What is the problem with the phrase 'Be Kind?'

[Fatandfifty49]

To me, it means think of others, consider their feelings. Don't be an arsehole under the guise of 'saying it how it is', 'telling the truth', 'not mincing your words.'

Largely, I think it is something very positive that has come out of the COVID pandemic and was often used in the context of how essential workers should be treated. It is absolutely a change for the better that I have personally witnessed.

It is a phrase that is used to say 'it is not OK to abuse me because you are having a bad day' and empowering for those who want to take ownership of their own wellbeing as well as that of others.

What do you all think?

It means shut up and stop being inconvenient woman.

@Waftypants

Be kind usually means don't be difficult by expressing opinions or thinking your needs are important. It's used to keep women and girls in their place. It's a shame but there it is.

This.

CFs love people 'being kind.' Makes their job of CFering so much easier.

Wet sentiment, and infantilising. It's about as useful as the police chiding as they break up a gang fight that they expect kind hands.

My experience is also that it's been appropriated by those who say 'be kind' to mean 'give me what I want right now or else'. It's non reciprocal. It's entirely aimed at women. It usually means 'I don't like your boundaries, they inconvenience me in doing to you what I want to', and it's a demand to put the other person unconditionally first regardless of how they treat you.

No. That's not kind. That's not even appropriate.

It is a phrase that is used to say 'it is not OK to abuse me because you are having a bad day' and empowering for those who want to take ownership of their own wellbeing as well as that of others.

As others have said, the phrase is invariably used to stifle open discussion and free speech and is disproportionately targeted at women.

I prefer 'do unto others' (as you would have done to yourself) as a maxim. So if I behave like a total fanny, I would expect to be called out for it (NOT abused). Which means I am free to do likewise with other people behaving in the same way.

But even that falls down when you are dealing with people who believe they should be able to behave with impunity.

To me it means "I don't agree with you but I cannot form a meaningful argument why, so shut up and let me be right".

I hate any vogue phrase or motto which people treat as some inalienable truth. It infuriates me when usually very trite, vapid people say 'Whatever happened to 'Be Kind'?' Nothing 'happened' to it - i don't pay it any attention then and I didn't pay it any attention then.

Urgh. 'I don't pay it any attention now and I didn't pay it any attention then' 🙄 #bekind, guys!

Be kind is good in general, tho sometimes the truth needs to be said, out of kindness

I prefer "don't be a dick".

I don’t think that anyone in real life has ever told me to ‘be kind’. I’m not sure that it’s something specifically aimed at women but as said my experience is limited.

@skippy67

I prefer "don't be a dick".

Me too

@Spermysextowel

I don’t think that anyone in real life has ever told me to ‘be kind’. I’m not sure that it’s something specifically aimed at women but as said my experience is limited.

I haven't had it trotted out at me in a real-life scenario yet. But that may be to do with the fact the phrase only seems to have come to prominence in the last couple of years, and we've been in and out of Lockdowns during that period.

If someone said it to me, I reckon I'd respond with "In what way do you think I WASN'T being kind?"

I think it probably started with a good intention.

It has been appropriated to mean 'shut up women'.

In my experience it is generally applied more to girls/women hence the plethora of girl’s clothing with this type of slogan and often means “be a good girl and put the needs of others before your own“ and I don’t want my daughter to be taught this.

@mynameiscalypso

But it didn't come out of Covid at all did it? It came out of the death of Caroline Flack and pre-dates Covid.

I would say it pre-dates even her sad death. Though it was used a lot in the aftermath (rightly so), either way it’s not from covid.

Not rtft but it's because 'be kind' is now mostly used to guilt trip women who say 'no'.

To me it's synonymous with 'women, know your place'

I am a shop worker. We have signs up to that effect. Generally speaking, I've noticed people being a lot more polite than previously. Something out of stock? It's a lot rarer for people to have a tantrum over it. Over Christmas, people asking things and saying 'I'm sorry, I know you're busy', more respect over personal space and so on.

Really? That actually surprises me. I'm not a shop worker, but in general I've noticed people being far less tolerant and far more entitled these days.

As for "be kind" it seems to be aimed at women far more than men, I'm not sure it's kindness that it is being demanded, more like subservience.

But it didn't come out of Covid at all did it? It came out of the death of Caroline Flack and pre-dates Covid.

Caroline Flack died in February 2020, and we were locked down from March 2020. The phrase gaining traction in the aftermath of her death happened to coincide with Covid.

Is there a good reason for me to consider the feelings of others? Surely being considerate should be sufficient. I don't know "you" so how could I possibly know what might upset you. Being rude and inconsiderate would make me an arsehole, lack of mind-reading ability does not. Adults are responsible for their own feelings and I reject the responsibility of taking care of yours.

I think be civil, respectful, fair, helpful where possible are more more specific and useful terms. Be kind is empty, meaningless rubbish, usually trotted out by some of the world's biggest arseholes.

We should never teach children to unthinkingly "be kind", it's a massive safeguarding risk. We should instill in them the confidence to assert their own boundaries and from that we teach them how to respect the boundaries of others. If we encourage people to be responsible for their own well being rather than co-dependently outsourcing to other people it we might have a happier and healthier society.

If we encourage people to be responsible for their own well being rather than co-dependently outsourcing to other people it we might have a happier and healthier society.

This. ^^

Plus requirement that people take responsibility for their own behaviour.

The only people i've seen saying "Be Kind" are anything but.
It's often said by bullies to silence people.

This. It's an example of DARVO.

I generally see that phrase used to virtue signal by people who are very good at forgetting to 'be kind' when something doesn't align with their beliefs or if they just fancy a gossip.

Like most things, there is a happy medium.

Some see ‘be kind’ as ‘be compliant’, neglecting oneself.

Equally, there is a new phrase which I see on MN a lot recently: ‘having one’s needs met’. I find this one even more irritating as the needs are very rarely ‘needs’ but ‘wants’, and allows people to walk away from relationships or friendships without making any effort or feeling guilty.

So, we should balance meeting our ‘wants’ with ‘being kind’. Both phrases are kind of polarising, though.