To get annoyed with looking very young.

[Astressedmumoftwo]

First World problem I know but I'm nearly 30 with kids but look 17 no matter what I do, hair makeup etc.

Went for covid booster a few days ago and they asked my DOB then went "How old are you can I ask?" so I assume they were checking I was 18 plus despite the obvious 1900s birth date.

Anyways I feel like I'll never be taken seriously by other adults and I'm spoken down to a lot.

Anyone else relate?
Happy new year BTW x

I think it's because people try to console you. It's like they can't fathom the horror of being 50 even it you're accepting of it, and happy, so they tell you that the horror isn't obviously (yet) and you're supposed to say ''oh phew thank you''

Isn't it funny how soooo many posters here look 15-20 years younger? (Or have a sister/friend/mother/aunt/granny/neighbour etc who does.)

Don't ever see any 'I get mistaken for 15 years older' threads/posts though. Funny that.

Also, what's with all the comments like 'I was over the moon when someone asked me for I.D. to by booze because I am 38!' And many MANY more comments from posters absolutely THRILLED that someone (allegedly) thought they were younger than their age.

Why do so many people need this validation? Why are people so insecure that they NEED people to tell them they look younger?

Also, why do people even tell you this? And what happens??? Do you say 'hi I'm Sam/Louise/Sharon etc, I am 39,'' and the person you offer this information to says 'oooh you don't look it.'

And if you are asking someone to GUESS your age (which I am guessing some people on here do,) just remember that most people will knock 7 to 10 years off to be polite.

One woman asked me to guess her age some 3 years ago, and I thought she looked 57-58, so I said 'umm 50-52.' She was 51, and absolutely disgusted that I said 50-52. She said 'well most people tell me I look 42 to 43.' The silly mare was insulted because I guessed her age RIGHT! I imagine she is probably a mumsnetter actually.

And no I am not 'jealous' or 'bitter' as someone laughingly said further back, why the F would I be jealous of someone who is deluded enough to think they look young enough to be their own child's sibling?

Everyone looks their age - within 5 to 8 years. Yes, even most black people/POC. Their skin looks quite good, and some of them age well, but they don't look MASSIVELY younger.

Anyone who is mistaking you for 15 years younger either a) needs glasses, b) is shit at guessing ages, or c) is taking the piss. Because you DO look your age, (as I said, within 5 to 8 years.) Some people look GASP actually OLDER than they are. Even some of YOU

Ooh it’s back!

@UserBot99

I think it's because people try to console you. It's like they can't fathom the horror of being 50 even it you're accepting of it, and happy, so they tell you that the horror isn't obviously (yet) and you're supposed to say ''oh phew thank you''

Or they remember their mum/grandma at 50, and they looked older.

@LittleRoundRobin 😂
Even the 42 year old that looks 12?
That's got to be the strangest one yet.

[quote Maireas]@LittleRoundRobin 😂
Even the 42 year old that looks 12?
That's got to be the strangest one yet.
[/quote]
Nobody actually claimed to be 42 and look 12 themselves, as I recall. It was a poster claiming someone else was 42 but looked 12. In the absence of an actual syndrome, I agree that sounds like an exaggeration.

Which isn't uncommon - any thread containing a film reviewing starring Emma Watson or Timothee Chalamet (for example) will be riddled with posters claiming they were such a bad fit for the role because they "look 12". I don't think either of them do myself, but there you go.

[quote Maireas]@LittleRoundRobin 😂
Even the 42 year old that looks 12?
That's got to be the strangest one yet.
[/quote]
I know right. Utterly batshit.

As I said, it's funny how people never claim they look 15 years older (or someone has said that they do.)

So much desperation (from some on here) to be thought of as looking younger. I would hate to be that insecure. Gotta pity them really......

Its rubbish just now, particularly in the workace but when you get to 50 (well I'm 49).and you have no wrinkles or crows feet and present as a confident and intelligent professional its absolutely brilliant.

@Butchyrestingface - I take your points.
Nonetheless, a poster claimed that someone they knew was 42 and looked 12, and that people judged her husband for holding hands with her. It was most odd.
I agree about Timothy C et al - those actors look well into their 30s to me!

I wouldn't take it seriously if you were getting a vaccine. You'd have been wearing a mask covering most of your face so in a person without wrinkles around the eyes (basically most people under mid 30s) you can't tell the difference between a teen and a 30 something. I suspect that person just checks the age of everyone like that.

I have a 53-year-old colleague who could pass for late thirties. I was properly shocked when I found out her age. She certainly doesn’t look a day over 40.

