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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To get annoyed with looking very young.

245 replies

Astressedmumoftwo · 31/12/2021 18:11

First World problem I know but I'm nearly 30 with kids but look 17 no matter what I do, hair makeup etc.

Went for covid booster a few days ago and they asked my DOB then went "How old are you can I ask?" so I assume they were checking I was 18 plus despite the obvious 1900s birth date.

Anyways I feel like I'll never be taken seriously by other adults and I'm spoken down to a lot.

Anyone else relate?
Happy new year BTW x

OP posts:
Svara · 31/12/2021 18:40

When I moved into this house my neighbour knocked on the door and asked if my parents were in. I was stood next to my then 11 year old. I didn't know what to say other than 'No, he's mine, I'm 34'. I find myself telling everyone how old I am whenever I mention my DS for the first time so they don't assume I was a teen mum.

inheritancetrack · 31/12/2021 18:41

I totally understand, I was never taken seriously, and people assumed I was my children's older sister. Asked if I wanted a children's fare on transport, never taken seriously at work, talked down to etc. Overlooked in shops (I don't just look young, but am short and very slim), ignored in queues. I never had a proper boyfriend until I was 21 because no one wants to date a 12 year old, even if they are 18. Clothes never look right and I had to shop in the children's section. Size 3 shoes are thin on the ground.

It gets a little better in your 40s as you look 20 but my husband was still asked if he wanted 2 children's entrance tickets for me and DD.

People think it's wonderful, but it isn't. You are overlooked, underestimated and have no presence at all.

user1471453601 · 31/12/2021 18:45

I'm sure there must be draw backs from looking young (scratches head and tries to think what they may be)..
DD has always looked young for her age, she was asked to prove her age at 40+ when buying wine, she was thrilled.

But no one has ever spoken disrespectfuly to her. Not twice, anyway. They'd get very short shrift if they tried. She's been a senior manager in her industry for over fifteen years, so it hasn't held her back at all.

Original poster
Astressedmumoftwo · 31/12/2021 18:47

@user1471453601

I'm sure there must be draw backs from looking young (scratches head and tries to think what they may be).. DD has always looked young for her age, she was asked to prove her age at 40+ when buying wine, she was thrilled.

But no one has ever spoken disrespectfuly to her. Not twice, anyway. They'd get very short shrift if they tried. She's been a senior manager in her industry for over fifteen years, so it hasn't held her back at all.

Unfortunately I'm quite quiet and anxiety riddled without much self confidence which also doesn't help. Your daughter sounds like a strong woman!
OP posts:
YukoandHiro · 31/12/2021 18:49

I promise you this does come into its own. Especially after kids. Im 40 soon and have always looked young for my age. Children have aged me faster but I now look about 30-33ish and I really welcome it.

RussianSpy101 · 31/12/2021 18:50

I get this. We did have our daughter fairly young (22) but I look younger than 30. DD goes to private school and some of the looks from a couple of the other mothers or the shitty comments used to annoy me. Now they’re all starting to look like wax works due to all the Botox and I’m still here looking 25 and fresh 😂

I know it’s hard OP but try not to let it get to you. It’s taken me years to not be bothered by it.

YukoandHiro · 31/12/2021 18:50

Also OP, if you really need to look older wear some lens free glasses. They are instantly ageing

MerryChristmasToYou · 31/12/2021 18:52

I have the same problem but I'm 47

Suggestions2021 · 31/12/2021 18:54

Yes same here, OP. It's very frustrating. Worse since masks too.

slapmyarseandcallmemary · 31/12/2021 18:55

I've had the same problem all my adult life. I've always had to carry ID and it's a pain in the arse. If one more person said "take it as a compliment", I could have slapped them. It must be a compliment if it doesn't happen much, but it just gets annoying. I'm 42 and people still don't believe my age. So, I totally understand.

Djeserkare · 31/12/2021 18:55

I’m over 60 now and this is where looking younger than your actual age really comes into its own OP. I’m never going to be IDd or mistaken for someone in their 40s but I look remarkably unwrinkled and younger than I am. I never found it a problem when I was actually young though. Any issues around looking young soon wore off and I feel very grateful indeed to my genes here. Hopefully you will soon see it as the blessing it is.

Frlrlrubert · 31/12/2021 18:58

I've always had the same problem, it's easing a bit now I'm 37, only get IDed with my mask on these days.

