Feel so sad 🥺

[Sammybammy123]

Hey ladies

Have spent NYE and today fairly upset
I have been seeing a guy 36/M for a month or two
We had sex on Thursday night and I stayed over - he asked me if I wanted to go to his for New Years eve as he would be by himself with the dog

I was so excited

Anyone the morning after first time sex things seemed normal and he said ‘i will see you later’. Anyway I texted him to ask if we are still on for tonight in the afternoon. No response. He called me about seven to say he had decided to spent the evening alone as he had such a tough year.

He asked if I wanted to see him Sunday instead.

I said OK. This lead to a brief conversation about relationship - It was very light and brief and just involved is both agreeing we are not seeing others and he says ‘he is just going with the flow’ and ‘barely thinks about a future’.

I tried to make NYE plans with others but was so upset that I just ended up having glass of wine and going to bed.

He did not text me again over night and no communication this morning.

I am so upset

AIBU

🥺

Oh no OP apologising for a belated New Year? What did you do that for?

@Sammybammy123

As a update ladies

I have messaged this morning to apologise for late reply and wish him happy new year.

I figured I am not on the level of ghosting and treat others the way you should be treated. Not sure if that was the right thing to do and if that will lower my value even more in his eyes but whatever at this stage.

Peace and love. 🙏🏻❤️

This is why he has no respect for you and has treated you so terribly. He’s not going to look at your text and think ‘what an upstanding moral goddess with good values who doesn’t ghost people like me- I will be a better person now’, he will you are pathetic and want another round with him.

You are not ready to date

Have you had a response from him OP?

You had nothing to apologise for.

He treated you very badly, and now by apologising you are sending a signal to him that you are / were in the wrong.

So what happens now?

You need to look after yourself OP. Seriously.

He will not look after you. He made you feel humiliated, and yet you have gone running, under the pretence of acting too decently to ghost.

Seriously: look after yourself. Like a grown up.

I agree, nothing to apologise for.. if they treat you badly don't reward them with kindness, just stop dealing with them.

Look, it's a brand new year now. Focus on you and transforming from kitten to gangster this year.

Here's your reading list:

THE RULES by Ellen Fein & Sherrie Schneider

WHY MEN LOVE BITCHES by Sherry Argov.

NOT TONIGHT MR RIGHT by Kate Taylor.

Read those. Build yourself up. Block this guy and throw yourself into becoming the most fearless, feisty and fierce gangster dater ever.

So I blocked him - so unsure if any replies. I would doubt it to be honest with you.

I really like message above that reinforces why he treated me so poorly and that I am not ready to date. Thank you for the reality check. It is what I have needed.

Definately looking into boundaries going forward and will reas book recommendations,

❤️

@Suprima

Thanks for this dose of reality.
He is definately blocked now and I know what you mean.

Going to work on myself for a bit. ❤️

@AlbertBridge

Look, it's a brand new year now. Focus on you and transforming from kitten to gangster this year.

Here's your reading list:

THE RULES by Ellen Fein & Sherrie Schneider

WHY MEN LOVE BITCHES by Sherry Argov.

NOT TONIGHT MR RIGHT by Kate Taylor.

Read those. Build yourself up. Block this guy and throw yourself into becoming the most fearless, feisty and fierce gangster dater ever.

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ I used to be that person

Mind you at least I did chuck him eventually. 😂🤣

@havemybreakfastthen

Have you had a response from him OP?

He is blocked and also blocked on IG so I doubt I will ever see him again.

I doubt he would have replied.

You know a guy did this same thing to my friend a few years ago and she broke into his flat to see where he was 😂. I think sending a simple text yesterday was not great but he is blocked now.

@lothermand I think that was more the point if I am honest.

I went ghost on him on Saturday (NYD) and it just did not sit comfortably with me.

My friends said they would have went mental and demanded to see him on Sunday like he had arranged and I guess some people would be right in doing that - but honestly what is the point.

