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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What is the problem with the phrase 'Be Kind?'

242 replies

Fatandfifty49 · 31/12/2021 23:21

To me, it means think of others, consider their feelings. Don't be an arsehole under the guise of 'saying it how it is', 'telling the truth', 'not mincing your words.'

Largely, I think it is something very positive that has come out of the COVID pandemic and was often used in the context of how essential workers should be treated. It is absolutely a change for the better that I have personally witnessed.

It is a phrase that is used to say 'it is not OK to abuse me because you are having a bad day' and empowering for those who want to take ownership of their own wellbeing as well as that of others.

What do you all think?

OP posts:
AlDanvers · 31/12/2021 23:32

Be kind has been around for a while.

However, it became a huge thing when Caroline Flack posted it then died. That's when it really peaked .

Before the pandemic.

foxgoosefinch · 31/12/2021 23:32

It would be lovely if it was aimed at everyone; but sadly it usually means “behave nicely like women should do”.

That’s why it’s all over the front of little girls’ slogan T-shirts, and almost never on the clothes in the little boys’ section.

lottiegarbanzo · 31/12/2021 23:33

I mean, by all means be kind, if you like.

But instructing others to be kind?

You can fuck off to the far side of fuck (ATFOSM) with that.

sweetbellyhigh · 31/12/2021 23:33

I agree with you OP, it's a reminder to think before you speak, to not assume the worst. To try to be aware that other people are struggling too.

I have seen a lot of good come out of it but there are always people who seize upon positives and turn them into negatives.

Bluebluemoon · 31/12/2021 23:34

It is usually used in a very passive aggressive way to silence women. Don't think I've ever heard it said to a man.

It's actually become a private joke between dd and I as she is quite opinionated like me and I say it ironically to make her laugh when she's being gobby!

Divebar2021 · 31/12/2021 23:34

In what way have you noticed people actually being kind? What examples do you have?

awesomekilick · 31/12/2021 23:34

Because it's aimed at women.

AlDanvers · 31/12/2021 23:36

@sweetbellyhigh

I agree with you OP, it's a reminder to think before you speak, to not assume the worst. To try to be aware that other people are struggling too.

I have seen a lot of good come out of it but there are always people who seize upon positives and turn them into negatives.

You can think before you speak and still feel it's not appropriate to be kind.
Nellodee · 31/12/2021 23:37

On the feminism boards the other day, someone said something like:
Women aren't just expected to be kind while defending their rights, they're expected to be kind instead of defending their rights.

Eleganz · 31/12/2021 23:37

The problem is that it is bandied about with no meaning or sincerity and fails to acknowledge that life just is more complicated than that.

MushroomHunter · 31/12/2021 23:38

It’s usually said by people who have no further though beyond that sentence!

I worked in hospitality for 20 years and I can assure you, there’s no such thing as be kind to hospitality staff!

JustKeepSwimmingJust · 31/12/2021 23:38

Because it became popular as the final words of a person who was unhappy with being criticised for hitting their partner over the head with a bedside lamp.

SpindleSpangle · 31/12/2021 23:38

You show me and quantify all the times it's been said at men, by men, on Twitter, OP.

sweetbellyhigh · 31/12/2021 23:39

@Divebar2021

In what way have you noticed people actually being kind? What examples do you have?
I have noticed a lot of customers being very gracious to shop assistants in a way I never saw pre-pandemic.

I have noticed people talking less about being wronged and more acknowledging of the fact everyone is under additional stress.

I have noticed extraordinary kindness from the schools during distance learning, and their willingness to listen to feedback.

GoldenBlue · 31/12/2021 23:40

@Nellodee

On the feminism boards the other day, someone said something like: Women aren't just expected to be kind while defending their rights, they're expected to be kind instead of defending their rights.
Absolutely this, I have no issue with everyone being polite and empathising with each other but 'be kind' is used to deny women the right to even fight to retain their rights
Dinosauria · 31/12/2021 23:40

primarily used by people who are just vulture signalling

Excellent typo.

Agree with all the above, so heartening to see the poll.

Original poster
Fatandfifty49 · 31/12/2021 23:42

@Divebar2021

In what way have you noticed people actually being kind? What examples do you have?
I am a shop worker. We have signs up to that effect. Generally speaking, I've noticed people being a lot more polite than previously. Something out of stock? It's a lot rarer for people to have a tantrum over it. Over Christmas, people asking things and saying 'I'm sorry, I know you're busy', more respect over personal space and so on.

There was this attitude that you could shout at someone public facing because it's is not personal and, yes, someone quoted here 'you don't know what is going on people's lives.' I think the phrase has empowered individuals to value their own mental welllbeing as people don't know what is going on in their own lives, either.

Be Kind is something I've taken away with me to work both ways. I don't have a problem being kind (within reason) and I don't have a problem requesting it, either.

OP posts:
AlDanvers · 31/12/2021 23:42

@sweetbellyhigh and how is that connected to the 'be kind' craze.....rather than the actual pandemic.

As I recall, loads of shop workers were reporting Hugh levels of abuse at the beginning of the pandemic. Which was after CF death and the surge in many more people using 'be kind'.

Alpenguin · 31/12/2021 23:43

On the surface it’s a lovely sentiment but like respect, kindness is not an automatic right. Too often ‘Be Kind’ means shut up, deriving from the idea that holding a different belief or opinion is literal violence

mynameiscalypso · 31/12/2021 23:43

@Nellodee

On the feminism boards the other day, someone said something like: Women aren't just expected to be kind while defending their rights, they're expected to be kind instead of defending their rights.
This is so interesting; I was mulling this because I have a toddler DS and I will absolutely teach him to be kind. If I had a girl, I'm not sure I would teach them to 'be kind' in the same way because that's what I expect society to try and force them to be.
OnTheHillNotOverIt · 31/12/2021 23:43

Yep. Female socialisation in a hashtag
“Be kind/nice/quiet girls and share…”

Dinosauria · 31/12/2021 23:43

@Nellodee

On the feminism boards the other day, someone said something like: Women aren't just expected to be kind while defending their rights, they're expected to be kind instead of defending their rights.
Especially this.
saraclara · 31/12/2021 23:44

@MaryAndHerNet

The only people i've seen saying "Be Kind" are anything but. It's often said by bullies to silence people.
100% that.

It's astonishing. The people I see saying it on social media are those I know to be out-and-out bitches. I've actually gasped out loud on occasion because the hypocrisy and the sheer nerve has been almost unbelievable.

AlDanvers · 31/12/2021 23:44

But again @Fatandfifty49 how do you know tahta related to 'be kind' rather than the pandemic.

You actually have no clue, wether using 'be kind' has impacted any of that.

MichelleScarn · 31/12/2021 23:45

is a phrase that is used to say 'it is not OK to abuse me because you are having a bad day' and empowering for those who want to take ownership of their own wellbeing as well as that of others
Not how I see it, unless you mean the taking ownership as browbeating, self indulgent, virtue signalling that's generally against women?