Page 7 | Being obese affects your friendships

Shockedmama · 2022-01-01T07:15:40+00:00

Interested to see if this is true for others? Does being obese affect friendships? Is less sociable, thinking people don’t want to be friends with you, seen with you? Less physically able? Interested to hear from people who are not obese too ?

SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 01/01/2022 12:57

*DaisyStPatience

I probably wouldn't be friends with a very fat person*

What makes you think they'd want a judgey shallow person like you as a friend anyhoo?

SarahJessicaParker1 · 01/01/2022 12:58

The gent with the before and after pics- his after pics are bmi of 30

All the women are classed as obese

I mean, maybe you will say all of these photos are "disengenuous", but I'm not really sure what to say to you... We may just have to agree to disagree

SarahJessicaParker1 · 01/01/2022 13:00

@PurpleDaisies

Where is that photo from? I’d be surprised if those bmis are accurate.

Just from googling bmi 30. I've known people with that bmi who look a lot like that!

It's actually hilarious, people are so desperate for obese people to be disgusting, othered creatures who just cannot lead the same life as someone who is not obese. You probably know loads of officially obese people and don't know it.

ldontWanna · 01/01/2022 13:01

What really baffles me about some of this posts is how massively disablist they are. After all, in most cases fat is something you can change if you desperately need to fit in a group or whatever.

The same can't be said about people with allergies (no sushi no mate), physically being unable to do something due to a disability, sensory needs , extreme phobias etc. So many people cut off from the start due to the way they were born,or trauma or whatever.

Unless those things stop being a priority when it's not "fat" caused which is highly hypocritical.

SarahJessicaParker1 · 01/01/2022 13:06

@ldontWanna

What really baffles me about some of this posts is how massively disablist they are. After all, in most cases fat is something you can change if you desperately need to fit in a group or whatever.

The same can't be said about people with allergies (no sushi no mate), physically being unable to do something due to a disability, sensory needs , extreme phobias etc. So many people cut off from the start due to the way they were born,or trauma or whatever.

Unless those things stop being a priority when it's not "fat" caused which is highly hypocritical.

Sorry, I don't understand your argument?

Do you think that people who think you shouldn't cut out friends because they're too fat, are the sort of people who would cut out friends because they have disabilities? I'd say that the people who couldn't possibly be friends with a fat person are the same people who wouldn't bother with people with disabilities wither.

Not that it's what is being discussed here, but, for the record I would seriously judge anyone who wouldn't be friends with someone because they have a disability. Yes, I have friends with disabilities and am very lucky to have them in my life because they're wonderful friends. Actually, I imagine the "but what about my active lifestyle? Wouldn't want pesky friends who aren't as fit as me getting in the way of that" would rule out being friends with my good friend who had a limb amputated shortly after birth. Thing is, he runs marathons and does Go Ape etc and is extremely active.

TenLittleDinos · 01/01/2022 13:08

@PurpleDaisies

Where is that photo from? I’d be surprised if those bmis are accurate.

I don’t see why. I looked very similar to the middle picture at that BMI, and look a lot like Sharon (different shape) at a BMI of 30. As I said, I’m a size 12-14. My weight doesn’t prevent me from doing anything. I did a 6 mile hike with DH and the kids yesterday and did park run this morning (30 mins and 44 seconds). I am obese though with a BMI of 30, and I hate it. All the exercise I do prevents my weight from spiralling further due to my health condition and medication.

DillonPanthersTexas · 01/01/2022 13:11

Actually, I imagine the "but what about my active lifestyle? Wouldn't want pesky friends who aren't as fit as me getting in the way of that" would rule out being friends with my good friend who had a limb amputated shortly after birth. Thing is, he runs marathons and does Go Ape etc and is extremely active.

You are projecting a bit, I coach adaptive rowing down my rowing club. Members of that squad are every bit as welcome as able bodied athletes.

PiscesSt · 01/01/2022 13:14

I don’t know if it affects friendships but I will say that at my current weight I won’t join friends on spa days or in hot tubs as I am far too self conscious. I am missing out on things and I realise I need to lose a few stone to enjoy life more.

SarahJessicaParker1 · 01/01/2022 13:14

@DillonPanthersTexas

Actually, I imagine the "but what about my active lifestyle? Wouldn't want pesky friends who aren't as fit as me getting in the way of that" would rule out being friends with my good friend who had a limb amputated shortly after birth. Thing is, he runs marathons and does Go Ape etc and is extremely active.

You are projecting a bit, I coach adaptive rowing down my rowing club. Members of that squad are every bit as welcome as able bodied athletes.

I wasn't projecting. I was responding to someone who said it would be hypocritical to object to people cutting/ruling out friends because they are fat, if they didn't also object to people ruling out friends because they have disabilities. I didn't think it was 100% relevant either tbh.

And you didn't actually say you wouldn't be friends with a fat person so I didn't mean you

Snowisfalling33 · 01/01/2022 13:22

I don't think weight affects many friendships tbh, there's a few slim people mainly on Mumsnet who look down on larger people and wouldn't want to be friends but let's face it, that sort of person isn't a massive loss as a friend!
I think what actually affects people is loss of confidence that sometimes goes with being bigger.
So people won't do spa days, go on holiday, go for walks or meals etc because they feel like people will be looking and judging and that would affect friendships at time especially if a person constantly declined invitations without a real explanation.

ldontWanna · 01/01/2022 13:36

@SarahJessicaParker1 that posters who say they don't have fat friends because they can't do x,y ,z are being disablist or massive hypocrites if it just applies to fat people. Either way they suck, and tbh the disablism bothers me a lot more .

