bar very low for their children, or they convince themselves “mummy must do it for you, darling”, because they can’t stand the idea of their kid’s independence.

Absolutely, then you get people stating this is a struggle for their 60 year old husbands- really?!. Nightwear and a change of clothes!!. Who packs for them for a 2 week holiday and why is one adult capable but the other not? All adults should be able to pack for anything indiscriminately and all 5 year olds outside of ASN should be able to fetch items and place them in a bag with basic instructions. I feel the 2 things are linked when neither can

Classicblunder · 02/01/2022 17:01

@Benjispruce5

I work with children of 5 and 8. Lots can’t remember one instruction let alone the thought and planning required to pack an overnight bag. Are these your children?
Following two step instructions was literally on my 2 year old's development check.
liveforsummer · 02/01/2022 17:01

I think definitely asking too much. I packed all my 7 & 9yos stuff for a trip last week, admittedly it’s because I wanted certain outfits for evenings out. They probably could have dont it but I wouldn’t have been happy with their choice of outfits

Couldn't you just say to pack those specific outfits if you wanted specific things?

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 02/01/2022 17:01

My 7 yo probably could as an exercise, ie I’d ask him to do it to keep him busy / give him a first attempt/ if he wanted to try , but I’d have to check it and put the proper stuff in afterwards. So I wouldn’t rely on him to, even for one night.

Obviously my 13 does! Probably started at about 10 or so.

A 5 yo is way too young to be expected to be able to do this, other than “playing at” doing it, with you coming and doing the real packing later.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 02/01/2022 17:02

My 7 yo is being assessed for adhd though so maybe that skews my view a bit!

saraclara · 02/01/2022 17:02

Seriously, I'm astonished at what low expectations many posters have of their kids.

As I said before, my kids would pack their stuff at that age. Note that I'm not saying for a minute that they'd have put in everything that they need at 5 and 8. That's why I or my DH would then look at their bags with them, praise them for what they'd done, and then talk about what they might need to add and why. Then each time they packed in the future, they'd be incrementally better at it because they'd learned the thought process (which a list wouldn't achieve).

The people who say that their ten year olds (and older) can't pack for themselves...well the reason is that you didn't teach them to.

Encouraging your kids to be independent and have a sense of achievement at an early age, is what makes them able and happy to do this stuff.

Rno3gfr · 02/01/2022 17:03

@JuergenSchwarzwald helping your 19 squeeze some stuff in a ruck sack isn’t exactly relevant to this thread? So what, you’re a better parent because you always get involved and ‘help’? Op is encouraging her children to be independent- that’s not a bad thing.

MrTumblesSpottyHag · 02/01/2022 17:04

My two are 6 and 9 and they've been reliably able to pack their own bags for at least the last couple of years. I just tell them how many days we're going for and double check they have clean knickers.
I deal with coats and wellies etc and other than that they can't get it too wrong, if they have to wear the same trousers because they forgot them then there's no harm done!
We go away on random trips fairly frequently though so they're well practiced.

Original poster
CrumpledCrumpet · 02/01/2022 17:04

So why didn't you do it with them?

I was initially hoping to save time (haha) by them packing the basics while I packed everything else, as I was hoping we could catch an earlier train - but that went out of the window after they faffed for so long (giving me time to vent on mumsnet while we waited for the next train!).

OP posts:
Dindundundundeeer · 02/01/2022 17:06

I think it’s fine. I would tell them what to include and it would need to be clear, but yes mine could do that.

IncessantNameChanger · 02/01/2022 17:06

I could t get in a froth over this. Ask them.twice then the third time put the bag on the bed as ask them.to choose each item. Mind you I have 4 kids and learnt to pick my battles years ago. If I got agitated every time my five year old didnt do exactly as asked I would have exploded by now under the stress.

LovePoppy · 02/01/2022 17:07

My 5 and 7 year olds have done this for at least a year

liveforsummer · 02/01/2022 17:08

@CrumpledCrumpet

So why didn't you do it with them?

I was initially hoping to save time (haha) by them packing the basics while I packed everything else, as I was hoping we could catch an earlier train - but that went out of the window after they faffed for so long (giving me time to vent on mumsnet while we waited for the next train!).

I hope you have a lovely trip. While i do ask my dc to do their bit I won't pretend it's never stressful but as they get older they are definitely better at it if you put the effort in and it becomes easier for all. It's a nice feeling when you get all the bums down on the train/plane seats
Sparkl · 02/01/2022 17:12

My 5yo could easily manage what you asked. With more vague instructions she would likely have a fairly good go at it and has done in the past for sleepovers, she would get as far as pjs, dressing gown, change of clothes, maybe some hair clips. She would probably get wash bag out but not include everything she needs in it. Depends how often they have to do it I imagine. We travel to stay with family fairly regularly.
By 8 I assume I’ll just have to check it over.

So YANBU, you weren’t expecting much really

CoopsMalloops · 02/01/2022 17:20

@Iggly

How will they learn if mummy does everything?

They learn by being taught - teaching = showing and guiding.

Exactly- show them what to do instead of going online to moan? 🤨
Ileflottante · 02/01/2022 17:21

Still shocked that a poster believes her 60-year-old husband can’t pack for himself. He’s got you well trained, that’s all.

mafted · 02/01/2022 17:22

YANBU, I'd expect to have to do a bit of a check through but mine have all been packing overnight bags from about 5.

Onthegrid · 02/01/2022 17:22

My now adult DC started packing an overnight bag at a young age as the often went for a sleepover at Grandma’s. It didn’t matter what they packed so they just got on with it.
When packing for trips I created a family list which was refined for each trip and they were involved with their packing from around these ages.
By the age of 10 they could pack for most eventualities, and I remember DC2 being bemused on her first school trip in year 6 where she knew exactly what was in her case, had it all in outfits / sections and a list, whereas her best friend had no idea what her mum had packed for her or how to repack for going home.

Just to add DC1 is not NT and whilst not a competent neat packer managed the task just fine.

duvetdayforeveryone · 02/01/2022 17:24

An 8yo if I print out a tick list they might be able to, but a 5yo wouldn't.

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