What is the problem with the phrase 'Be Kind?'

[Fatandfifty49]

To me, it means think of others, consider their feelings. Don't be an arsehole under the guise of 'saying it how it is', 'telling the truth', 'not mincing your words.'

Largely, I think it is something very positive that has come out of the COVID pandemic and was often used in the context of how essential workers should be treated. It is absolutely a change for the better that I have personally witnessed.

It is a phrase that is used to say 'it is not OK to abuse me because you are having a bad day' and empowering for those who want to take ownership of their own wellbeing as well as that of others.

What do you all think?

From what I've observed, it's a pretty one way statement. It includes blokes that like themselves in a bit of skirt and feel pissed off that the rest of the world doesn't agree but excludes vulnerable women.

Actually being kind (without letting others take advantage of you or silence you) is good. The phrase "be kind", on the other hand, raises my hackles.

Yep. I'm perfectly happy to see signs asking customers/visitors to "please treat staff with respect in this difficult time" or for the tannoy at Tesco's to remind people to be tolerant of others. But the whole 'be kind' thing on social media or printed on anything that's still for long enough, drives me nuts.

As for 'in a world where you can be anything, be kind'...well I just want to vomit. it's meaningless sentimental tripe.

The only person I know who uses it is an absolute asshole. She also likes platitudes about how she's always available if you need to talk, and her kettle is always on. Her actual behaviour means you know none of it is true.

I must admit I'm not getting the sexism thing though. It's women that come out with this tripe to each other, in my experience. I've never heard a man say 'be kind' or stick kindness memes all over their FB page.

I'm so sick of seeing
"What ever happened to #bekind?
Urgh! I hate it! Twee, patronising bollocks.

The amount of times I've seen horrible comments on social media from a person with be kind on their profile picture is ridiculous.

It's all over girl's clothes when I'm trying to find something for my daughter. She's more into clothes from the boy's section though so we can avoid it because suprise, suprise! It's not plastered all over boy's clothes.

I’ve only heard it said by those types who want to ride roughshod over everyone else while chiding everyone to be kind. Chuck it on men’s t shirts and see how they’d react.

When I see it on men's and boys clothes in Tesco/supermarkets, as it is on women's and girls, I'll have less of a problem with it. If any sex needed to consider being kind, it isn't the female one. Lets not pretend that this wasn't, as said, another way to shut down women's opinions. It's replaced telling us to be ladylike.

What exactly was the t-shirt slogan men were expected to wear after #metoo? Fuck all, that's what. They didn't have endless crap emblazoned with this nonsense. I suppose #dontbeabusiverapists would be a mouthful. It's amazing to me how much women are expected to #bekind when men aren't expected to #nothavesexwithtraffickedgirls.

Usually

Be kind = tell lies

And it’s often misplaced. For example, being kind isn’t telling people everything they want to hear, and giving them everything they demand want, often being kind is putting firm boundaries in place and saying no to those who are demanding. The kindness there extends to the bigger picture of protecting women and children in the long run.

"What ever happened to #bekind?”

Yep, as if it was the law. Muppets. Virtue signalling muppets.

Mealy-mouthed and twee.

Kind is the last thing I'll be teaching my daughter to be.

It is a meaningless phrase spouted by people who are not kind. It is about being selfless and nice for the likes only when people are watching and being a selfish, self absorbed, self centred, arsehole the rest of the time.

Kindness is a vague metric used to rubber stamp a whole host of political ills. Boris and Co get away with fucking on society as a whole by laying claim to a "new and kinder" way of doing things.

Saying you are being kind means you don't have to actually, you know, be kind.

DCs teacher said ‘Be kinder than you need to be’.

To my mind it gives more nuance to the phrase and doesn’t make it so doormat sounding.

Because overall it's bullshit.

@Tombero

DCs teacher said ‘Be kinder than you need to be’.

To my mind it gives more nuance to the phrase and doesn’t make it so doormat sounding.

I find that worse. Applied to someone pushing your boundaries surely that just means tolerate more than you otherwise would to save their feelings over your own.

What exactly did they mean by it?

Obviously being kind is an important general principle. But like all overly simplified platitudes it doesn't mean a great deal on its own, it's totally divorced from context. Sometimes you need to be cruel to be kind, sometimes you need to stand up to a bully. Sometimes you do need to put your own feelings to one side and be kind. But the world is far more complicated than be kind. I am not a fan of the Instagram aphorism; they don't give you any space to think and learn.

I've never seen an online exchange in which a man is told to #bekind. Only women being told, by either other women or by men. It's taken on a distinctly misogynist tone as it is used to imply that women owe the world 'nice' more than they owe themselves boundaries, opinions and passion for causes.

"Be kind" is an order, not a request.
I don't take orders.
It is also oddly passive aggressive.
It is essentially meaningless. Honesty and fidelity matter to me. If someone tried to order me to be kind, I would say no. I decide how I behave, not you.

I don't think it's always meant in the way you see it, it (to me) often means shut up and be subservient. Don't have an option and don't disagree with the masses.

AnneLovesGilbert, in the context they used it it worked at the time. Kind of reflect, consider before reacting, be the better, stronger, bigger person.

But it’s late, I’ve drunk champagne and I definitely can’t do it justice, I can also see what you’re saying about how it sounds.

I agree that be kind predates Covid but it was used a lot during lockdown. It's meant to mean don't abuse staff in their job. Or at least that's what I assume but yes some people will use it to their own advantage and to shut people up.
The truth is if you have to tell an adult to be kind, then there really is no point to it. Adults should know they are supposed to be kind and not have to be told.

I think in theory it’s a nice phrase but in my experience people use it as a way to deflect or minimise valid criticism for bad behaviour. E.g.

‘I’m not sure it’s a good idea to do that hurtful, reckless thing that’ll potentially cause harm’
‘Whatever happened to being kind? Women should support women’.

Etc

@Rosebel

I agree that be kind predates Covid but it was used a lot during lockdown. It's meant to mean don't abuse staff in their job. Or at least that's what I assume but yes some people will use it to their own advantage and to shut people up. The truth is if you have to tell an adult to be kind, then there really is no point to it. Adults should know they are supposed to be kind and not have to be told.

I didn’t notice it increase in lockdown as a result of covid. The “it’s cool to be kind” slogans on tops for little girls aren’t anything to do with covid.

It’s been used against me when I have said something truthful in an attempt to shut me up.

I’d rather be rude than a liar.

Also it’s women who often bear the brunt of ‘be kind’ programming. No I won’t ‘be kind’ and let someone trample all over my feelings, my work, my life, my body. I have had enough. I no longer have the emotional reserves to look after my own well-being as well as watching what I say, think and do because someone else wants that emotional energy from me. I don’t owe anyone that.

A better slogan would be ‘Don’t be a dick’, kindness isn’t always the best policy.

Because it supports a narrative of self-sacrafice which oppresses women.