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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect a 5 and 8 year old to be able to pack their own overnight bag?

491 replies

CrumpledCrumpet · 02/01/2022 11:25

I’ve asked 8 and 5yo DS’s to pack PJs and a change of clothes in a bag about half an hour ago. Despite increasingly stroppy reminders from me to stay on task, no progress is being made. AIBU to expect children of their age to be able to do this? I’m exasperated!

OP posts:
LondonQueen · 02/01/2022 20:27

That's ridiculous, just pack for them and stop being lazy!

MajorCarolDanvers · 02/01/2022 20:49

@LondonQueen

That's ridiculous, just pack for them and stop being lazy!
Doing everything for your child is lazier than teaching them
expatmigrant · 02/01/2022 20:53

WTF I need to have stern word with my 21 year old DS Grin

CorsicaDreaming · 02/01/2022 20:55

My 8 year old DS always insists on packing his own bag and has done so for about 3 years...

It contains books, marmite rice cakes, soft toys, toy cars, iPad, charger, favourite blanket, onesie.

Never any pants, socks, toothbrush, clothes - that's my job apparently.

But I do like his love of packing the important things in life. In the past it used to just contain one extremely large T Rex soft toy. Zipped up. Done!

saraclara · 02/01/2022 21:00

Doing everything for your child is lazier than teaching them

Exactly. And results in the same people posting here a decade later about their teenagers being helpless.

daimbarsatemydogsbone · 02/01/2022 21:02

YABVU

HikingforScenery · 02/01/2022 21:02

Ridiculous. You’re not even supervising?

melj1213 · 02/01/2022 21:02

@LondonQueen

That's ridiculous, just pack for them and stop being lazy!
The lazy option is the one in which you just do something yourself because it is easier than taking the time and effort to actually teach the child to do it for themselves.

My DD really struggled when she was learning to tie her shoelaces, she could do it but it took her ages as she had to go through every step painfully slowly. I could have just tied them for her and been out of the door in 30 seconds but while it would have made my life easier, it would not have helped DD learn and I'd probably still be thing her shoes now. Instead I sat through those days where it took nearly 10 minutes for DD to tie a single shoelace and because she was allowed to do it herself and allowed to practice, which made it easier and quicker every time, now DD can tie her shoes in seconds.

smellooo · 02/01/2022 21:08

My five year old packs for a sleepover at her nans house, so I guess it depends on the child?

smellooo · 02/01/2022 21:09

But then if she said she didn't want to do it or could I do it, I would because she is 5

Sparklybanana · 02/01/2022 21:09

My 7 and 4 year old are perfectly capable of doing this? My 4 year old actually does a great job and rolls his clothes up in the suitcase. I asked him in the summer (just 4) because he was off to grandma and he just did it perfectly. I was expecting a whole load of random clothes but no. My 7 year old is the same but will pack a few more unreasonable clothes (summer dresses in winter). I'd say it entirely depends on the child. It's certainly not an impossible ask like the answers suggest. Mine actually love to do this because they are excited by the destination. I'm not complaining!

Thefrenchconnection1 · 02/01/2022 21:14

My neuro typical but very independent 5 yr old could but would sometimes forget something. She also could dust and empty a dishwasher. My SEN 7 year old packed his first bag this week without issue

Hobbitfeet32 · 02/01/2022 21:29

Mine are 8 and 10 and can pack their own bag for a few nights away. They’ve been doing it for a few years so with practice can now do it quite well. I would still double check and encourage them to also check they haven’t forgotten anything. Like with lots of tasks, you start small and build it up over time to help them become independent. The same way they are gradually taught to cook, put their washing away, empty the dishwasher etc and other household chores.

