Feel so sad 🥺

[Sammybammy123]

Hey ladies

Have spent NYE and today fairly upset
I have been seeing a guy 36/M for a month or two
We had sex on Thursday night and I stayed over - he asked me if I wanted to go to his for New Years eve as he would be by himself with the dog

I was so excited

Anyone the morning after first time sex things seemed normal and he said ‘i will see you later’. Anyway I texted him to ask if we are still on for tonight in the afternoon. No response. He called me about seven to say he had decided to spent the evening alone as he had such a tough year.

He asked if I wanted to see him Sunday instead.

I said OK. This lead to a brief conversation about relationship - It was very light and brief and just involved is both agreeing we are not seeing others and he says ‘he is just going with the flow’ and ‘barely thinks about a future’.

I tried to make NYE plans with others but was so upset that I just ended up having glass of wine and going to bed.

He did not text me again over night and no communication this morning.

I am so upset

AIBU

🥺

OK, I may be going against the flow here but I don't really see what he's done wrong. He's kept you informed at each step.

So on Thursday he invited you for NYE (Friday evening, the next day). He changed his mind the next day and let you know. OK, it's not ideal he cancelled but the date had only been made the day before - it's not like it was a longstanding arrangement. You didn't not make arrangements because of him. He also asked if you wanted to see him on Sunday instead. To me he's been really clear. Maybe he really struggles with New Year's Eve - some people do. Just my opinion.

Sorry, I was writing this while Twillow must've replied and I got distracted. In essence I pretty much agree with what Twillow said. I don't see the issue personally but go with your gut above what anyone else thinks.

[quote Twillow]@HacerSonarSusPasos

I read it, but like a lot of the OPs comments I'm not 100% what the issue is. She could have asked the question before she got sexually active if she wanted that reassurance. What did she mean about men rushing her in the past?
I'm not surprised he was defensive, they are in the early stages of a relationship and she's gone all drama/betrayed/neglected on him over him deciding to be on his own on NYE.[/quote]
I agree, OP had sex and then afterwards said that she wanted to know everything. The time to say that she wanted to be exclusive if they had sex was before they had sex.

OP stayed over Thursday night, he decided on the Friday that he wanted to be alone, OP decided to try to have the talk and has now ignored his texts.

[quote Twillow]@HacerSonarSusPasos

I read it, but like a lot of the OPs comments I'm not 100% what the issue is. She could have asked the question before she got sexually active if she wanted that reassurance. What did she mean about men rushing her in the past?
I'm not surprised he was defensive, they are in the early stages of a relationship and she's gone all drama/betrayed/neglected on him over him deciding to be on his own on NYE.[/quote]
How has she done this? He’s the one who invited her to NYE, then promptly disinvited her. He’s the one who started saying stuff about blocking her. She’s not gone all drama on him at all - she’s not texted him back. Stop making excuses for shitty behaviour from this guy. It’s not like it’s uncommon for guys to act like this, yet women get blamed for being too full on.

But what's the shitty behaviour - he cancelled seeing her on Friday evening and asked if she wanted to see him on Sunday instead? Obviously if this becomes a pattern that's very different.

I'm surprised at the responses making excuses for him and suggesting you are wrong to be upset. He invites you one day and cancels the next because he's had a tough year? Well, that's too bad, who hasn't? He's a grown man who can't stick to a plan for 24 hours and let's you down on a significant night of the year to wallow on his own, and people think you should pander around that? Well I disagree. There is no shortage of men, and one who can't pull himself together so as not to let down a woman he was happy to sleep with, will not be missed in the crowd.

@skybluee

But what's the shitty behaviour - he cancelled seeing her on Friday evening and asked if she wanted to see him on Sunday instead? Obviously if this becomes a pattern that's very different.

He started acting like an arse when she wanted to know if he was sleeping with other people and spoke to her disrespectfully, if you read the updates

@Sammybammy123

Thanks for support I just feel humiliated

Just end it. Tell him the sex was terrible

What had you planned to do NYE before he asked you?

"He was so defensive
He said ‘is this because we had sex’, ‘I am not going to block you yet’,"

This guy is so far up his own fundament he can't see daylight.

Delete, flush, block - go 'grey rock' and let your silence do the talking.

@Sammybammy123 Why are you assuming this is anything you have done? I imagine this suits him very well. You've been gaslit here. He's a knobhead, please don't stand for any more of him, or give him any more headspace. Trying to work out what went wrong? That way madness lies. The short answer is 'he went wrong'. Please move along, and ditch his sorry arse. It's not you, it's him. Everything was ok before the sex yes? This is more than coincidence.

Well done, OP. You're starting the new year with strength and dignity.

