What is the problem with the phrase 'Be Kind?'

[Fatandfifty49]

To me, it means think of others, consider their feelings. Don't be an arsehole under the guise of 'saying it how it is', 'telling the truth', 'not mincing your words.'

Largely, I think it is something very positive that has come out of the COVID pandemic and was often used in the context of how essential workers should be treated. It is absolutely a change for the better that I have personally witnessed.

It is a phrase that is used to say 'it is not OK to abuse me because you are having a bad day' and empowering for those who want to take ownership of their own wellbeing as well as that of others.

What do you all think?

I think the pandemic did foster a shift in attitudes and the Be Kind phrase was used a lot at this time when it hadn't really been mainstream before. Personally, seeing this in print around shops felt very empowering to me as a retail worker in that we mattered, too, and we were all human.

I’d have more empathy with this if it worked both ways. If there hadn’t been a retail worker in one of the few shops open who used to stand at the door and shout at people who dared use their own hand sanitiser, and police what people should and shouldn’t be buying (despite the fact that all stock was available for purchase), while standing next to a sign about “being kind to retail workers”.

Where was HER be kind, and HER understanding of what other people were going through?

Pretty much since it began, “be kind” has just been a platitude for bullies to hide behind.

I hate the phrase TAKE CARE.

Even worse is “Stay safe everyone”. Translates as “Look how much I CARE”

It's hard to argue with the principle of being kind but it is a message mostly aimed at women to get them to be quiet and allow themselves to be walked all over, in that we should always allow others to take priority because that is the kind thing to do.

Be fair is better I guess in that it suggests some equivalence in the relationship, not that I should just do what you want me to.

I prefer be respectful of others. People may not agree with me and that's ok, but they don't have the right to trample on my boundaries or insist that I do things their way.

I’m kind most of the time but I won’t be silenced. I’ve also found that the biggest ‘be kind’ advocates on social media are those I know to be the biggest arseholes

do you think nasty people hear 'be kind' and change their ways?
i dont.

'Be kind' all too often means 'shut up and be a doormat'.

I think I'm a fairly kind person - I'm helpful and friendly and so on - but I grew up with a father who wanted me to be a doormat so... Nah, not going to happen.

I think when my friend died it felt like it was saying if I’d just been kind she wouldn’t have killed herself. But I was kind, and that wasn’t enough.

Its highly unlikely that if I'm behaving like a cunt and some stranger utters a stupid phrase it will change the way I behave
I'm highly unlikely to change the way I think, behave, feel because some faceless person tells me to
I hope I'm 'kind' when it's justified
I also hope I can be assertive and call out bad behaviour
Someone I know recently got married and banged on and on about 'being kind', when she gave her speech. She is one of the most self centred and selfish people I know

Being kind is a wonderful thing. Telling people (usually women) to be kind is not. The best way to get people to be kind is to lead by example.

The modern instruction 'be kind' is, as other posters have said, almost always (empty and often hypocritical) virtue-signalling or a way to shut people down if you don't agree with them. It's not really even a useful instruction to give to children imo, as it's not specific enough.

I agreed with be kind when Caroline Flack died. Then I saw it being used to shut women up and heard how it is used on young girls clothing (but never boys). Once I realised 'be kind' is only expected of women I became a lot less keen on it.

Be kind is used to mean "don't say anything I disagree with". "Don't call me out on bad behaviour". If you do disagree with me, or call me out, that's bullying.

Doesn't do it for me.

I come from a family where women were expected to be nice, kindpolite, quiet, folllow the rules, don't make a fuss, donlt question men's authority.
Deep diving would call this his part of "The Mother Wound".
Done partly for protection this patriarcial wound lingers, women are still expevted to budge up and be kind - to men usually.

Being humane and fair is good, but "being kind" is too loaded and greasy a term for me.

I don't like the way "be kind" is being used now. As many posters have said, it's used now as a way to either bully and silence someone (almost always women and girls who are setting a boundary) or as a way for someone who has done wrong to claim victimhood or insist they not be held accountable for their own actions.