Christinatherabbit · 02/01/2022 21:51

[quote FindingMeno]@Christinatherabbit I don't think I was, thinking about it.[/quote]
I totally did this to my eldest (DS 22) and I regret it so much. He's really struggled with certain things like cooking and general stuff he should be more than capable of. I am trying hard not to make the same mistake with our other 5! I have learnt they are more than capable of doing things like put clothes in a bag or dress themselves

Christinatherabbit · 02/01/2022 21:59

@LondonQueen

That's ridiculous, just pack for them and stop being lazy!
No Being lazy is doing everything for your child because it's easier and quicker than actually taking the time to teach them how to do it themselves 🤷‍♀️
autieok · 02/01/2022 22:12

This may sound silly but have you taught them to pack a bag? Unless they know how they wouldn't be able to. I personally think they are a little young for this.

Dimondsareforever · 02/01/2022 22:19

8 yo yes imo. (But would need to be checked). I wouldn’t expect a 5 yo too. However if they want to, that’s great. Learning some independence (but again you would need to check).

My 7 yo has packed their own bag for a couple of years. But that’s because they want to. I wouldn’t expect it. (And I of course need to check! They normally pack half their wardrobe …!!!)

liveforsummer · 02/01/2022 22:32

@saraclara

Doing everything for your child is lazier than teaching them

Exactly. And results in the same people posting here a decade later about their teenagers being helpless.

And the women posting about their useless husbands (confirmed earlier by one who's husband struggles to pack a change of clothes at 60)
Thepineapplemystery · 02/01/2022 22:34

I could say to my 5yo "fetch me 3 pairs of underpants and 3 long sleeve tops" then once he'd done that "get 1 pair of pyjamas and 4 pairs of socks" until we had everything. But I couldn't just say "pyjamas and a change of clothes" he'd be unable to process that in to actual specifics.

Figmentofmyimagination · 02/01/2022 22:35

Fine if you want them to pack a binliner full of cuddly toys by way of essential luggage.

Fairunibutterfly · 02/01/2022 22:40

This thread is an eye opener. I really don’t get the comments of people telling you to pack for them.

As I said my kids are same age as yours and they are more than capable of following instructions of what to pack. Even my 5yo would know they need pjs.

However, whether they do it or are too lazy is another story. My kids help Pack picnic bags etc and I will usually ask them to help. If they’re messing about I’d just do it myself but I absolutely think you should ask them to help
In the first instance as you did as they need to learn to help you out and they’re at a good age to start learning. They are still a bit young so you may need to help out at this stage if they don’t do it.

We have recently started asking our dc to bring their plates into the kitchen after meals to get them into the habit of helping out. Sometimes they forget but at least they’re getting into the habit. We’ve also been getting them tidy up toys/games after they’ve finished for a little while too (which can be hit and miss).

dotsandco · 02/01/2022 22:42

Wow...some parents set exceptionally low expectations of their children! I'm beginning to see why my job is so difficult!!

I'd most certainly expect an 8 year old to be able to pack pyjamas and a single change of clothes without a fuss! And I know for a fact that my four year old granddaughter can do this with ease...because it's an expectation that's set, with simple to understand instructions.

I know that some 4/5 year olds might need a little guidance...but they absolutely can and should be shown (with minimum fuss!) how to do these simple tasks.

You really are making rods for your own backs, I despair!

deplorabelle · 03/01/2022 08:34

@Jenniferturkington

My 9 year old packed for two nights at her Nan’s recently. She took all the cuddly toys, a blanket, several knickers and crop tops, and the outfit she was wearing 🤔 She is a high functioning child who has travelled lots. Therefore YABU expecting a five year old to even get close!
Apart from lacking a toothbrush and socks, that's not too bad, so long as she wasn't expecting to get really muddy or anything. She'd definitely cope for two nights at a domestic (ie non-tent) location with this.
Plumedenom · 03/01/2022 09:06

Mine are five and ten and could definitely do this. But YABU to not expect a lot of faffing.

Santaslittlemelter · 03/01/2022 09:13

Mine do since 4-5. They are now 6, 7 and 8. I pack the 3 yr olds. And I do a final check with them before leaving such as 'do you have toothbrush, PJ's, pants and socks, spare outfit, teddy'. Usually one thing is missing but I don't do it for them, they need to right it themselves. I know my kids are way more independent than most. But they take pride in being able to do lots of stuff.

Our job is to teach our kids, not do everything for them. I'm their safety net, not their maid.