@skybluee

But what's the shitty behaviour - he cancelled seeing her on Friday evening and asked if she wanted to see him on Sunday instead? Obviously if this becomes a pattern that's very different.

No I still don't get it either. Can't see anything he said as particularly 'disrespectful'. I think OP is just offended that they had sex for the first time and she thinks it's now a serious relationship but he is still very casual.

That's shit behaviour of him and he knows it, no need to explain why you're no longer talking to him if he tries to contact you that is.
Get yourself on a dating app and chat to other guys. Him saying going with the flow and not thinking about the future means he doesn't want commitment so it's his loss.

The guy wanted a night in with his dog - very sensible choice for NYE , OP's overreacted to a change of plan and yeeted him in the bin.

You were only two months in OP and not too invested it seems, which is a positive in this case.

If he is like this only a couple of months in, throw him back. Don't contact him. A decent person doesn't cancel at 7pm on NYE.

I bet he was seeing someone else or he went out with his mates.

@Fluffycloudland77

Send him a text saying sorry the sex wasn’t very good and at 36 you won’t improve.

Let’s see him share THAT to his friends.

Gangster 😍

@skybluee

OK, I may be going against the flow here but I don't really see what he's done wrong. He's kept you informed at each step.

So on Thursday he invited you for NYE (Friday evening, the next day). He changed his mind the next day and let you know. OK, it's not ideal he cancelled but the date had only been made the day before - it's not like it was a longstanding arrangement. You didn't not make arrangements because of him. He also asked if you wanted to see him on Sunday instead. To me he's been really clear. Maybe he really struggles with New Year's Eve - some people do. Just my opinion.

You'd put up with a man asking to see you one day and changing his mind the next for no good reason other than he doesn't feel like it? If he struggles with new year that won't have come as a sudden surprise at 7pm on the evening itself. And if it did, well thats unfortunate, but anyone with any respect for another person would have realised it was a bit late in the day to cancel them and gone ahead anyway. Its just basic manners.

You'd put up with a man asking to see you one day and changing his mind the next for no good reason other than he doesn't feel like it?

How many times has a woman on here who has a date planned been told that 'not feeling like it' is a perfectly acceptable reason to cancel? Even in the afternoon, a few hours before.

[quote Twillow]@HacerSonarSusPasos

I read it, but like a lot of the OPs comments I'm not 100% what the issue is. She could have asked the question before she got sexually active if she wanted that reassurance. What did she mean about men rushing her in the past?
I'm not surprised he was defensive, they are in the early stages of a relationship and she's gone all drama/betrayed/neglected on him over him deciding to be on his own on NYE.[/quote]
No drama whatsoever - quite the opposite actually. My friend said I ‘under reacted’.

And to the poster who thinks I thought we were in serious relationship - it is not about that whatsoever. I even said if you want casual thats fine but just let me know where your head is at.

I am in no way going off on one at him here - quite the opposite. I have said nothing since last night.

You won't properly know what a persons mindset and personality are like, after such a short time of knowing them.. It takes time to see if a relationship will properly develop..

@slashlover

You'd put up with a man asking to see you one day and changing his mind the next for no good reason other than he doesn't feel like it?

How many times has a woman on here who has a date planned been told that 'not feeling like it' is a perfectly acceptable reason to cancel? Even in the afternoon, a few hours before.

Not by me they haven't. Can't stand unreliable people, male or female.

@Claudethecat

If he is like this only a couple of months in, throw him back. Don't contact him. A decent person doesn't cancel at 7pm on NYE.

I bet he was seeing someone else or he went out with his mates.

God knows really.

Who cares at this stage.

I barely know him but first impressions are not great here 😂

@5128gap do you not think, particularly after the last two years, people are allowed to change their mind? If you don't, why? Do you take it as a personal insult if people change their minds? OP clearly had no other plans anyway so it's not like he disrupted her evening. He asked her on the morning of NYE is she wanted to come back round. He then decided he just wanted to be in with his dog on his own. She had stayed over for the first time and perhaps he wanted a little time to decompress (as many people do). OP wasn't best pleased with that and a discussion about the (2 month) relationship ensued and ending unsatisfactorily - who knew. It's not about respect. It's about adulthood. People can change plans within a few hours if they're not feeling up to being social. And other adults understand that. Don't they?

@1forAll74

You won't properly know what a persons mindset and personality are like, after such a short time of knowing them.. It takes time to see if a relationship will properly develop..

Agreed.

To reiterate here it is really not the cancel of NYE that has stung me - it was his smarmy attitude towards me asserting some boundaries and asking where his head was at.

I felt like I was being humilated if I am honest 😂 he spoke to me like a hysterical woman when I assure you, I was very very calm.