Someone on here shared this image a while ago, I think she had drawn it herself and at the time she said she was happy for it to be shared, so hopefully it's okay to share it again. It sums up exactly my feelings on the way "be kind" is used to silence people.

@itsgettingweird

I also have issues around the fact that Caroline Flack, whose post it was, was awaiting trial for DV. I can't imagine people co -opting a male celebrities last post as inspiration if they were awaiting trial for DV charges. Though I do also accept the problem of online trolls needs actual action.

I've always said that I have an issue about the fact it derived from a woman accused of committing DV.

Often the response I've had from people in RL is to just "be kind" as we don't know what she was going through that night.

Very few will even discuss if that was a male no one would be taking the same stance.

I'm very pro woman's rights. But I'm also very realistic we can't bring men down to raise up woman. We have to raise woman up to where men are in society and that means equal rights means equal expectations.

So I absolutely agree in principle with the statement "just be kind".

But I really don't like the way it's used by a large part of society to silence others opinions.

This, all day long.

@mynameiscalypso

But it didn't come out of Covid at all did it? It came out of the death of Caroline Flack and pre-dates Covid.

I don't think this is true - her death made the phrase more popular, but I saw that phrase long before that sad event. To me it just means to stop and think before I say or do something, how would I feel if the 'thing' was said or done to me, and it is really necessary to do it. It never means to let others walk all over you, or to never think of yourself. I always say that 'be kind' includes to yourself, a lot of folk forget that and are far too harsh on themselves (often over things they cannot control). In the spirit of kindness, Happy New Year and all the best for 2022. :)

I find it patronising. An adult should not need to be told to be kind. It's something you tell children when they are learning. And as an adult, I don't want people telling me lies or treating me like an idiot just to be kind. It depends on the situation, but in general, I only ever want to hear the truth, even if a bit unsavoury

I would have probably said the pandemic has made people nastier, not kinder.

I dislike it because I moderate my own behaviour and I don’t need to be reminded to be kind. I am, because it’s important to treat other people well.

I don’t like the way “be kind” is used to shut down opposing opinions. We already have a very non confrontational culture here to the point of two-facedness. Sometimes hard things do need to be said or debated, it’s not always out of nastiness.

The dickheads who abuse you at work need to be shamed for bad behaviour of course, and I’m glad he kind has helped. But in general I dislike the statement.

I think it’s ok in its intention and kindness is a very underrated virtue. As a hashtag/mantra it can feel a bit in your face and insincere.

@Nellodee

On the feminism boards the other day, someone said something like: Women aren't just expected to be kind while defending their rights, they're expected to be kind instead of defending their rights.

Completely. Women trying to stand up for their and all women's rights, get told to be kind instead of say how they feel. It's an overused phrase. It also seems to be said here when someone doesn't like the responses they've gotten.

It's a meaningless phrase spouted by people who can't think for themselves.

Anyone who needs to be told to be kind will not suddenly be kind. Everyone else can use their humanity, instinct and common sense as they always did.

People who use this phrase only use it when they don't like someone disagreeing with them. It's used to silence female opinions and to be patronising.

@Wreath21

It's usually criticised by bigots who don't like having their bigotry and doom-mongering pointed out to them.

That's not very kind is it duck?

The people who use the stupid phrase always seem to do so at the end of a rant, you see it on here all the time:

"You're all a bunch of bitter harpies, you're vile, whatever happened to #be kind?"

Not only do these people around thick as pigshit, they have a stunning lack of insight to the fact that they are being nastier than anyone else.

#bekind can get in the fucking bin

@TheGoogleMum

I agreed with be kind when Caroline Flack died. Then I saw it being used to shut women up and heard how it is used on young girls clothing (but never boys). Once I realised 'be kind' is only expected of women I became a lot less keen on it.

Yes, yes , yes

My revolting, loud music playing, hot tub owning, bragging about nothing all the time ex neighbor was a fan of bekind and apparently cried for hours over Caroline Flack's death. She failed to see that her and her family behaviour in the middle of a pandemic whilst I worked long hours through it was unkind.

It's also an excuse to just let people do as they wish. I am kind but I get walked on. Not this year!