I had DD at 32 so avoided the 'teen mum' dagger looks mostly.

When I went into teaching one of the year 10s said to me 'I think the boys push their luck cos you're so young, Miss' - I was 34!

For better or worse, this too shall pass.

Grapewrath · 31/12/2021 18:58

Weirdly, I worked in the community with young parents for many years and non of them describe any negative reactions. I wonder how people know a child is that persons and not a sibling or they’re not the babysitter. Seems bizarre that someone would spit at someone with no contact or knowledge of the situation. Maybe the person you met was just a random nutter?
I always looked young for my age up until my 30s. Let me tell you enjoy it while it lasts because it very well may not. I got asked for ID a few times but it didn’t pose any major problems for me. Then again, I wouldn’t say I looked 17 at 30- sorry but that does sound a bit far fetched

ruthieness · 31/12/2021 18:59

My daughter went to a new hair dresser and asked for an undercut.
The hairdresser asked "Does your mother know about this?"

"No" my daughter said "because I am 24 years old!"

She even gets asked for ID to buy scissors!

At work it is very difficult to be taken seriously if you look 12!!

Mellowyellow222 · 31/12/2021 19:02

I have always looked younger - in my forties now and look early thirties. Probably because of my colouring and height. I am not pretty so this isn’t a boast!

It’s a nightmare. I am a senior director and people always assume I am much more junior. It’s a very sexist world, and I doubt this would happen to a man. People have assumed my secretary (male) is my boss.

I once went to a conference with my boss and two separate people asked if I was his daughter -WTF.

It doesn’t happen to men, but it’s just another way of putting women down.

Lavender24 · 31/12/2021 19:02

I'm only 4'11 and very petite and people have always assumed I'm younger and patronised me. I'm 31 next month and over the past couple of years I've just been forcing myself to be more assertive. I hold my head high and don't take shit from people anymore. And I use looking younger to my advantage when it suits me ie when charity workers come to the door "sorry my parents aren't in". 😂

Lacedwithgrace · 31/12/2021 19:05

Same here, I'm sick of the dirty looks and people asking if my daughter is my sister or if my husband is my dad. When I was pregnant a nurse passed me in a waiting room and came back a few minutes later with some leaflets about teen pregnancy Hmm

Mls1984btc · 31/12/2021 19:05

In my late 30s with a teenager. Everybody kept commenting how impossible with the way I look. It does gets tiring after a few so nowadays I just move swiftly on to other subjects.

Sometimes I do wonder whether they actually meant it or they were hoping for you to return the compliments (if that’s how you see it)?

Mangofandangoo · 31/12/2021 19:07

I look young for my age (34) and Ive always found people to be patronising about it, especially when I had my daughter

DyingForACuppa · 31/12/2021 19:11

I have had this problem, and it's led to people not taking me seriously at work, and I had huge self esteem issues in my early 20s as no man ever looked at me. Definitely not just a 'diamond shoes too tight' issue.

Anyway, I'm now much older (late 40s) and I now get the beneficial side of looking younger, so while you are not being unreasonable to be annoyed, hang in there it wont last forever!

NigellaBangBangTurkey · 31/12/2021 19:12

I have always looked 21 even even I was 30. (Well I think I might of looked 12 when I was 21).

It's 99.8% fantastic. But it is annoying when people talk to you like you have zero life experience.

Use SPF everyday OP!! Are luck will run out

Camperbann · 31/12/2021 19:16

My friend has the same, she has loads of creeps as well that get really excited when they find out she's older but looks really young ew.

vodkaredbullgirl · 31/12/2021 19:18
Hmm
Blue4YOU · 31/12/2021 19:19

Me… I’m like Campervan’s friend- and I’m 46, and married and overweight and lots of silver hair.
Grosses me out!
I feel your pain OP!

RockinHorseShit · 31/12/2021 19:20

I had this in my 30s & 40s, always presumed to be some young twenty something bimbo, even when I was running the show at work. I could use it in my favour at times, but it could be bloody annoying & I had hell buying a house from an older couple who were patronising as hell.

I'm 60 now & get mistaken for quite bit younger & find I'm still taken seriously, whilst friends complain they often aren't due to being older.

So yes it's a bitch now, but it all pans out in the end