By that time it was over anyway.

It was over when he called me to cancel NYE and the conversation that followed anyway. I doubt in seriousness I would have seen him again after that.

He seems to have a fragile ego so I doubt he took kindly to my lack of response on Saturday anyway.

OP,
@Suprima is correct.

Your need to apologise to someone who you clearly felt humiliated by is awful.

You sound like a lovely woman who absolutely deserves to be treated well.

Give yourself the best chance by indeed taking time to read, learn, and educate yourself.

Look up the Shark cage analogy.
Do the Freedom programme online.

@Suprima I re’read this Suprima and he thought I was pathetic anyway, before the last text. It wont have changed anything. I had already done the damage prior to this text I assure you 😂

@billy1966

OP, *@Suprima* is correct.

Your need to apologise to someone who you clearly felt humiliated by is awful.

You sound like a lovely woman who absolutely deserves to be treated well.

Give yourself the best chance by indeed taking time to read, learn, and educate yourself.

Look up the Shark cage analogy.
Do the Freedom programme online.

Agreed Billy - she makes a great point. Will look up shark cagez. 🦈

It has to be noted though - some posters thought I over reacted etc and it did not sound too bad????
So I suppose some people would not have even reacted at all to this?

@Sammybammy123

It has to be noted though - some posters thought I over reacted etc and it did not sound too bad???? So I suppose some people would not have even reacted at all to this?

Whilst you may need to work on yourself, etc etc, I don't think you over reacted to some of the things he said at all. You made it clear that if you were going to pursue a sexual relationship, then it needed to be exclusive and he didn't like that. Fair enough, his choice. But the way he responded was vile and disrespectful. Also, whilst it's his prerogative to change his mind about NYE, the reality is that, when someone isn't that keen, you just know. Well done for finding your inner gangster in the end. You're well shot.

I think he only acted that way as I was taking away some of his power by even asking. He was gobsmacked I was not going to let him string my along and I think thats where the vitriol came from and then the not responding on Saturday. I think hes mad if I am honest.

I suppose he might be sitting thinking I done a 360 too.

Then the blocking. 😂

Well rid.

OP, I am (a lot) older than you, very experienced in affairs of the heart etc. I have played the games/drama/losing it/demanding, when I've felt humiliated/small, it's futile, you will spend unnecessary energy creating the dramas, they (he in this scenario) don't care.

As I said previously, you have been true to yourself, and this is about you NOT him. I don't think "he got what he wanted" he could get sex anywhere.

There is sometimes no accounting for people's behaviour, the older I get, the less I am surprised (shocked) by it.

You've dodged a bullet, as it appears he's not quite fully extricated from his canine custody commitment.

You sound grand OP, this is a brand new year, out with the old, and in with the new

@lothermand

OP, I am (a lot) older than you, very experienced in affairs of the heart etc. I have played the games/drama/losing it/demanding, when I've felt humiliated/small, it's futile, you will spend unnecessary energy creating the dramas, they (he in this scenario) don't care.

As I said previously, you have been true to yourself, and this is about you NOT him. I don't think "he got what he wanted" he could get sex anywhere.

There is sometimes no accounting for people's behaviour, the older I get, the less I am surprised (shocked) by it.

You've dodged a bullet, as it appears he's not quite fully extricated from his canine custody commitment.

You sound grand OP, this is a brand new year, out with the old, and in with the new

❤️

Agreed.

Was the sex at least satisfactory?

@morbidd

Was the sex at least satisfactory?

Yes.

So I do have that.

🙄🔥

Thank god for that 😂

@morbidd

Thank god for that 😂

The ultimate finale

LOL OP, you have such nutty friends…breaking into people’s flats, demanding to go out after all….at least now you know to come to MN for sound advice and appreciation of your best self

@StrifeOfBath

LOL OP, you have such nutty friends…breaking into people’s flats, demanding to go out after all….at least now you know to come to MN for sound advice and appreciation of your best self

Totally.