Feel so sad 🥺

[Sammybammy123]

Hey ladies

Have spent NYE and today fairly upset
I have been seeing a guy 36/M for a month or two
We had sex on Thursday night and I stayed over - he asked me if I wanted to go to his for New Years eve as he would be by himself with the dog

I was so excited

Anyone the morning after first time sex things seemed normal and he said ‘i will see you later’. Anyway I texted him to ask if we are still on for tonight in the afternoon. No response. He called me about seven to say he had decided to spent the evening alone as he had such a tough year.

He asked if I wanted to see him Sunday instead.

I said OK. This lead to a brief conversation about relationship - It was very light and brief and just involved is both agreeing we are not seeing others and he says ‘he is just going with the flow’ and ‘barely thinks about a future’.

I tried to make NYE plans with others but was so upset that I just ended up having glass of wine and going to bed.

He did not text me again over night and no communication this morning.

I am so upset

AIBU

🥺

Tbh its not as much the cancel of NYE it was the smarmy way he spoke to me when I asked where his head was act with how things are going

I said I was not looking to rush things but if I am going to be sexually active I would like to know if he is seeing others etc

He was so defensive
He said ‘is this because we had sex’, ‘I am not going to block you yet’, ‘its far too soon’ (I understand that). I explained I had men rush me in the past and I was not looking for that but I just needed some clarity really.

He made no mention whatsoever he enjoyed me or felt lucky to have met me. It was more the feeling I was just some sort of burden - It seemed to be all me me me. No regard whatsoever. I just did not feel he gave a shit really - that he could just pick me up and drop me when it suited him.

@Sammybammy123

Tbh its not as much the cancel of NYE it was the smarmy way he spoke to me when I asked where his head was act with how things are going

I said I was not looking to rush things but if I am going to be sexually active I would like to know if he is seeing others etc

He was so defensive
He said ‘is this because we had sex’, ‘I am not going to block you yet’, ‘its far too soon’ (I understand that). I explained I had men rush me in the past and I was not looking for that but I just needed some clarity really.

He made no mention whatsoever he enjoyed me or felt lucky to have met me. It was more the feeling I was just some sort of burden - It seemed to be all me me me. No regard whatsoever. I just did not feel he gave a shit really - that he could just pick me up and drop me when it suited him.

Seriously, I would end the relationship.

Go with your gut feelings.Dont allow him to use you then drop you.He sounds conceited.Take the wind out his sails and drop him first.Everyone wants someone to be mad about them,not lukewarm.Dump him.

He has now texted me happy new year but I have not responded.

Do not want anything more to do with him after the way he spoke to me on the facetime.

I think he will be surprised that I just leave it as the impression I got was that he thought I was just some stupid hysterical woman for asking him. He tried to make me feel tiny. I was humiliated if i am honest.

Humiliated.

I have no idea who he thinks he is.

I recom he will think I will be calling him etc and dying to meet up tomorrow.

If had been seeing someone for two months and they decided they would rather sit home alone with their dog than spend NY with me, then I'd definitely be rethinking things!

Unless they had work commitments and had to be up early, then they clearly aren't that into the relationship.

Just move on.

@Sammybammy123

He has now texted me happy new year but I have not responded.

Do not want anything more to do with him after the way he spoke to me on the facetime.

I think he will be surprised that I just leave it as the impression I got was that he thought I was just some stupid hysterical woman for asking him. He tried to make me feel tiny. I was humiliated if i am honest.

Humiliated.

I have no idea who he thinks he is.

He’s someone who doesn’t see a future with you, has got what he wanted and doesn’t like you very much.

Block and delete

@HandWash

If had been seeing someone for two months and they decided they would rather sit home alone with their dog than spend NY with me, then I'd definitely be rethinking things!

Unless they had work commitments and had to be up early, then they clearly aren't that into the relationship.

Just move on.

Yep.

I voted YABU but only because you were letting a man rule your state of happiness. You are worth more than that. He's shown you he's selfish , be glad he showed you so soon.
Happy New year, at least you won't spend it investing time and energy into that man. Make it your own

I am just going to leave it.

I have no idea whatsoever what I have done to make him have so little respect for me.

I will not reply to message todat but will not block (have already deleted his number) If he texts again about tomorrows wishy washy meeting - I will just tell him I feel this will go nowhere except on your terms and that is not what I look for in a partner.

With his attitude last night I would be surprised if he bothers.

@Sammybammy123

I am just going to leave it.

I have no idea whatsoever what I have done to make him have so little respect for me.

For your own sake (I know it's easier said than done!) try not to take it too personally. He's just not the one for you.

I wouldn't let people tell you you've been 'used' either, I hate that phrase! You were getting to know someone, he's not who you want him to be so you're ending things. That's it.

Yes

And I am not going to create any drama with him either
I will go grey rock

One thing I cannot stand is when my friends send paragraphs to these guys. Long winded reasons and observations.

There is no point.
Gangsters move in silence 😂

He's just not that into you.
His loss.
Sounds like you have good plans for moving on.

Fuck it, ghost him.

It’s what he deserves.

It’s not your fault. The only way is up. Happy new year!

❤️

Oh right well, given your update he’s a complete tosser. Ignore him.

All the best

❤️

New Year can be hard for people for a plethora of reasons. Please don't take it personally or make assumptions about yourself. Two months is too short a time frame for him to have potentially opened up to you and there could be so many reasons he's acting this way. I know it's hard when you think things are going well but honestly and truly if you were surprised by him changing his tune, it's unlikely to be anything you have done. Like I say, New Year and Christmas etc can really bring out all sorts of sad feelings in people and he may be processing something. I say this from experience as I know one of my close friends recently pushed someone away when he was feeling overwhelmed with stuff from the past. He spoke to me about it and not his new girl because we're close and he didn't want to freak her out or put her off with how miserable he was feeling so early on but I can only imagine how she must have interpreted it. Try to keep busy and see how things go without worrying too much ( easier said than done I know ) about how things have changed this week.

He cancelled on you last minute, knowing this meant you would be spending new years alone. Not a keeper for me, I'm afraid!

I have no idea whatsoever what I have done to make him have so little respect for me.

Having no plans of your own for NYE wasn't great! Neither was chasing up to see if he still wanted to see you. And neither was having The Talk, especially after you'd shagged. All these things lowered your prestige.

Read Why Men Love Bitches. You'd like it, it's sassy.

You haven't done anything OP, he's just not interested in commitment right now and maybe he never will be. So you are not compatible. Move on and don't look back.

@Aburg163

New Year can be hard for people for a plethora of reasons. Please don't take it personally or make assumptions about yourself. Two months is too short a time frame for him to have potentially opened up to you and there could be so many reasons he's acting this way. I know it's hard when you think things are going well but honestly and truly if you were surprised by him changing his tune, it's unlikely to be anything you have done. Like I say, New Year and Christmas etc can really bring out all sorts of sad feelings in people and he may be processing something. I say this from experience as I know one of my close friends recently pushed someone away when he was feeling overwhelmed with stuff from the past. He spoke to me about it and not his new girl because we're close and he didn't want to freak her out or put her off with how miserable he was feeling so early on but I can only imagine how she must have interpreted it. Try to keep busy and see how things go without worrying too much ( easier said than done I know ) about how things have changed this week.

I do have this empathy if I am honest.

Which is why I am not going in with paragraphs or anything like that.

Thanks for support
I just feel humiliated