What is the problem with the phrase 'Be Kind?'

[Fatandfifty49]

To me, it means think of others, consider their feelings. Don't be an arsehole under the guise of 'saying it how it is', 'telling the truth', 'not mincing your words.'

Largely, I think it is something very positive that has come out of the COVID pandemic and was often used in the context of how essential workers should be treated. It is absolutely a change for the better that I have personally witnessed.

It is a phrase that is used to say 'it is not OK to abuse me because you are having a bad day' and empowering for those who want to take ownership of their own wellbeing as well as that of others.

What do you all think?

Be kind usually means don't be difficult by expressing opinions or thinking your needs are important. It's used to keep women and girls in their place. It's a shame but there it is.

I’m intrigued, I had no idea that this phrase is aimed at women. When and by whom?
I live in the dark ages and don’t do social media much.

It's massively overused by people who think any form of criticism is a personal attack

Someone I follow on Facebook posts ridiculous cut and paste rants about vaccines, government, immigrants, covid etc and she rightly gets challenged on some of them. Her standard retort is 'i had to take my post down because some people decided they could be nasty to me...whatever happened to 'be kind?'

[quote AlDanvers]@sweetbellyhigh and how is that connected to the 'be kind' craze.....rather than the actual pandemic.

As I recall, loads of shop workers were reporting Hugh levels of abuse at the beginning of the pandemic. Which was after CF death and the surge in many more people using 'be kind'.[/quote]
I'm not sure I understand your post. The Be Kind phrasing was key in pandemic management here in NZ. That's why I connect them.

You seem intent on finding fault with my posts though so perhaps just agree to disagree.

Everyone's experiences are different. I have noticed a great deal of kindness, you haven't. Both can be true.

@AlDanvers

'Be kind' was about before covid.

My issues are

That it's primarily aimed at women. Usually to shut women up from expressing themselves.

Its primarily used by people who are just vulture signalling and often need to really look at their own behaviour towards others.

Its actually meaningless. What is 'be kind' because when aimed at women it usually means 'accept shit that's been thrown at you and be quiet'.

You see it in MN alot. A poster saying 'be kind' after being called out for being an arse, because they simply can't formulate a response.

I also have issues around the fact that Caroline Flack, whose post it was, was awaiting trial for DV. I can't imagine people co -opting a male celebrities last post as inspiration if they were awaiting trial for DV charges. Though I do also accept the problem of online trolls needs actual action.

All of this! So much!

I finally managed to ditch 'be kind' (aka shut up and keep on being a doormat for everyone) several years ago and it's the kindest thing I've done for me - ever.

I'm also loving the vulture typo... or was it... because it so apt! High five @AlDanvers

Extremely reassured by the vote score on this.

It’s lazy, patronising, preachy and deeply sexist.

I have a daughter. I’m not bringing her up to “be kind” not when I know what the majority mean by it.

Ordering someone to be kind is rude and unkind.

It’s bollocks. The sooner it fucks off, especially off clothes designed for girls, the better.

As for the quote it’s meant to come from, and the morals or virtues of the person who said it, less said also the better. Domestic abusers don’t live by be kind. I’ll take my advice elsewhere.

Be kind = shut up and keep in your place, you uppity woman.

It’s designed to shut down conversation at expense of women

It's hollow. People will echo it without enacting it day to day

I see ‘be kind’ and feel ‘be blind’.

Kindness is a wonderful thing and I applaud it wholeheartedly.

I feel that ‘be kind’ has been taken over by those who are not kind and that we should be blind to demands that will benefit some but to the detriment of others.

Usually women.

Women aren't just expected to be kind while defending their rights, they're expected to be kind instead of defending their rights

Well said.

Be kind === be subservient to me

The Be Kind phrasing was key in pandemic management here in NZ

Great. This site and the majority of posters are in the U.K. where it wasn’t at all related to Covid. Why not ask what it means here instead of assuming everyone would know your experience in another country?

I only ever see it on Facebook threads where someone is accusing someone else of 'slamming' or 'shaming' and they trot out "What happened to Be Kind?"

@sweetbellyhigh not all of us live in NZ

It may have been in NZ. Not in the UK. Its linked to the death of CF.
Which happened before covid. So we had 'be kind', then people a using shop workers be arsed they couldn't buy 10,000 toilet rolls or 200 boxes of beer. 'Be kind' didn't stop that.

Again, you use another phrase designed to stop people having an opinion 'you seem to have a problem with my posts'.

Why would you assume its personal, rather than an opinion on what you posted? Not personal at all. But if you can attach some other motive, other than a discussion on a discussion site, it stops people responding.

Say again, AlDanvers? I think you meant I'm saying Be Kind meant people were nicer in shops. Am I right?

I think the pandemic did foster a shift in attitudes and the Be Kind phrase was used a lot at this time when it hadn't really been mainstream before. Personally, seeing this in print around shops felt very empowering to me as a retail worker in that we mattered, too, and we were all human. The pandemic was a great equaliser when it first started because we were all in the same boat - e.g. worried about where this was going, were we all going to get seriously ill, lose someone we love.

You're partly right in that Be Kind wouldn't have done that by itself but, to me, it felt like an endorsement of the public mood - we're all going through something and treat people gently

• It’s the meaningless bleat of the terminally stupid.

-It’s usually used by the nastiest people. -It’s a way of shutting people up by taking a perceived high ground. -It’s extremely annoying.

It's generally disingenuous virtue signalling bullshit.

But they don’t do they? Either people are nice or they’re not, but that’s their personality. Not because of some dumb hast tag nonsense

It’s teeth itching twee and a generally shite saying.

'Be kind' annoys me because it's used to shut people up (usually women) who are expressing that they find something unfair.

I think the pandemic did foster a shift in attitudes and the Be Kind phrase was used a lot at this time when it hadn't really been mainstream before

Yes it was. CF died in Feb 2020. It took off hugely in the days before.

You're partly right in that Be Kind wouldn't have done that by itself but, to me, it felt like an endorsement of the public mood - we're all going through something and treat people gently

I disagree. I think people's behaviour in late March 2020 was awful, in general, on the UK. Right through the first lockdown.

There wasn't that much kindness at all.

In the days after CF death. Not before obviously

Describing people 'being kind' is one thing. Instructing other people to 'be kind' is quite another.