To be upset with partner over no engagement?

[bluenewyear23]

My partner and I have discussed marriage a lot over the years as something we both want to do - even down to details about the ceremony size etc. We’ve been more ‘seriously’ talking about it for last year and a half and he wants to do it in his own way - but soon. This still hasn’t happened 1.5 years on and I’m quite upset about it.
I’m now 3 months pregnant and we’ve just had our second fight about it. First fight was not long after finding out I’m pregnant - he suddenly said he doesn’t really want to get married and it’s not important to him. He has said ‘he will if I insist’ but in his own time/when he feels ready.

Obviously I’m not sure if I want to marry someone who doesn’t actually want to marry me for the right reasons. We’ve now fallen out I assume - as he’s taken the joint car, disappeared and turned his phone off.

I can’t help but feel a bit strung along, the timing of telling me he doesn’t want to get married once I’ve already gotten pregnant seems odd since we’ve spoken so much before about it.

Am I being unreasonable being so upset? Should I just wait and see if he does at some point in the future? Am I expecting too much?

Infuriating that if you question him or point out his behaviour he disappears. It's like he's trying to train you to put up with anything without question

When he realises he wont het all his own way, especially with naming the baby, he might start throwing around promises. Ignore them.

There is no guarantee she'll be the higher earner forever. Redundancies, ill health, and simply being a woman who is also a parent can change things overnight.

The storming off is so childish and embarrassing

Did he want a baby?

Yes the storming off is pathetic.

Going to the pub. You've got a right one there!

We know where this ends up.... :(

@Bonheurdupasse

Consider your pregnancy options.

Yep.

@bluenewyear23

Lots of good advice on this thread and the more you post about him, the more of a knob he sounds.

You really don't want to marry him. You can do much better.

OK, spotted that you are older and wanted a baby anyway. As long as you don't plan for a life with this man, you'll be fine. Don't let him use you.

Aside, another poster...
my DP had an enhanced package
I'm sorry, has he lost it? Sounded promising

He doesn’t sound like much of a prize to me.

If he’s like this now, it doesn’t bode well for when the baby arrives.

@oakleaffy

Sadly too many men don't want to get married, and are forced into it by their partners.. A war of attrition, nagging, tears, getting pregnant...the latter is a huge risk, but happens.

Why does marriage matter so much when many marriages end in expensive divorce after a few short years?

I'd never marry again after having a divorce, and I'm a woman.

They matter to the financially weaker partner or to a partner who plans not to work for a period of time. In this scenario getting married would not be a good choice, even if he was really up for it and pulling out all the stops.

In this case, and factoring in also that he's an arsehole and doesn't want to get married, the OP is far better off going it alone. There is no benefit whatsoever to pursuing marriage with this man.

Focus on you and your baby, let him fade away. You can do this

He doesn’t want to marry you. Listen when a man says that. They mean it.

If he won’t give you his last name, do not give your baby’s his.
Tough shit DP.

@JulieMcVie

It's HIS baby as well. The child deserves two parents. Enough of this modern self-entitlement that womaen spew.

This is irrelevant- the kid will have two parents. Nothing OP does will change that.

I think it’s quite normal to want marriage, don’t let people tell you otherwise. I do wish there had been a wedding before you conceived however it will be interesting to hear his reaction when he realises the baby won’t have his surname …

But yes, definitely a misogynist.

What’s more important to you…a piece of paper or love??? Do you need that ring on your finger to show each other how much you mean to one another??
Everyone is entitled to change their mind, including whether they want to get married or not. You need to think about what means more to you, a marriage or being with the person you love??

@JulieMcVie

Bet you tried to trap him with the baby. Backfired, didn't it?

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