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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Feel so sad 🥺

185 replies

Sammybammy123 · 01/01/2022 09:34

Hey ladies

Have spent NYE and today fairly upset
I have been seeing a guy 36/M for a month or two
We had sex on Thursday night and I stayed over - he asked me if I wanted to go to his for New Years eve as he would be by himself with the dog

I was so excited

Anyone the morning after first time sex things seemed normal and he said ‘i will see you later’. Anyway I texted him to ask if we are still on for tonight in the afternoon. No response. He called me about seven to say he had decided to spent the evening alone as he had such a tough year.

He asked if I wanted to see him Sunday instead.

I said OK. This lead to a brief conversation about relationship - It was very light and brief and just involved is both agreeing we are not seeing others and he says ‘he is just going with the flow’ and ‘barely thinks about a future’.

I tried to make NYE plans with others but was so upset that I just ended up having glass of wine and going to bed.

He did not text me again over night and no communication this morning.

I am so upset

AIBU

🥺

OP posts:
Theballoonsinthesky · 01/01/2022 09:40

Hope you're ok. 2 months is no time at all to be honest. Get in touch with some friends and have some fun, if it is meant to happen with this guy it will just don't rush

Aprilx · 01/01/2022 09:42

I might be slightly disappointed but that is about it. You hadn’t made any plans, with him or friends by Thursday so it can’t be that big of a deal for you.

Neither of you are seeing other people, he said he is going with the flow after a month or two, seems reasonable, better than love bombing you.

Hunderland · 01/01/2022 10:21

If he wanted to see you he would have made the effort. Hold your head high, keep your pride and block him - move on.

Butchyrestingface · 01/01/2022 10:28

Do you have any family or friends you could spend NY day with?

TerraNovaTwo · 01/01/2022 10:31

Sorry, OP, he has been using you for sex. As upsetting as it is, you need to realise this and ditch him. A person who sees a future with you will care how you feel. Period.

AwesomeMom344 · 01/01/2022 10:33

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

inmyslippers · 01/01/2022 10:34

So sorry op. Have a pamper day and plan something to look
Forward to x

MissNothing1991 · 01/01/2022 10:34

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. We've removed this because it quotes a previously deleted post.

Newyearoldyou · 01/01/2022 10:35

Op I don't blame you for feeling upset.
He sounds very wrapped up in himself his problems and who knows if he is being truthful about being alone to think about them?.

Be aware. Sad

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 01/01/2022 10:35

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. We've removed this because it quotes a previously deleted post.

oviraptor21 · 01/01/2022 10:35

At two months it's way too soon to be expecting any kind of thoughts about the future. Just go with the flow or not. Depends how much you like this guy. He's been honest with you. If you do need to block him at least do him the courtesy of telling him first. He doesn't deserve to be ghosted.

LightBulbous · 01/01/2022 10:36

@AwesomeMom344 I’ve reported your comment. That’s disgusting.

Pumperthepumper · 01/01/2022 10:37

The tough year comment sounds like he’s struggling, I think you should try and be a bit kinder.

Teedeepie · 01/01/2022 10:38

@AwesomeMom344. I have reported also. Your comment is not in the least bit funny.

Butchyrestingface · 01/01/2022 10:39

[quote LightBulbous]@AwesomeMom344 I’ve reported your comment. That’s disgusting.[/quote]
I reported too. Hopefully someone is on duty at MNHQ.

A smiley face doesn't make the post any more palatable.

Squirrelblanket · 01/01/2022 10:39

I wouldn't read too much into it. New Year's has a really funny effect on some people and he is maybe just feeling a bit out of sorts about it.

Can you see and friends and family today and take your mind off it? Then send him a breezy text tomorrow and take it from there.

Somersetlady · 01/01/2022 10:40

Try and do something nice with your day today.

You seem very invested for a relationship that has only been going on a month or two?

Do you want to see him on Sunday?

Workinghardeveryday · 01/01/2022 10:40

@Sammybammy123 he doesn’t sound much like a keeper does he. Come on, you know you are worth more than this! Don’t let him bring you down, he sounds really selfish and a twat letting you down knowing you would be on your own on nye.

@AwesomeMom344 are you still pissed from last night? What a shit thing to say. You sound so lovely and caring.

Theeyeballsinthesky · 01/01/2022 10:41

I’m sorry OP, it’s a tale as old as time. He’s interested until you have sex & then he’s mysteriously busy/not replying/vague. We’ve nearly all been there but it doesn’t make it any less shit xxx

ElectraBlue · 01/01/2022 10:52

I really don't like the fact that he cancelled your NY plans at the last minute. He knew full well that this was likely to mean that you would be alone on the night, as it would be difficult for you to make new plans so late, and it just shows a real lack of regards for your feelings.

I would dump him simply based on this.

Someone who tells you 'he barely thinks about the future' is not a good bet and he doesn't sound that enthusiastic and keen.

The fact that he is behaving like this after the first time you had sex is a red flag. You expect someone not to want to be too eager and 'clingy' but equally this is not the behaviour of a guy who is really enjoying being with you.

You deserve better!

diddl · 01/01/2022 11:08

I don't understand why you checked in the afternoon if it was still OK to go in the evening.

I suppose that he might still have cancelled but did he think that you were having doubts?

I agree that a couple of months isn't long to be thinking about a future.

You feel upset & that's neither reasonable or unreasonable imo.

If you don't like how he is treating you though-move on!

Original poster
Sammybammy123 · 01/01/2022 12:04

I seen a comment was removed but never read it - Thanks for deleting.

He has texted me happy new year this morning but not feeling great about going forward

I appreciate he has had a hard time so not going to say anything nasty.

I suppose I asked him because I guess instinctivity I thought he might cancel.

I am not sure about seeing him tomorrow.

I am not that invested but still it feels shit to be treated like this.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sammybammy123 · 01/01/2022 12:05

He just said ‘happy new year’

Not sure what I will do

OP posts:
diddl · 01/01/2022 12:10

"I suppose I asked him because I guess instinctivity I thought he might cancel."

Ah, that's not good.

I don't like people cancelling plans last minute & if you think that this is a thing he is prone to then it might all be too much trouble.

TedMullins · 01/01/2022 12:22

I don’t think it sounds that bad tbh. Mild disappointment yes but I think being really upset hints at you being a little over invested for a 2 month thing. He’s entitled to want alone time and his own space. NYE is not the best night to cancel for this I grant you but I wouldn’t see this as a huge red flag - yet. If he behaved similarly in future and a pattern began to emerge of him ditching last minute and seeming non committal then I would dump. I think if I were you I’d see this as strike 1 and be wary, and ready to reassess if he does it again.