Similarly, one bloke I dated was in his early fifties, yet looked a good 10-12 years younger. However, in his case his age later caught up with him and he appeared to age ten years over the course of about three years.

He aged in an odd way - he didn’t have that many wrinkles, but his face became redder and redder and his eyes looked sunken. He also started dying his hair black, which looked fake and wasn’t flattering.

@LittleRoundRobin

Isn't it funny how soooo many posters here look 15-20 years younger? (Or have a sister/friend/mother/aunt/granny/neighbour etc who does.)

Don't ever see any 'I get mistaken for 15 years older' threads/posts though. Funny that.

Also, what's with all the comments like 'I was over the moon when someone asked me for I.D. to by booze because I am 38!' And many MANY more comments from posters absolutely THRILLED that someone (allegedly) thought they were younger than their age.

Why do so many people need this validation? Why are people so insecure that they NEED people to tell them they look younger?

Also, why do people even tell you this? And what happens??? Do you say 'hi I'm Sam/Louise/Sharon etc, I am 39,'' and the person you offer this information to says 'oooh you don't look it.'

And if you are asking someone to GUESS your age (which I am guessing some people on here do,) just remember that most people will knock 7 to 10 years off to be polite.

One woman asked me to guess her age some 3 years ago, and I thought she looked 57-58, so I said 'umm 50-52.' She was 51, and absolutely disgusted that I said 50-52. She said 'well most people tell me I look 42 to 43.' The silly mare was insulted because I guessed her age RIGHT! I imagine she is probably a mumsnetter actually.

And no I am not 'jealous' or 'bitter' as someone laughingly said further back, why the F would I be jealous of someone who is deluded enough to think they look young enough to be their own child's sibling?

Everyone looks their age - within 5 to 8 years. Yes, even most black people/POC. Their skin looks quite good, and some of them age well, but they don't look MASSIVELY younger.

Anyone who is mistaking you for 15 years younger either a) needs glasses, b) is shit at guessing ages, or c) is taking the piss. Because you DO look your age, (as I said, within 5 to 8 years.) Some people look GASP actually OLDER than they are. Even some of YOU

Thank you for posting the most sensible response to this self indulgent post.

@LittleRoundRobin yes, nail on the head. The usual comment is indeed “ooh, you don’t look it” or “oh you don’t look old enough”

Thank you @RussianSpy101nd and @Allycott

I do get laid into (by a few posters) for not going with the flow, and daring to voice an unpopular view, so your comments are appreciated...

When I volunteered to parent chaperone at an activity I got counted as one of the kids getting on the bus, I laughed, the teacher was so embarrassed.
Being very short and slim with a bit of a baby face meant at a glance people assumed I was much younger until I hit 35 then practically overnight I started looking my age.
If people are talking down to you be assertive and when people do the whole “you look so young” thing they are complimenting you not judging you.

@PGSTesting123

Anyone that I've ever met that thinks they look young for their age, they never do.

😂😂😂 you sound bitter tbh

I actually find it really funny how people are so disbelieving of other peoples experiences. Just because it doesn’t happen to you, doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen 😂.

Everyone looks their age - within 5 to 8 years.

I think that’s right. It’s not even about wrinkles, you can just tell by the skin. In my early 30s, I didn’t look old, didn’t have wrinkles, had nice skin etc but I didn’t look like I did in my early 20s. I’m 40 ish now, still not really any wrinkles but again my skin although fine, isn’t like it was 10 years ago.

I have friends with daughters between 20 and 30. They all look lovely, but you can see who is older.

I got asked for ID for a lottery ticket when I was 24, no way did I look 16, maybe 20, but I think shops are understandably over cautious due to the consequences they can face. I had my first child in my early 20s and some of the nurses thought I was 17/18 but that agrees with the most people look within 5-8 years of their age and I think as you age, you look closer to your age.

On a thread a while ago, someone posted a photo of a black actress claiming she looked, I think 20 years younger than she was. She looked great, but she didn’t look 20 years younger than her age. I think they said she looked in her 30s but compare her to someone in their 30s and she really didn’t.

People will generally try to be nice about how old you look so you can’t really rely on that. And there’s nothing wrong with ageing anyway, it’s perfectly normal.

@Vegetalienne Nail on head, and a perfect description/explanation.

But of course, if anyone thinks people don't look much younger, it's because dey JELLUS, and dey BITTER!