I guess I wondered if they know how they come across and that their comments might affect more than "just" fat people. And if they actually care.

SarahJessicaParker1 · 01/01/2022 13:37

Ah that makes a lot more sense. And I agree with you.

ldontWanna · 01/01/2022 13:38

@SarahJessicaParker1

Ah that makes a lot more sense. And I agree with you.

Sorry massive head ache and I probably rambled the first time. Best to stick to shorter replies.

SarahJessicaParker1 · 01/01/2022 13:40

Haha, no, don't worry, it was probably me being an eejit.

LadyAddle · 01/01/2022 13:40

@TinselTottyTart @TenLittleDinos
I think I'm on similar medication from what you say, and possibly for similar condition to Tinsel, and it's a constant struggle. The recommended NHS BMI is utterly impossible to reach, though I do my best to stay within the overweight category with sensible diet and exercise. It's been so long, I sometimes forget the alternative is blindness, and have to give myself a reality check. I do feel for you both, it's tough, especially when you're younger.

catinthewindow · 01/01/2022 14:00

I’ve put on a bit of weight recently and am almost obese. But fit and muscular - run 25 miles a week and lift weights. And am a size 12 - 14.

There is huge variation in fitness amongst people at different weights and obesity itself is not just one thing.

Certainly hasn’t affected friendships (apart from friends missing out on the delightful opportunity to come on a rainy 10 mile hill run with me )

Thatldo · 01/01/2022 14:19

Unless you are over 7 feet in height, if you weigh 20+ stones you are obese.You are not fit and you are not healthy.these threads are always ending up,obese people claiming how much they run and how fit they are.These people telling themselves a story that is simply not true.this is not looking down on obese people,it is simply a fact.

me4real · 01/01/2022 14:20

But you do sometimes get people with very healthy approaches to diet and activity who for some reason are also obese

Overweight people underestimate what they eat, more so than slim people.

Or they could just be knowingly lying.

TinselTottyTart · 01/01/2022 14:27

@Emerald5hamrock

No I didn't leave my job due to the fattest comments. There were quite a few bigger than me in the office. I left because my colleague was a sh*t and hates anyone more popular or cleverer than him . He even took down my goodbye yesterday as the love fest was getting too much! I have suffered some barbed comments over the years from girlfriends but they tend to be people passing through my life. Friends of friends etc. We live in a smart country town where 60% are incomers and the rest horsey/farming. The ex Londoners are much smaller size 8-12. The rest of us shop elsewhere.
I am having the surgery for my career because I work in a fashion oriented profession.

SarahJessicaParker1 · 01/01/2022 14:27

@me4real

But you do sometimes get people with very healthy approaches to diet and activity who for some reason are also obese

Overweight people underestimate what they eat, more so than slim people.

Or they could just be knowingly lying.

But how does the quantity your friend eats affect you? That quote was me responding to someone who said she prefers friendships with people with lifestyles similar similar her own. The examples she gave were that people who don't drink a lot, are active and who like sushi would suit her as friends because they'd join her on her preferred activities. Someone eating MORE sushi with you at lunch doesn't affect you, does it? So you can still enjoy the same activities with someone bigger than you (not you personally - you as in 'one') are, unless you just hate fat people, which makes you a dick

Thatldo · 01/01/2022 14:27

@me4real

But you do sometimes get people with very healthy approaches to diet and activity who for some reason are also obese

Overweight people underestimate what they eat, more so than slim people.

Or they could just be knowingly lying.

Most are "lying" so they dont have to change their story.Most obese people who stop spinning a yarn about their weight,will actually start to lose weight,or at the very least are starting to own their overeating,rather then blame other people for their low self esteem.

Excitedforthefuture · 01/01/2022 14:27

@me4real

But you do sometimes get people with very healthy approaches to diet and activity who for some reason are also obese

Overweight people underestimate what they eat, more so than slim people.

Or they could just be knowingly lying.

Pretty much whenever I read on mumsnet about losing substantial weight and actually having kept it off long term… they say that they used to eat so much junk food and / or large portions but used to kid themselves that it wasn’t that bad and only with hindsight can they admit the truth. I have always found such posts really brave

SarahJessicaParker1 · 01/01/2022 14:28

@Thatldo

Unless you are over 7 feet in height, if you weigh 20+ stones you are obese.You are not fit and you are not healthy.these threads are always ending up,obese people claiming how much they run and how fit they are.These people telling themselves a story that is simply not true.this is not looking down on obese people,it is simply a fact.

Where on earth are you getting 20 stone from?

A 5'2" person would be obese at what? 13 stone or so? Maybe less

Thatldo · 01/01/2022 14:29

@ Exitedforthefuture.Agree very much.

SarahJessicaParker1 · 01/01/2022 14:31

Actually, 12 stone. A 5'2" person is obese at 12 stone