As I said, who the F is jealous of someone who is deluded enough to think they actually look 20 to 25 years younger? AND why the fuck WOULD they look 20 to 25 years younger?! 🤣

As I said, NO-ONE does. They might look good for their age, and be quite attractive and well preserved, but they will still look their age within 5 to 8 years.

Like you said, about the pic of the black actress someone posted. I remember that, and I think she was 46. The poster said she looked about 22. She so definitely did NOT. She was attractive and could have passed for 38-39, but not 22! Some people are just deluded.

And as I said, why the utter UTTER desperation to be thought of as looking much younger? Why are there never any threads/posts from people saying 'I am 43 and people mistake for for early to mid 50s?'

Funny how THAT never happens!

And as I said, why the utter UTTER desperation to be thought of as looking much younger?

Not sure what thread you've been reading but posters on THIS thread have complained about being perceived as much younger due to the negative effects on professional and interpersonal relationships, and spoken of their desire to be perceived as closer to their chronological age.

Perhaps you can point out the posts where people have expressed a desire to be perceived of as far younger? Not a single person on this thread has posted a photo of themselves asking for an opinion on how old other people think they look. Rather they've described their live experiences and being mocked, abused and told they are attention-seeking, deluded and desperate.

Why are there never any threads/posts from people saying 'I am 43 and people mistake for for early to mid 50s?'

Not sure I've seen anyone use that exact phraseology but there are plenty of threads where people bemoan their experiences of being mistaken for significantly older or their own perception that they look far older than their chronological age.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3481981-to-be-pissed-off-that-i-was-asked-if-i-was-my-friend-s-mum

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/1225483-Have-been-mistaken-for-my-DCs-grandmother-At-the-age-of-35-AIBU-to-have-a-little-cry-to-myself

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/2426154-For-being-miffed-that-someone-thought-I-looked-older-than-my-age

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/style_and_beauty/1053443-Apparently-I-look-10-years-older-than-I-am

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/3451589-I-look-old

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/style_and_beauty/3757537-Looking-old-beyond-her-years

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/style_and_beauty/1418048-How-can-I-look-younger

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/style_and_beauty/120872-how-can-i-look-younger

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/style_and_beauty/3133497-Small-things-that-make-a-person-look-younger-sadly-looking-at-celebs-wondering-how-the-hell-they-do-it

A quick AS of the site and the wider internet would also throw up innumerable examples of posters glibly disparaging other adults (often actors) on the grounds that they "look 12/look like a child" - the idea that an adult actor is being paid a COMPLIMENT when someone declares so-and-so is unsuitable to play an adult role in a film because they "look like a child" is disingenuous in the extreme.

And yet everyone on this thread who reports the same experience in real life is obviously a liar, deluded or desperate to be thought of as younger.

*PS: I have to admit I was DYING to see a photo of the six month old baby that apparently looked school age. .

@LittleRoundRobin - But of course, if anyone thinks people don't look much younger, it's because dey JELLUS, and dey BITTER!

I don't think looking younger is anything to be jealous of. I get comments that I look young/must have been a child bride etc etc. I do not invite these comments. I do not appreciate these comments. In fact, I find them irritating and intrusive. I don't see why my age is anyone else's business and I think it is rude to comment on it. My usual response is that they should see the state of the painting in the attic. They either get the literary allusion and laugh or, more usually, just look confused. Either way, the conversation moves on.

You don't believe that this happens. Fine. But please don't call me a liar. It happens. Why would I lie about it?

I am in my late 50s and definitely look that age !I really don't care ... as a human being I am lovely and caring

@Ohisitreally

I am in my late 50s and definitely look that age !I really don't care ... as a human being I am lovely and caring

Exactly. Your age and whether you look it or not is irrelevant.

When you are fully in the process of pushing a baby out and a person you have never met before runs in to attend you and the first thing they do is a patronising head tilt and ‘how old are you my darling?’ it’s a bit annoying yes.

I’ve encountered a lot of negativity based on how old I MUST have been when I started having children and it has not yet stopped. I cannot buy alcohol without ID and have to remove my face mask in shops regularly, last time because I bought a knife set for a Christmas gift in Lidl . The last time I was asked for ID was for my Christmas shopping being delivered on the 23rd because I’d bought a bottle of gin along with the turkey. I’m 40 this year (and started having children at 24, in case you were wondering).

I’m taken less seriously in my professional role and many people ask for someone more senior when what they mean is, older.

I don’t much care about how I look, I don’t use lotions or face creams or have an interest in fashion, I’ll never look like a pulled together or sophisticated adult. I suspect I’ll just go straight from spotty awkward teen to old overnight. It’s not great.